Adults ruin things

I am in a bad mood and short on time. And then I am sitting down at my computer and I come across this: http://rivals.yahoo.com/highschool/blog/prep_rally/post/Top-soccer-team-booted-from-playoffs-for-strange?urn=highschool-wp7674

What the fuck is wrong with adults? Seriously. So this team from NY, the Holland High Dutchwomen, went 15-2 this year in their season. Thats a pretty impressive record in high school, college, or at Under 10. However, they dont qualify to play in the NY state tournament. Why? I mean, 15-2 they should be seeded like 1st or 2nd, right? WRONG!

You see, some egghead in NY decided varsity teams cannot play more than 16 games in a season. An honest mistake was made by the Holland High Athletic Department. The girls played 17 games. So what is the proper punishment? A ban from the postseason. Seriously? Who comes up with these bullshit rules?

You know what the punishment is? Its supposed to fit the "crime." The crime was playing an extra game. Change their record to 14-2 and give one of their opponents an extra win. Easy. Drop their seed so they aren't seeded 1st and they are seeded 5th. Fine. Explain to them that a mistake was made and they still get to play BECAUSE THE GIRLS DID NOTHING WRONG.

I mean this is a joke. Who is in charge in NY? Oh, I know. Some guy who makes too much money at his job, has a ridiculous pension, and has never played organized sports a day in his life. How do I know this? Because anyone who has played organized sports knows that you want a chance to prove you are the best. Win, lose or draw, you want your shot. And, whoever wins the postseason "championship" wins it knowing that they didn't play Holland High.

How would that feel? Congratulations, East West High of NY. You won but one of the best teams in the state didn't get a chance to play in the tournament so we don't really know how good you are. You might be the best. But the girls from Holland might be better. We dont know and we will never know.

I dont care if you go to Holland High, or like me, you don't know where Holland High is located. I don't think I could pick it out on a map of NY with only two places listed and one of them being Manhattan. I know that as a competitor, an athlete, I want to play the best. I want to show I am the best. Isnt that what this should be about?

Sure, lets get on the Holland High administrators. Maybe they think 15+2 is 16 in that new math that they teach. Fine. 10 lashes with a wet noodle for them. Maybe they think that no one would catch on. Maybe they just plain old fucked up. I am fine with that and with some sort of "punishment" for the adults. But to sit here and punish these girls for something they didn't do is simply wrong. Plain and simple. The state of NY should get its act together and let these girls play.

By the way, go "like" their facebook page: https://www.facebook.com/pages/Justice-for-Holland-Girls-Varsity-Soccer/256170881101445#!/pages/Justice-for-Holland-Girls-Varsity-Soccer/256170881101445 And if you are up to it, email the jackasses who are ruining it for these girls.

Some thoughts - just thoughts

I dont know sometimes. I am sitting here in my kitchen, sad, alone. Physically alone. I have friends and family and they are great. But sometimes I still feel alone. Part of that is me. I dont open up very well. I know. Its a character flaw. Part of it is life. I just dont want to talk about everything. Thats why I have this.

So I sit here sad. My stomach hurts. My head hurts. I probably have the flu. I know I have stress. Tums tastes like crap. I have music playing, but idiot Jon decides it would be good to listen to depressing music. Yep, thats me. When you are sad, of course you should listen to sad music. What fucking kind of idiot am I? I dont know. Maybe I wouldnt be sad if I listened to upbeat music. Hmmm.....I should try that some day. Not now. Some day.

I guess its insecurity. I wish it wasnt, but it is. It has to be. Am I going to fail? How badly am I going to fail? Was my fucking high school guidance counselor right? Should I have joined the Army and not gone to college? Was my dad right? Did it matter that I didnt know what I wanted to do with my life at 14, 15, 16? Hell, I didnt know what I wanted to do with my life at 24, 25, 26.

I dont know why I do what I do. I practice law because I like helping people. A friend of mine said I do God's work. I dont know about that. Maybe I do have a Napolean syndrome. Maybe growing up short made me want to show people I am some big tough guy. But Im not. I get that. Its not me. I can huff and puff with the best of them. Dont get me wrong. But I dont want to. I dont need to show someone that I have a bigger dick.

I am sensitive. I care. Its a fucking flaw in an attorney. I know that. Youre not supposed to care about your clients. Youre supposed to be a jackass who is cold and calculating and can show everyone what a smart guy you are. My problem: I aint that smart. Fuck, I was smart I wouldnt listen to the Commodores or Dan Fogelberg when I am not in a great mood. Well, maybe I am not a compete idiot since I did just change the music to Eminem. Yep, I admit it, I like white rappers. The guy may have other issues in life, but he can put together a song.

