It could have been me

I have been reading about the shooting in Connecticut. Let me start by saying that this is a horrible thing and I feel so badly for everyone. Read that again: I feel badly for everyone. There are 26 families whose lives have been ruined. No, make that 27.

Adam Lanza did a terrible thing. He killed 26 people. 20 of those were kids, the most innocent. No one can explain this as anything other than terrible.........but let us not forget his family.

There but for the grace of God go I. And in this case, I can see myself as one of the parents of the victims. I have 4 kids, all of whom are school age. Well, my youngest is in pre-school. But that is still school, right? Its not far fetched to believe that what happened in Connecticut could happen in California or Texas or anywhere else.

But, unlike most people, I can see myself as Adam Lanza's dad. I have a son with significant mental health issues. I can't even go into how significant they are, but suffice it to say, I don't think the doctors have a handle on how bad it is. How do you explain an IQ that has fallen 40% in 5 years? How do you explain outbursts of violence? I am sure there is an explanation, but what is it? I don't know and I don't know that anyone else does either. In fact, I am convinced of it.

For now, we have him in a place where he is relatively safe. And everyone else is too. But for how long? I don't expect anyone else to understand. After all, you haven't walked a mile in our shoes, and I don't think you would want to walk 528 feet in my shoes. It is beyond no fun. It is simply going from one problem to the next.

What happens when we continue to cut mental health services? What happens when he turns 18? 19? We can only do so much to keep him in a safe place. I am not sure how long such an existence can last.

But what happens if he turns 18 and the state says he has to leave? Where does he go? Does he come home to a place where we cannot keep him safe when he will be significantly bigger than all of us? Heck, at 13 he is almost as tall as me and almost as heavy. And he is strong as an ox.

Does he wander the streets? Does society just say "Sorry, we don't have a place for you, so good luck?" What happens to these people?

I don't keep guns in my house, but I understand why some do. I also know that this could happen without owning a gun. People with mental health issues don't just use what is in their home. They can be very smart and creative when it comes to getting what they want, or think they want.

I don't excuse what Adam Lanza did. But, I also know that he was not a monster or an animal or whatever words people have used. He had some significant mental health issues. And before we all jump up and down yelling for gun control or we start blaming the parents, lets take a good long look in the mirror and figure out where society has failed those people who have such significant mental health problems that, for them, life seems like a constant nightmare.

Adam Lanza did a terrible thing, but is not a terrible person. Sadly, I could see myself in his dad's position one day if we continue down a path where we fail to have a comprehensive plan in place to provide mental health services.