Sunday, December 28, 2014

This is the holiday spirit

I wrote at the end of December that one small act can change the world. Go read that now: http://randomrants08.blogspot.com/2014/11/one-small-act-can-change-world.html It won't take long. Seriously. Go read it. It is good stuff. Maybe the best stuff I have written. So read it. Done? Good. Now you can go on with this. And if you need some inspiration while you read the rest of this post, you can get it from here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=U7cTPIayXb4

I spent last week at Disney World in Orlando. Or, as the folks at Disney like to call it, Walt Disney World. After all, that is the official name. It is a huge place. And sometimes, folks end up in places for the right reason at the right time. I am going to relate one of those stories.

At Disneyland, and at Walt Disney World, they have the cutest little thing called Bibbidi Bobbidi Boutique. Every little girl should experience it. Basically, girls from 3 to 12, roughly, can go and be made up like a princess. They get their hair done and their nails done. They get some makeup put on. They can buy a princess costume and wear it. Its adorable, and I am not saying that just because my daughter LOVES it.

Anyway, there we were last week at Walt Disney World at the Bibbidi Bobbidi Boutique. The place was packed. To my right were two little girls with their parents. They looked to be sisters, maybe 6 and 5, or something close to that. Dad and mom had big pin on that said "Make A Wish." (If you don't know what Make A Wish is, shame on you. But then go read this: http://wish.org/) The little girls were being made up and had on t-shirts and sashes. It was probably the most basic package.

You see, Make A Wish will pay for the family to get to the destination. They pick up some of the expenses. But the family has to pay for these little "add ons" as I call them.

Anyway, the girls finish up. A stranger, or at least a guy who appears to be a stranger, walks up to the cash register. He hands a credit card to the cashier. She looks at him and asks what he is doing. He says he wants to pay for these two girls. She confirms it. The mom walks over and says she wants to buy a jacket for the girl. Then a second for the other girl. While an employee runs to check to see if they have a 2nd jacket in stock, the cashier asks the man if he wants to still pay for it. He nods his head and says yes.

The cashier rings it up. The man pays. He walks away. I watch more. The cashier tells the family that someone has paid for this for them. They are surprised, to say the least. After a brief discussion, the cashier points out the man who paid. He is still there, with his family. Mom walks up, tears in her eyes, and hugs him. She walks up to his wife and hugs her. Dad comes over, teary eyed as well, and shakes the man's hand. He hugs the wife as well. The little girls say thanks, although the girl in the wheelchair can is barely audible.

The family leaves. There is some discussion among the employees. I decide to get more information.

I ask the man why he did it. His answer was simple: he doesn't know what they are going through, but whatever that family is going through is worse than anything he is going through. He tells me he hasn't had a great year, isn't making a lot of money, but he knows he can afford to be generous to a family whose lives are much more difficult than his life. He has had a rough year, he says, personally, but he cannot imagine the pain and heartache that this family is going through. So, if he can help them, why not? At some point, its just a matter of being a good person and not worrying about his own situation.

I talk to the employees. They have never seen this before. They don't know what the man was thinking or why he did it. His reasons are irrelevant to them. What matters is that he did it. He helped this family that their hearts broke for as well.

The moral of the story: the holiday spirit is alive and well in complete strangers. The holiday season may be ending, but that doesn't mean that the spirit is over. January 1 marks the start of a new year, but it doesn't have to mark the end of the generosity and caring that people showed. The spirit can live on, should live on, if everyone just tries, like this man tried to help someone, even complete strangers.

Sunday, November 30, 2014

One small act can change the world

This is a true story. Its a story of a simple act. But its a simple act that made a difference in one man's life. Its an act that helped one young man. Its an act that you can do.

Its a rainy morning in Sacramento, although it could be any city from New York to San Francisco, Anchorage to Miami. There is a Starbucks at the corner of two streets downtown. Inside, people are drinking their coffees, staying warm, eating food. They are enjoying the conversation, playing on their tables or phones, ignoring the people around them.

Outside, on one street, is a homeless man, dirty, sleeping, with  his dog next to him. He is in his 60s, probably, looks like he has had a rough life. He is there every week, refusing any offers of help. On the other street, sits a boy, probably 20. He sits with his back against the wall of the coffee shop. He is drawing with pencil on white paper. He draws a woman, long hair, a smile. His artwork is amazing.

Inside, watching, is a man. He sits there with two kids. The kids are talking and playing. The man watches the boy draw. He sees him add texture to her hair. He watches the boy draw a shirt. The boy adds a bra strap. The picture comes to life.

The man gets up. He walks to the counter and asks for the largest coffee that they have. The barista, knowing the man, asks why. The man explains that the boy outside is drawing and has a sign that he is homeless and is asking for food. The barista hands the man the coffee at no charge.

The man walks outside. He walks up to the boy. He says "That is some great artwork." The boy responds "Thanks." The man says "Here is a cup of coffee." The boy says "Thanks" and returns to his drawing.

The man walks inside. His son, who is a young teenager, asks to give the boy a bagel. The man opens his wallet, hands his son $5, and tells him to go get a bagel and bring it to the boy. The son walks out.

A bald man in the coffee shop is also sitting, looking outside at the artist. He hears the man's conversation with his son. He grabs a brown lunch bag. He grabs his sandwich out of the bag. He walks outside, has a conversation with the young artist, and walks back in.

The father says "That kid does great work." The bald man says "Yes, he is great. He told me he is homeless. I am homeless too, but I have plenty of food. I can share my food with him," The father looks back at the bald man. The bald man says "I heard your son offer to get him food. I figured I had extra food that I could offer to."

The father's son comes back. He walks up to the young artist and offers him the bagel. The boy grabs the bagel and offers his thanks. The artist takes a bite out of it, hungry. The son comes in, happy that he could help.

The father's daughter, no older than kindergarten, asks to give the artist some food. The father makes a purchase at the coffee shop, hands it to his daughter, and tells her to bring it to the boy. The girl goes outside, with her brother, and says "Here you go" to the boy. The boy smiles back at her, says "Thanks" and puts it in his backpack for later.

Another patron watches this. He walks outside, sees the boy drawing, and offers him $20 to help offset the cost of a place to spend the night. It will be another cold, rainy night. The boy smiles, continues his drawing, and watches people walk by, most of them ignoring him, not even making eye contact.

The moral of the story: one man wanted to give a homeless guy a cup of coffee. That turned into a free cup of coffee, a bagel, a scone, a sandwich and $20 to help the artist find a place to stay. It may not be the ending of racism or ageism or any other ism, but to this young boy, it is a chance for a fresh start, a shower, some food, and some hope.

What s your small act to change the world?

