Mental illness

This is a special post for those of you who are either followers or have randomly found this. I am not posting this one anywhere.

I wrote last week about the shooting in Connecticut: http://randomrants08.blogspot.com/2012/12/it-could-have-been-me.html If you don't want to read it, the message is simple: there but for the grace of God, I could be Adam Lanza's family. But that is not the whole story.

I see people talk about mental illness as if it does not affect them. They say these folks are monsters or mean or bad. They talk about them as if they don't know mental illness. They may not want to, but if you are reading this, you know it..........you know me.

About 10 years ago, a guy in our regular Sunday Soccer game died. He was in his early 20s and he committed suicide. I don't know the details. Its none of my business and I don't want to know. I know he was a good guy who I liked and who may have had the most natural soccer skill I have seen in almost 40 years. He seemed to be happy. Clearly, he had other issues that we did not know about. I am sure, knowing this group, that had any one of us known, we would have stepped in to do something.

I have thought about that kid often, especially when I was at my low. You see, I have depression. That's right, my name is Jon and I suffer from depression. Sure, its not horrible - usually. But it has been bad, bad enough that I have thought about it. I have been lying in bed thinking about what life would be like without me. I have thought about what it would be like if I were dead. And I have contemplated it. I admit it.

I am not there now, but I have been there. I understand. I know not everyone can understand. I just wish people would take a minute to stop before they condemn those of us who have been there. We aren't bad people. I promise.