Wednesday, September 17, 2014

What I have learned from Facebook today:

This originally started as a quick rant on Facebook, but I decided to go off!

1. I can't eat any food because it may cause cancer or some other horrible disease;
2. The people I am friends with are miserable and always unhappy;
3. Life sucks for most people;
4. We all suck as parents/kids/spouses/partners;
5. We need to all work out 18 hours a day and it has to be the RIGHT way.
6. Everyone is going to disconnect from Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, cell phones, pagers and beepers.

Look, I don't get it. I recognize that I am not the brightest guy reading this. But lets be , a) I eat food because I like it and it may cause cancer, but breathing your smoke can cause cancer too, walking down the street may cause cancer, and quite frankly, not eating WILL lead to dying and since I don't want to die, I think I will keep eating and take my chances. Maybe you don't like beef or chicken or fish or you think we should eat Paleo or only protein or only carbs. But, at the end of the day, you have NO ACTUAL idea what is going to kill you. I am sure of that. So if we are going to cut out all of the stuff we eat because of what it MIGHT do, then we might as well cut out driving, walking, running, exercising, and anything else that could lead to you dying. Sheesh!

B) You aren't that unhappy. Seriously, if you think you are, you have depression and you need to see your doctor. Today. Now. Stop reading and go see your doctor. If you just want empathy or sympathy or some other athy, then pick up the FREAKING TELEPHONE and call someone. Seriously. Make a phone call. Talk to a real, live human being. I am sure he/she/shim/it can help you. But posting it on Facebook is not healthy for you. I am sure of that. You may have a bad day. You may have a bad week. Heck, you can have a bad month. But if every day is crap, crap, crap, crap, you are suffering from a medical condition. Go get help. Please?

C) Life is never fun for anyone. Ever. Nor has it been since about February 3, 2004. (Figure out why I picked that date and get back to me.) Seriously, no one has had any fun since then. It is just a miserable experience for everyone. GET OVER IT!

D) I am the worst father in the world. Thankfully, I appear to be tied with everyone else. I am also the worst son in the world, the worst husband in the world. I clearly have no idea how to parent and I need everyone else to tell me how to raise my kids. I also need you to tell me how to love my wife, how to be a son, and how to be a human being. Seriously, I am surprised I know how to walk down the street safely. Would you like to teach me that too? I know, a white paper on the proper way to walk down the street. I am so writing that as soon as I figure out how to have fun, be happy and eat.

E) I clearly am a fat ass who is out of shape and cannot properly take care of myself. I must do cross fit, check fit, fit fit, fat fit, P90X, P90X2, P90X3, and its long lost cousin Takeadump180. If I do not do all of these exercises, then I am a failure. I am fat. I am out of shape. I am not going to live to be 100. I will not be able to run a marathon, a half marathon, a fun run, a color run, a gray run, a black and white run, and a FREAKING run run. I will also not be able to swim around the world, hike a mountain or do anything else that requires any physical exertion because I am clearly a loser.

F) I am still surprised that I can figure all of this out since everyone is constantly disconnecting from technology. There are no people on Facebook or Twitter. No one checks text messages or cell phones or calls anyone. No one knows how to talk or communicate.

And, I sure as shit know, that no one knows how to say to someone "How are you?" I don't mean How are you as in hey, I mean how are you really, truly, actually doing. Apparently that is not something that is possible to ask anyone anymore!

Now I am going to ride my bike and ignore everything I am doing wrong, although I am sure I ride my bike wrong too!

Wednesday, July 23, 2014

The Elk Grove Auto Mall ads

So last night I was laying in bed and a commercial came on for the Elk Grove Auto Mall. We see the Mayor of Elk Grove, Gary Davis, and the Vice Mayor, Jim Cooper. We see a few more folks from the City and a member of the Cosumnes CSD board. They all say how great the Elk Grove Auto Mall is and why we should shop there. Basically, it comes down to money.

Now, let's spend about 30 seconds analyzing this:

1. Why is the mayor or the vice mayor in an ad for any business? That is an endorsement of that business. Do they shop at the auto mall? Are they willing to be in ads for other local businesses? I don't see Jerry Brown endorsing Intel or Apple or Google.

2.Or are they now in the endorsement business? What about other businesses? Is the endorsement up for sale? If you bring in $1,000,000 in sales tax revenue, will the mayor be in your ad? What about $2,000,000? Do you have some magic number that applies? I didn't realize politicians endorsed local businesses.

3. Why don't they ask the Elk Grove Auto Mall why their ads aren't shot in Elk Grove? Look at the freaking tv ads. How many of them are done in Old Sac or downtown? Apparently, we should give our money to the Auto Mall but the Auto Mall should not give their money locally? Really? Is that how it works now? We support them and they spend their money elsewhere?

4. Why are city employees in the ads at all? Did the Auto Mall pay for their time to be in the ads? Are taxpayers paying for their time? Is this something that is covered by their employment?

5. Does anyone buy a car based on the endorsement of politicians anyway? Seriously, would you buy a product because of a politician recommendation? I wouldn't.

Okay, short rant over. I can go on and on, but you get the point.

Sunday, July 13, 2014

Shop local

This is going to be a bit different. No, this is going to be a lot different. I am not going to get mad. I am not going to drop any profanity. I am not going to call anyone names. Ready?

I was talking the other day with a friend of mine. We both work for ourselves and we both notice the same trend: people want to talk about shopping locally, but when push comes to shove, they don't do it. This applies to friends as well as to the general public. Let me explain.

Pretend you are a friend of mine. Now, I am a lawyer. It is what I do to support my family. And you would know this, because, at least in this example. you are a friend of mine. So, my new friend, you have a legal issue come up. You know I am a lawyer. But you decide to call some big city law firm to represent you. You pay them good money to resolve your issue. Later, you mention to me that you hired Dewey, Cheatem & Howe.

Let me explain the problem. (I will ignore, for a minute, that we are friends.) Your hard earned money goes to a big city law firm. The big city law firm's lawyers live in a different city than you live in, and a different city than I live in. The big city law firm uses products and services from the big city. They hire couriers in the big city. They pay rent to some landlord in the big city. All of that money you paid them is paid out in the big city.

If you hired me, I use local people for my services and products. My business cards are printed locally by a woman who designs them locally. She buys her products and services locally. My postage is bought locally. When I need to hire someone to do something for me, I hire someone local, whenever possible. I take my income and spend it locally at my local stores. When I go out to eat for Italian food, for example, I choose to eat at a small, local place. They hire people who live locally. They buy their food at the farmers market and from local supplies. Those suppliers buy their products locally.

You see, shopping locally gives local people money to spend locally. This is what makes a community's economic development grow. As more people spend locally, the local businesses grow, hire more local people to work there and spend more money locally. It has a mushroom effect. When you take money and spend it outside of the community, you are helping to grow those other cities.

Now, I get you can't always buy things locally. I use software that is only available from big companies. I buy paper in bulk and can't find a company that sells it in bulk. If I have to get papers sent by overnight mail, I am limited in my choices. So, it is not always possible. Further, maybe you need a patent attorney. There are none in my town. But, if you call a local attorney for a referral, that local attorney gets "goodwill" from the attorney he/she recommends. That comes back to the local attorney in referrals from the other attorney, which then helps the local economy.

And, let's be honest, there are some businesses that you will not shop at, for a variety of reasons. For example, a local business owner in my town had a dispute with me over something. Instead of disagreeing, he chose to attack my character. That is his right. However, it is then my right to decide not to give him my money. After all, I work hard for it and why would I give it to someone who thinks I am a jerk? I wouldn't and you wouldn't either.

About that friendship part: if you are a friend and you enjoy our friendship, then it is worse when you decide to give your business to someone else. If we are friends, and I don't mean Facebook friends, but real, actual friends, then you should be willing to call me when you have a problem that requires my services. I may not be able to help you, or it may not be a good fit, but a friend should do business with other friends. It is not required, but friends help friends, and that means helping them with everything. Don't tell me we are friends then buy widgets at Walmart because you think they are cheaper than I sell them for.

I may be wrong, but I think there is something to shopping locally. Who is in with me?

Monday, June 30, 2014

Fucking idiots

Okay, this one won't go on Facebook.

Fucking idiots. These people are fucking idiots. So my kids born in October, November and December can play soccer at 4, but my kid born in September cannot. Seriously? Someone thinks there is logic to this.

We all know it is bullshit. They are just making crap up. And they aren't even good at it. You mean to tell me that someone born September 9 cannot play soccer for a season that starts on September 6. But a kid who was 4 through the entire season can play. That is proof you are full of crap.

Why not just say "Look, we don't want you coaching." At least be a man about it. Right? There are plenty of times I would like to just make crap up. But I can't. Its not in my DNA. My DNA tells me to call it like I see it. So, this is how I see it: BULLSHIT!

Okay, so these idiots want to ruin youth soccer. That is fine. Go ruin it. When you have run it into the ground, don't call me. I won't be there to help you!

Its amazing how adults ruin things

Last night I received a disturbing phone call. Okay, disturbing may not be the right word. An annoying phone call. Obnoxious maybe? It caused me some annoyance. So, this morning, I wrote a letter to Elk Grove Youth Soccer and West Lake Soccer Club. Here it is (with names changed to protect the innocent):

***********************************************************************

I am writing today after receiving a phone call last night from Ms. Jones, the assistant XXXXXXXXX for West Lake Soccer. A little background before I begin.

My kids first started playing in EGYSL in 2003. I was an assistant coach for a U6 boys team in the Laguna Creek Soccer Club. My oldest son played on that team at the ripe old age of 4. His birthday was not until after the season ended and he was in preschool at the time. We never registered him for Kindergarten at that time. My oldest son played for several years.

My second son played for West Lake starting in 2005. He was also 4 at the time. That child had an October birthday and my wife and I simultaneously registered him for preschool and Kindergarten, not knowing if we were going to hold him back. We didn’t make the decision to send him to Kindergarten until July of that year. He played for West Lake for several years.

My third son began playing soccer in 2007. He, too, was 4. He was a December birthday and never had any chance of going to Kindergarten during his first season. However, he was allowed to play without a problem. (By the way, he was allowed to play up 2 age groups when he was young as well, in 2009.)

Over the years, I have helped out EGYSL and West Lake numerous times. I was an unofficial board member for West Lake one year when Mr. Gones was the President. The next year, I was the equipment manager for the board. I received numerous calls from both EGYSL and West Lake when they needed a referee for a difficult game. I helped out countless times, including last year.

When there was a U14 team with no coach, I was asked if I would coach the team. My 11 year old was playing and should have been playing in U12. However, I agreed to play him up a year and coach a team, despite not wanting to coach that age or coach my son. That team, by the way, had 3 11 year olds on it to start the season, 3 kids who had never played soccer, and never more than 13 at a game, with most games having 11 or 12 players. Yet, the boys managed to go a respectable 5-5 and finished 4-1 to end the season.

With that background in place, I received a call last night from Ms. Jones. My 4 year old daughter, who has the earliest of any of my children’s birthdays, September 9, is not allowed to play soccer this year, despite me signing up to coach her team. She is signed up for Transitional Kindergarten because EGUSD will not let us challenge kindergarten until we are within 60 days of her birthday. That has been our plan, with the testing to occur on her birthday. However, I now understand that my daughter cannot play soccer this year. Honestly, this baffles me.

All 4 of my kids are fall birthdays. Of my 3 older children, they all played soccer at 4, which is when I started, even though 2 of them were never going into kindergarten when they started playing. Those two were both in preschool. However, suddenly the oldest of my children, the one most prepared to go to kindergarten, the most mature, and the most ready to play soccer, can’t play. This makes absolutely no sense. Quite honestly, it seems like adults ruining an opportunity for kids to play.

My daughter won’t play this year. You can send a refund check to me. There are two other families who signed up their kids to play on my team. I have talked to one already and I am sure they are going to request a refund as well. I believe that the 2nd family will request a refund as well. (Incidentally, Ms. Moser believes this is a mistake for those families, but if three girls who have been best friends for 2 years can’t play soccer together when the 3 dads were going to share coaching, then that is the decision for the families to make, not anyone else.) She may play next year, but she may not. She wanted to try soccer. She has other interests and will pursue those other interests. Sadly, while I believe that soccer does more to teach our youth about sports, sportsmanship, working with others, etc…


I believe that once again rules have been made with absolutely no forethought. Are all kinds between September 1 and December 1, the old cut off date, going to be told that they can’t play soccer? Will they find other activities and just not play soccer? Will kids who challenge into kindergarten after August 1 simply be told that they have to wait another year and miss out on that year of bonding? It is your league and you can make whatever rules you see fit. However, making it harder for kids to play soccer seems counterproductive especially in a time when “soccer fever,” something I have been waiting for since I saw Pele play in the 1970s, is finally taking root in Sacramento and the US

***********************************************************************
Now, let me rant. 

What the hell is wrong with people? Ignore for a minute all that I have done for the league over the years. Pretend I am Stern John. I don't know jack. Okay? Ready?

You have a kid who wants to play. And yet you say no. You are turning down a) money and b) kids. Just so we are clear, youth sports are designed for, wait for it..........................................................the youth. Yes, without kids, you have no sports league. No teams. No games. No league. No adults to get in the way. You need the kids. The kids need the adults substantially less.

How do I know this? I grew up playing sports. I played soccer in a league. But I also played basketball at the park. We played football. We played hockey. We played wiffle ball, and for the old timers, we played stoop ball, even if we called it curb ball. There were no leagues for most of this. We just played on the street, in a basement, or wherever we could find space. There were no adults around and we turned out just fine - other than one broken arm. 

And you are turning down a volunteer. Every freaking year sports leagues call up parents and say "Hey, we need a coach for this team. Will you volunteer?" They beg and plead for volunteers. Now they have one - Stern John. And they say no. They are turning down a coach. Seriously. For some made up rule that has never applied before. Nonsense.

Now, pretend I am me again. When they had no coach last year, there were 13 kids who could have been told that they can't play. A grand total of ZERO parents stepped up to coach the team. I didn't know these kids from Adam. But I agreed to coach and agreed to move my kid up an age group. And yet the reverse does not apply - they won't let my daughter play now. Seriously, if her birthday were 8 days earlier, we wouldn't be having this discussion. But she can't play because of 8 days. WHEN THEY HAVE A GUY WILLING TO COACH! 

And, let's be clear, in addition to having volunteered for these people for years, I am a damn good coach. Yes, I said it. I am a damn good coach. I could put up my team's records. But that isn't the sign of a good coach. My teams have fun. My kids learn the game. And I assure you that I do drills that most of these coaches couldn't figure out if you gave them step by step instructions, but that the kids rock at doing. They are easy - too easy for the coaches who think they know more than I do. See, you can read that here: http://randomrants08.blogspot.com/2009/05/beautiful-game.html 

36 years of soccer playing. 20 years of coaching. More than two decades of being a ref. And yet, I can't coach my daughter and 2 of her friends for some made up BS rule.

I will say - I think if I were Stern John and not Jon Stein, this wouldn't have happened. Yes, its freaking politics. Someone was pissed off that I did something and this is a good way of making a point. Great. You win. You are right. My daughter, who has wanted to play soccer since she was a baby, can't play this year. Next year, who knows? Maybe she plays. Maybe she doesn't play. She has other interests. 

I sure as hell don't need to coach. You mean spend 4 months playing babysitter because parents can't bother to sit at practice. Do everything because parents don't volunteer. Get yelled at because little Billy is playing the wrong position or didn't play enough of the game or the team lost. Get yelled at because some kid didn't get his medal, but mom and dad refused to help.. Put up nets, take down nets. And do it all with a smile. Yeah, I won't miss that at all. 

Sadly, I wonder what parents will get a call asking them to coach their kid when a willing coach was ready for his daughter...............I hope someone steps up. Otherwise, once again, the adults will have ruined it for the kids. 

Thursday, June 12, 2014

More on MLS in Elk Grove

Okay, so I wrote this on December 14, 2011: http://randomrants08.blogspot.com/2011/12/mls-in-elk-grove-i-think-not.html Let me hit the highlights if you don't want to read it:

1. So where to start? Should we start with Fabian Nunez? Dude was Speaker of the State Assembly. Dude's son killed a guy. Yes, we all make mistakes. I have made plenty. Just ask my wife. But, murder, manslaughter or anything close to it? Not on my list of sins. But, I get it, people screw up.

2. First, Sacramento could not support the Sacramento Knights, a minor league indoor soccer team. Stockton, our neighbor to the south, could not support the Stockton Cougars, another minor league indoor soccer team. We can barely keep the freaking Kings in Sacramento (although one of their idiot play by play guys is the reason I won't support them). We have lost 2, or is it 3, pro football teams. Heck, San Jose lost the Earthquakes several years ago. Yet, somehow, Elk Grove is going to support professional soccer.

3. Elk Grove has a mall that hasn't been finished. Elk Grove has a ridiculous number of foreclosures. Elk Grove has unemployment around 10%. Elk Grove schools are struggling. Yet, these people are going to support a professional sports team?

Then on November 4, 2013, I wrote this: http://randomrants08.blogspot.com/2013/11/morons-i-say-morons.html You don't want to read it? Fine, more highlights:

1. Do you know who is getting the next MLS team? Not Elk Grove. Why not? Because Elk Grove doesn't freaking listen. Not just to me, but to MLS. Orlando is getting the next MLS team. Why? Because Orlando deserves it. How do I know? Because Orlando has supported minor league soccer for years. Orlando has shown it is a great soccer city. So, MLS is going to reward Orlando. The moral of the story: if you want to play with the big boys, follow the fucking rules, you morons

2. You see, Elk Grove is not a destination. Never has been. Never will be. It doesn't need to be. Its not why we moved here. People moved here because they like it as it is, a small town where you can still go to the grocery store and see friends. A place where everybody knows your name. You walk in and feel like Norm.

Now, let me go a step further. There was a city council meeting last night. Here are some highlights courtesy of: http://www.elkgrovenews.net/2014/06/elk-grove-to-continue-its-pursuit-of.html Laura Gill, the city managerm expressed concern over a number of negotiation points that she said were not favorable for the city.  And then there is this: Patrick Hume asked "You are the captain of the ship, someday you will have shore leave and sipping lemonade, would you look back on this and say it was a good deal?"
"Not at the moment," Gill responded.
"The only reason why I say that is that because you all have lots of things you would like to get done," she added. "You have a civic center you would like to finish, you have an animal control shelter you need to contemplate once we get feedback from the consultant, and frankly, it's a matter of priorities."  

Of course, there is also this: Hume said he supported the competitive field component of the proposal, but expressed skepticism on the public financing aspect. He noted that the recent Sacramento County sales tax proposal to fund a soccer stadium there would only have a 20-percent public financing component.  

As I said on another page, "Not only is it a bad deal, but there is ZERO chance of getting an MLS team. Let's see: Minnesota is getting one. There is NYCFC. There is Miami. There is Orlando. There are ZERO teams that are moving. Then, if one reads what MLS actually says, they clearly state that you need a USL team to get an MLS team, unless you are a billionaire or David Beckham, neither of whom are building in Elk Grove. Guess who that means gets a team? Sac Republic. Why? Because THEY CAN FOLLOW DIRECTIONS! Seriously, folks, we learned this in kindergarten. If you can follow directions, it helps." 

This is absurd. It is moronic. It is idiotic. It is completely ridiculous. Look, MLS has laid out the criteria. There is one team in Sacramento following these criteria: Sacramento Republic. It is easy. Heck, even Wikipedia gets it: In February 2014, Garber again confirmed Minneapolis and San Antonio as candidates, and also mentioned San Diego and Sacramento as expansion candidates

This is idiotic. It is either a colossal clusterfuck, a sign that the Elk Grove City council has way too much free time, a sign that there is too much money for people, but not the city, or a sign that politicians will do anything to please a politician who has more power. I don't care which one you pick. Either way it is a mess, a disaster, an idea that will destroy Elk Grove while not resulting in an MLS team. 

Freaking idiots! 

Sunday, May 18, 2014

Some thoughts on my soccer

So today I played soccer. It is my regular Sunday soccer game. And when I got out there, as I was warming up, I thought "Am I done?"

You know they say that you are always the last one to know its time to hang up the cleats. It applies in every sport. Brett Favre. Dan Marino. Giorgio Chinaglia. It happens in every sport. And I thought maybe it was my time.

Then the game started. It was nothing different while I played. But the more I played, the less I enjoyed it. I probably should have quit early. But I didn't. I kept playing. And playing. And getting more and more frustrated. Maybe it was the whining. Maybe it was the piece of shit slide tackle. Maybe it was the guys who stand in front of the fucking goal. Maybe it was the guy who thought we played cherry picking soccer. I don't know.

But, maybe it was me. Maybe the game has just passed me by. Maybe at 40 it is my time to hang it up. Maybe I go with the fact that I had a good run. I have been playing 36 years. I have made quite a few friends. I have enjoyed most of those 36 years. I have great memories with my teammates. I have great memories with my dad. I have been fortunate to play in many states and see many different things.

One day, a few years ago, I realized I was no longer able to play competitive soccer. I just couldn't care enough about winning. I wasn't willing to do what some of these a-holes were doing. I wasn't going to recruit college players. I wasn't going to stack my team or bring in ringers. I was just going to play and enjoy the game. But when other people play like its the World Cup and you don't care anymore, you realize it is time to call an end to playing and worrying about winning.

Today struck me as one of those days. Maybe it is just too much. Maybe driving there and playing is not what I need. Maybe I need to fish more. Maybe I need to sit back and watch others play. Maybe I need to find another way to relieve my stress. I don't know. I do know this is the first time in 36 years I have thought about giving up the game.

I will take some time off. I will think about it. But, I do wonder if the fact that I am thinking about this is my subconscious' way of telling me it is time............

Monday, April 28, 2014

When are we going to stop?

Okay, so I have to get this off my chest. Let me start with this: Donald Sterling is an idiot. He is also, probably, a racist. I assume we all agree on that. If you don't know what I am talking about, A - take your head out from the sand you buried it in, B - you are a moron. So, go with this assumption.

But before we all tell the world that Donald Sterling is the anti-Christ, let's stop and think about our own behavior. I have written about this before. But let me re-state my position since some idiot like Sterling comes along and people stop thinking about racism properly.

If you are an African-American, and you use the "n" word, then you really can't complain when other people use that word. Why? Because you have implicitly stated it is okay to use it. Don't go with "It is a term of endearment when I talk to my buddies." It isn't. It is a racist term. You may not think you are a racist, but if you are using the N word, you are promoting racist. You see, racism can't go on if good people stand up and say enough is enough.

And I could substitute "African-American" and "n word" for a variety of groups. Jews and the "k word." Mexican and the "w word." (Think about it people.) Puerto Ricans and the "s word." How many more examples do you need? These words have meaning and those meanings are evil.

Then I turn on ESPN Radio. I am listening to the Dan LeBatard show. He has some co-host, some side kick, some idiot, Stugotz on his show. I don't know Stugotz from Stu-pid-asshole. But this guy says he has a different take on the Donald Sterling issue. So he then proceeds to say that all Jewish women are crazy.

How the hell is this different from any of the other racist, anti-semitic, misogynistic comments that people make? You see, the problem here is that when you paint with a broad brush, you are, by definition, being a bigot.

All soccer players are wusses. All football players are dumb jocks. All cheerleaders are easy. All sports talk hosts are failures at sports. All tv people are stuck up. All side kicks on radio shows are idiots. None of these are true. But you can make those statements - and sound like a douchebag.

But, worse than that, you can do it with race, religion, national origin and sexual orientation. "All blacks are dumb." NO! They aren't. But you could say it. "All Jews are cheap." Really? "All mormons are cultists." Sure, if you are an idiot. "All gays are pushing the 'gay agenda.'" (What the fuck is a gay agenda?) Every single one of them? All Africans are unsophisticated. Not true.  All Americans are lazy. Except the person saying it, of course.

Look, Dan Le Batard should know better. Stugotz, who claims to be Jewish, really should know better. I don't care if you are a Jewish guy and talking about Jewish people. If you use your national platform to talk negatively about a group, any group, even a group to which you belong, you should be canned. You are only encouraging those morons who believe what you said. So, now the anti-semitic folks are going to say "See, all Jews are crazy. Some Jewish dude said it on ESPN Radio." You have used your platform not for good, but for evil. You are a moron.

When are we going to stop?

Wednesday, April 23, 2014

Idiots

So today on Facebook, my status was:

Dear Lawyers:

1. I don't care where the hell you went to college.
2. I don't care where the hell you went to law school.
3. I don't care how old you were when you graduated college.
4. I don't care how old you were when you gradated law school.
5. You do NOT have a doctorate. You are not a doctor. Never have been. Never will be.
6. If you are so pompous that you think I need to know 1 through 4 or you plaster your website with 5, you and I will have a problem.


Why would this be my status? Because I was in a bad mood. Let me give you my rules for dealing with people:

A. I don't trust you if you go by your middle name. You are starting out our relationship, be it personal or professional, by hiding something. Primarily, you are hiding your first name. I don't know why you are hiding it. I don't care why you are hiding it. I just know that you are hiding it. Remember that dumb saying that you don't get a second chance to make a first impression? Well, that is true when you go by your middle name. Its like giving me the middle finger! 

B. If you have to tell me how smart you are, then you are not that smart. I told this story to someone today. I didn't know that my dad had his PhD until I was 12. I didn't have a clue as to how smart he was until I was 15 or 16. I didn't really know how smart he was until I was in my 20s. Why? Because he never had to prove to anyone how smart he was. He was just smart. If you think you have to prove to me that you are smart, then you aren't really that smart. Easy enough?

C. If you have to tell me how old you were when you made some major life accomplishment, you are a douchebag. I don't care if you were 10 when you graduated high school. I don't care if you were Dr. Sheldon Cooper. I don't care if Doogie Howser was based on you. Not only do I not care, no one else cares. If you think you need to tell people, then you are a douchebag. Plain and simple. Hence, "Dear Douchebag: We don't care how old you were when you were potty trained. Sincerely, Civilization."

D. If you tell me how old you were when you graduated from college, you have a small dick. Seriously. Yes, I said it. No one cares. That would be the worst pick up line ever. "Hey baby, I graduated college at 15. Wanna have sex?" Worst. Ever. Seriously. It doesn't matter if you were 15, 25, 35, or 95. No one cares. I have to think about how old I was when I graduated college. And law school. Why? Because I don't care how old I was. Life isn't about what you do at a certain age. It is about what you do to make the world a better place.

E. If you have a law degree, you are not a doctor. End of story. Don't even argue it. I am not Dr. Jones. You are an attorney. You are a lawyer. You are a person. You are not a doctor. Don't refer to yourself that way. If you must refer to yourself that way, then you need to call your local plastic surgeon because someone pulled a Lorena Bobbitt on you. (Look it  up, youngsters!) Seriously. We are not doctors. Stop it. Stop it. Stop it. 

F. If you have fallen into more than one of these categories, you need a life. Not a "are you breathing?" life, but a real, honest to goodness, fucking life. Get out of the house. Make some friends. Stop driving your Bentley or your Rolls or your whatever. Go out to dinner with some friends. Join Match.com. Get laid. Do something with your life. Because you clearly think the world revolves around you. It does not. Trust me. It never has. It never will. 

Look, this is simple. Just be a decent person. Fuck up once in a while. It is okay. But don't brag about yourself. Don't think anyone else cares. Don't try to be a superhero. Just be yourself. And if you look in the mirror and you can't be yourself, then realize you are an idiot. People see through fake. Sure, it may work for a year or 10 years, but at the end of this, you end up as a loser. 

Am I clear? 

Sunday, March 16, 2014

Dear Starbucks........

Dear Starbucks:

You are kidding, right? Today was just a bad dream. It was a nightmare, right? I didn't have the experience I just had, right? Tell me it wasn't so.

You see, some people tell me I am a bit rigid. I have my routines. One of my routines is waking up on a Sunday morning, taking the kids to Noahs and then stopping at Starbucks at 19th and J Street in downtown Sacramento. They know me. They know my drinks. They are friendly. There is a group of regulars. We talk. We eat. We laugh. We watch the people walking on the sidewalks.

This morning, I get up. I start my drive downtown. I get to J St. There is some race. Maybe its a half marathon. Maybe its a 5k. I don't know what it is. People are dressed in green and running. So the streets are closed. I tried three times to get around the race, but wherever I turned there were little green people running. Fine. I give up. The green people win.

But wait...........just when I start to lose hope, I remember. There is a Starbucks at 15th and Broadway. I can sing one of my favorite songs...........It starts like this "Me and Kid Sensation and that home away from home/In the Black Benz Limo, with the cellular phone....." Hey, its a Starbucks. There are three that I go to that are simply spectacular (not just used to describe one of Jerry's girlfriends). The rest are good. Its a chain. I have certain expectations. Yeah, about those expectations..........

So we walk in to this Starbucks. It turns out it is store 5963. I didn't know that at the time.......Anyway, I walk in. There are two kids in front of us in line. The nice girl takes my order. It isn't rocket science. An organic vanilla milk box. Two kids cocoas. A plain bagel. A pumpkin loaf. A coffee cake. An egg and cheese sandwich. A venti iced mocha, decaf, non fat, no whip. It is not rocket science people.

So we get the milk. Heck, we took the box of milk. Its in the cooler. Easy. Done. We get the pumpkin loaf. Bam. Two for two. Then it appears that those little green people must have invaded Starbucks. Because it was all downhill from there.

Two cocoas come out a few minutes later. Fine. It took a bit long and it shouldn't be rocket science. Then we get my coffee. Okay, so we are 5 for 5. The wait is a bit much for a store that isn't busy. But I can deal with it so far. Then there is a bagel. It is the wrong bagel, but fine. 5 for 6 is a B, I guess. Sadly, it went from 5 for 6 to 5 for 8. Why?

That coffee cake? Yeah, it didn't come. Apparently, it is hard to take the coffee cake out of the case and put it in a bag. The egg and cheese sandwich? I think they were waiting for the hens to lay the eggs. I ask the barista who is closest to me if he can check into it. He tells me that the food is backed up so it should be another minute. Maybe another hour was what he meant.

A few more minutes. Still no food, but we got the bagel. So I get back in line with my 10 year old. A woman asks if we need anything. I explain I need the sandwich and the coffee cake. She will get right on it. Good. What can it take? 2 minutes? Maybe 3? WRONG!

I go back up and ask to speak to a manager. I thought this was going to be a good thing. WRONG! I guess I was 0 for 2. The manager is the woman who told me that she would get right on the food. I still think she is waiting for the cheese to separate from the curd. A male employee, I think his name was Michael, is also there. Apparently, he wanted to show the manager he was an alpha male. Yeah, newsflash dude: you aren't.

Now, from what I know about business, if a customer wants to speak to a manager, a manager comes to the customer. There should not be a gap of 10 feet between the manager and the customer. (Okay, exception if there is a threat of violence.) This manager apparently has a 10 foot personal space need since that is the closest she got to me.

I need her to hear me. I need her to understand how frustrated I am. So I ask where the food is. She told me it was in line. WHOA! My food should have been cooked well before now. She says she thought I wanted the coffee cake heated up. WHAT? Hot coffee cake? That sounds as good as hot ice cream. No thanks. At this point Michael decides he is smarter than me. He tells me not to yell. Mind you, if you have ever heard me yell, you know that Michael wouldn't have been able to tell me not to yell as his ear drums would have been ruptured. When I yell, restaurants stop. Just ask anyone who has been on the receiving end of that.

I tell him I am not yelling. He gets in my face. Now, at this point, I thought the manager would step forward and tell him to go take a break. WRONG! Yes, I am 0 for 3. She doesn't. I continue to express my frustration. He continues to tell me to calm down. Yeah, calm? On a Sunday morning? I am calm. Dufus then tells me that its just Sunday morning. Great, its Sunday morning. And I have things to do. I then ask the manager if all of her employees talk to customers this way. No response.

They ended up refunding me for the milk, the bagel, the coffee cake (that I never got!), the cocoa and the pumpkin loaf. My coffee and my egg sandwich, that I never got, were not refunded to me.

So, lets see: I had to pay about $8.00 to get service so bad it makes the Embassy Suites Anaheim South look good. (read: http://www.tripadvisor.com/ShowUserReviews-g32420-d224310-r152254596-Embassy_Suites_Anaheim_South-Garden_Grove_California.html#CHECK_RATES_CONT) Yes, it cost me money to get service this bad.

I am going to write to Starbucks. I hope they do something. If I ran a business and found out one of my stores treated someone this badly, I would be embarrassed. I admit it - I am a Starbucks junkie. I have had a gold card for years. I know several managers. All are great people. But this - this was a freaking nightmare.


Thursday, March 6, 2014

A week from hell

I am in a bad mood. It has been a week. A very, very long week. Where do I start? Wait, I know, people have it worse than me. Sick kids. Dying parents. I get it. So this is not a "oh pity me" post. I am fortunate enough to have this blog to vent. So now I vent.

Lets see............dear douchebags who stole my credit cards - twice: you suck. Really? Is it that cool to spend someone else's money? Do you think it is a good idea to use my credit card? Sure, I don't know who you are. But I am pretty sure you are not a short, white, bald dude. And I am pretty sure I bust my ass harder than you bust yours. So you are stealing. Just so we are clear. It is theft. You are a thief. You are a no good piece of crap. I hope you end up living under a gutter.

Okay, the rest of it isn't that bad. At least, I don't think. A flat tire. New tires on the car. People who don't listen..........oh, and debt collectors.

I did get some good lines in.

Lets see. If you are a debt collector and you are attempting to collect a debt from overseas, do not be surprised when I tell you that my left testicle is smarter than you. Yes, when you tell me that the law does not apply to you and that you will do whatever you want to do, I may explain to you how my left testicle is smarter than you. What? You don't like that. Well, guess what? I don't like douchebags. I guess we are even.

But, that wasn't even the best. There is a debt collector who shall remain nameless (FS Mediation aka FS Legal or FS Law). These folks are in NY or OH or Toronto. Or some other Gawd-awful place. They are some of the most idiotic people you have met. Seriously. Find the dumbest dude you know. Then think that he is 10 times smarter than these folks.

So, yesterday, this Patty Callahan dude told my client he was the President. Then he told me he was a paralegal to some 90 year old attorney who practices family law. I asked for his address. He didn't know it. Yes, dude told me that he doesn't know his address. I may have told him that he is an idiot. May have. Not sure.

Today, I spoke with some other guy who told me he couldn't give me a fax number. I asked him "Does your mom know you are a scam artist? Is she proud of you for being a scam artist?" For some reason, he didn't find that funny. But dude is running a scam. No fax? No email? No address? Yes, we call that a scam. And he was offended. Can you believe that?

You want offensive? This is offensive: you take advantage of the elderly, single moms, women, people with disabilities. At some point, I will track you down. I will find you. I always do. Until then, please understand that my left big toe is smarter than you. And if you think I am wrong, you can kiss my white ass.

Wednesday, February 5, 2014

Idiots

People are idiots. Just simply fucking idiots. I don't get it. But they are.

I live in Elk Grove. Its a nice town. We have 160,000 people or so. We have some really nice places. We have some farmland. We have residential tracts. We have businesses. We have a lot. We also have some problems.

But let's be clear about something: Elk Grove is not a dump. It is not a zombie town. It is not a hole. It is not a lot of things.

If you don't like Elk Grove (and please feel free to insert the name of your town here since I am sure this applies to a lot of places), then you have three options:

1. Leave. Seriously. Pick your crap up and move. If you need help, call. I will help you. I will pack your shmatas (as my mom would have said) and drop them off in whatever hole you want to go live in. Maybe you want to move to Compton. Maybe you want to move to San Francisco. Maybe you want to just move to the middle of the Pacific Ocean. You can leave.

2. You can shut the fuck up. Yes, STFU as the kids would say. Shut up. If you don't like it, you can just mind your own fucking business and shut your fat mouth. There. Done. Problem solved. Then people like me don't have to listen to people like you. Ever. Again. That would make it so much nicer!

3. You can do something about it and try to make Elk Grove (or whatever town) a better place. Get out and volunteer. Join a neighborhood watch. Help out local kids. Do something, anything, to make your town a better place. If that is too much for you to do, then read 1 and 2 - leave or shut the fuck up. It is that simple.

You can either be part of the problem or part of the solution. If you want to be part of the problem, then leave. That is one less problem for me. It is one less whiner. It is one less jackass who apparently can't get the fuck out of bed to make the world a better place.

So are you an idiot or are you a difference maker?

Monday, January 27, 2014

I am not an asshole

I was called an asshole yesterday. Yeah, there are times I can be an asshole. I am an asshole to debt collectors. I have been an asshole at other times. Sometimes, I deserve to be called an asshole. But, yesterday, I was not an asshole.

Look, I run a business for a living. I charge people money. I don't apologize for that. Nor should I. A little story........... (And don't aww me or tell me how amazing I am. I am not amazing. I don't want to hear that crap. This is just to give you background.)

I graduated from college in 4 years. As it is now, it was a time when not a lot of people got out in 4 years. I took over 20 units my last semester to get out in 4 years. That included tutoring, an internship, and a job. We had a mortgage to pay, after all.

I got a job out of college. I worked hard at it. 3 years and 3 months after starting that job, I earned my CPCU. (Google it.) Back then, the CPCU was 10 essay exams. Essays. For hours. It also required 3 years of work experience. Do the math. It was tough.

Then, a year later, I started law school. 4 years. At night. While working full time. Kids came in years 2 and 4. 4 am feedings. Late nights after school. Very little sleep. It was stressful on me. It was more stressful on my wife. It was stressful on my kids. Do you know how many vacations I took while in law school? 1. 1 actual vacation.

I took the bar exam after graduation. Passed on my 1st try. I had surgery the next day. 2 months after the bar exam, my dad died. He never saw me get sworn in. It has been almost 11 years since I was sworn in. Do you know how many actual vacations I have taken in those 11 years? I mean a "let's not work and take time off for more than a weekend" type vacations. Wanna guess? 2.

3 vacations in 15 years. Sometimes, it sucks. I don't get a steady paycheck. I don't get vacation time. I don't get PTO. Benefits? Yeah, I pay full price for those. And you know what, I wouldn't change it.

Don't pity me. I don't pity me. I wouldn't change this. I haven't missed any of my kid's events. I have been there when they need me. Heck, I picked up my elementary school kid by walking to his school on Friday. Its the life I chose. I get it.

But I don't work for free. I have a wife to support. I have 4 kids to support. I have a mortgage to pay. I have bills to pay.

Yes, I take pro bono cases. But I make that decision, not you. If you ask for free help, my response is generally no. If you expect me to help you for free, my answer is fuck no.

So, imagine my surprise when a "friend" mails papers to my house with a note that she expects me to take care of her lawsuit. Yeah, I don't do that. Not to my business. No phone call. No request. No offer to pay. An envelope with a copy of a lawsuit and a note that told me to deal with it. My response: a letter to her telling her I don't represent her. This is what I would send to anyone who sends me unsolicited papers or assumes I will represent them without signing a fee agreement. It is fairly standard.

Yesterday, this "friend's" partner came up to me, in front of my 4 year old and other adults, and called me an asshole. This is wrong on so many levels. 

First, who calls someone an asshole in front of other adults? You don't know those people. You don't know how I know these people. Maybe they are friends. Maybe they are clients. Maybe it is someone who is interviewing me. But now, suddenly, I have to explain why you called me an asshole. Thankfully, these folks ignored it, as most of us would do. But you don't do that to someone.

Second, who calls someone an asshole in front of that person's kids? My daughter is 4. You want to call me an asshole in front of her? I am pretty sure that makes you the asshole. Of course, I didn't say that back because, well, I don't curse in front of kids, especially 4 year olds. That is simply idiotic and moronic.

Third, this was at a temple. You are going to use profanity at a place of worship? Really? That doesn't seem very god like. I mean, you are in God's holy place and you think dropping a little profanity is the way to go. Who taught you this?

Fourth, why, exactly, am I an asshole? Because I won't represent you for free. Do you expect your doctor to treat you for free? Your dentist? Is your landlord supposed to give you a break too? When do you think you should pay for services?

Yes, I have asked a friend for a favor before. Hey, can you pull a title on this house? Hey, can you give a friend an insurance quote. But, a) I refer these people business and b) it usually is a precursor to paying them. Oh, and it never involves more than a few minutes and I sure as hell wouldn't ask a real estate friend to sell my house for free. Once an attorney gets involved in litigation, its not easy to get out.

Look, folks, attorneys are people too. We have families. We have bills. Just because you know us doesn't mean we are obligated to help you for free. If you want help, offer to pay us. Sure, we may say no. I know I have done that a few times. But at least fucking offer to pay me. Don't assume I will work for free. And sure as heck don't call me names when I won't.

This is how I support my family. It is not a crime. I should not be ashamed. I am not going to be embarrassed or bullied about it. I busted my ass. The reward is that I get to run my own business. If our friendship is built on you thinking you can get something for nothing from me, go fuck yourself. And don't talk to me again.

Tuesday, January 14, 2014

On manhood

Okay, so its not often I get involved in something that is current. Normally, I am ripping on idiots or making fun of some schmuck at the store. Sometimes, I make fun of some current "star" like when I mocked Michael Phelps' pot use or rap like Pitbull. (Dude still needs a new name. He is a freaking moron and can't sing! I am sure my raps are better than his!!) But, today, I need to weigh in on something that is bothering me. Men!

Did you know a study came out a few months ago about men? Yep. Some fool studied how much sex men get who do "women's chores." You don't believe me? Read it here: http://thelibertarianrepublic.com/study-men-womens-chores-get-less-sex/ Seriously, this was a real study. Some morons paid these people to study what kind of man gets more sex. How this affects the world or makes the world a better place, I have no idea. But the conclusion is that we need socialized gender roles, apparently.

Then my wife told me about some story she read on Huffington Post. I looked it up. Dude is "Daddy Doin' Work." Here is his website: http://daddydoinwork.com/ I don't know him, but there is some good stuff there. You should read it. Now. Go read it. Then come back here.

He was apparently attacked for a picture of him doing his daughter's hair with a baby in a baby carrier. Let me be clear on this: FUCK THAT! (No, not him. The people who attacked him. Maybe that wasn't clear enough.)

You know what I think of all of this? Its nonsense. Its all garbage. Its not worth the paper it was written on. (Or the typing spent writing this crap.) Let me give you my thoughts. 

What did you do this weekend? Beats the hell out of me. What did I do this weekend? I baked a pie. I cleaned the house. I watched the kids. I coached wrestling. I played soccer. I took my kids to breakfast. I went shopping at Target. I hung out with my daughter.

I just don't get it. Why do we need to have these ridiculous rules? We didn't have them when I was growing up.We didn't have anyone tell us we had to be real men and women had to be real women.

I was a little kid when I heard stories of my mom's dad. He was a "man." He was tough. He ate horse. Seriously. My grandfather ate horse. He was a boxer. He was a tough guy. In his 80s, I am sure he could still have kicked the crap out of me. He always looked like a boxer. He owned a laundromat. He sold Disney vacations or something like that. But he was a man. No one would have ever questioned that my grandfather was a man's man.

Then there was my dad. I found out my dad was a bad ass when he was growing up. He would kick the crap out of people.  There was always a good reason. Usually, those reasons had to do with my uncle getting in trouble and my dad having to fix it. He also was a chemist and a very good businessman. Smartest guy I ever knew. He would mow the lawn and take care of his family. My dad was a man's man as well.

Then, in the early 2000s, suddenly a man was something different. We had that Queer Eye for the Straight Guy show. Suddenly a real man was someone who shaved his whole body. Yeah, lets just be clear. I never shaved my whole body. Ever. Nope. But a man also had to be able to cook and clean. He had to groom daily. He had to have some "soft side." It was all the rage to be a metrosexual. I still don't know what that word means. But men were suddenly all metrosexual. At least, if you wanted to be "cool" you were a metrosexual. I guess I wasn't cool!

Now, we want to go back to men doing men things and women doing women things. What the hell does that mean? Am I supposed to tell my daughter she can't play with cars and trucks? Are my boys not allowed to learn to cook? I am so confused by all of this.

Here is what I know. A man takes care of his family. Maybe he works two jobs. I went to law school at night while working full time. Sucked. Yep. I was up at 4am to feed the baby (we had two), was in the office by 5, worked, came home so my wife could go to work, then left to go to school when she came home. Did I enjoy it? Nope. But it was necessary for my family.

Maybe a man makes sacrifices that we don't know about. I didn't know my dad overmedicated for his Parkinson's disease until he died. He wanted to provide for his family. So, understanding the risks, he took the medication necessary to work and provide for us. That was his choice. Right or wrong, in hindsight, makes no difference. A man will step up and do what is needed to take care of his family.

So here is what I tell all of these geniuses: fuck off. You guys are crazy. All of you. Men don't have to be tough guys, but we can be. I can still throw a punch to knock someone out. I can still wrestle. I can still play soccer. Sure, I am older, but I can still do it. I can run, I can do yard work, I can build something.

But, I can also cook. I can bake. I can clean. I can hold my daughter when she cries. I can throw on a suit and look better than you. Yep, its true.

I can do all of those things. I don't have to pick. Nor should I pick. I can go grab a beer with the guys and have discussions that I would never talk about. I can also take my wife to a nice dinner and wine and dine her. I can take her on a date.

If you think we have to pick, you are an idiot who has never had to be a real man. Real men do it all.