I guess we all have issues. I dont know what your issues are. I dont know that I need to know. Maybe its none of my business. I know I dont share my issues. 3, 4, 5 people maybe. Men in my family dont discuss our problems. I guess its my dad's fault or his dad's fault. Its just not what we do. We keep it inside.

So, I admit it, I keep things in me. And there are times they come out. Maybe its not the best time. I do know that I speak with passion when these things are inside me. I have been told by other attorneys it comes across as caring too much, being emotional. But is that so bad? Its me. Its how I am. I remember my closing argument in every case. Not word for word, but I do remember how they went. Every one of them had some emotion in it. Is that so bad?

Does this make me soft? Does it make me a wuss? I dont know. I leave that to other people. You only get one shot. Yes, I stole that from Eminem. It came on and it seemed to fit.

So, fine, lets say I am soft, or emotional or whatever? So what? Does that make me weak? Does it come across like you can bully me? I dont know. Maybe. I guess I have never cared enough about what other people think. I know who I am. I am the short bald guy who cares, thinks that there is actually good and evil in the world, and believes at the end of the day, if you do the right thing, you can fuck up quite a bit, but you still come out okay.

I also know I fight. A lot. I dont want to. I am more than happy to get along with everyone, resolve differences and move on with life. I like that. It makes my life so much easier. But fuck with me and try to bully me and I push back. I just do. Its how I am wired. Maybe its from growing up. Maybe its from not standing up for other people when I was growing up. Maybe its just that I really am a jackass. I dont know.

All I know is I am tired of people assuming that my caring, my emotion is a sign of weakness. I am sure its not. Its a sign of me. Its a sign that I am comfortable with who I am, what I am. I genuinely believe that people are good. I genuinely believe people should get a second chance. I genuinely believe that we all fuck up. You dont think you do? Really? I know my fuck ups can't be counted on one hand, two hands, or 100 hands. Hell, most of my first 16 years were screw ups. I accept that. Its my fault.

That doesnt make me a bad person. Someone I know recently admitted to making a mistake and didnt seem to be getting a second chance. Thats wrong. To err is human, right? Well, to err is human and to learn from your mistakes makes you a damn good person.

I guess I need some sort of end to this. Some sort of resolution. I dont think I have it. I think my resolution is this: I am going to go forward for the next 38 years (a man can hope, right?) and learn from the mistakes I have made over the last 38 years. I am not perfect. I am not a saint. I am a man, a flawed man. I will continue to make mistakes. I will continue to learn from them. I will NOT make the same mistake twice. I will continue to care. I will continue to believe people are good. I will continue to believe people should get a 2nd chance, a 3rd chance, even. I will continue to defend what I think is right, to do what I think is right, and to stick up for those who can't stand up for themselves. And if you continue to push me, to bully me, to try to take advantage of me, I will push back, hard. It may not always be the perfect response, but its how I am wired. Maybe that is the one mistake I wont learn from, but I dont see it as a mistake, I see it as me. While I will apologize when I am wrong, I will not apologize for being me.

Mental Illness and Idiots

Dear Grant Napear:

You are an idiot. Not just any idiot, a fucking dumbass idiot. You talk without knowing anything. You seem to think you are smart, which makes you even dumber. I am pretty sure Patrick "We make a lot of money, but we spend a lot of money" Ewing is smarter than you.

So, on tonight's "show" and I use that word loosely, Dumbass was talking about Brandon Marshall. Now, Brandon Marshall plays in the National Football League. He plays wide receiver for the Miami Dolphins. To borrow from the basketball players, dude can ball. But, he has had some issues. Turns out, he is suffering from borderline personality disorder. What is that? Good question. NAMI, the National Alliance on Mental Illness, describes it here: http://www.nami.org/Template.cfm?Section=By_Illness&Template=/TaggedPage/TaggedPageDisplay.cfm&TPLID=54&ContentID=44780

So Brandon Marshall made a comment tonight. From ESPN:

"I'm not joking. I'm serious," Marshall told the South Florida Sun Sentinel. "They're going to fine me. It's probably going to be like a $50,000 fine. But that quarter and a half that I'm out there, I'm going to play like a monster.

"I might get in a fight with Bart Scott. (Antonio) Cromartie, we pretty much matured our relationship and grew a little bit. We used to fight in Denver and San Diego. If that happens, it happens, so we'll see."

So dude is saying he is going to get in a fight and is going to get kicked out of the game. Not the best thing to say. He is part of a team. It takes all 11 of them to win. That's kind of how team sports work. And if you want to win, you play as a team. I think we all know that. Brandon Marshall getting thrown out would not be a good thing for his team.

Now that you have the background, Douche-pear, er, Napear, gets on his "Grant's Rants," which is just a poor ripoff of Jim Rome's entire show, and goes on and on about how Marshall is an idiot and dumb. So I sent a text explaining Marshall has a mental illness and this idiot reads it and then says that if its true (and its a FUCKING FACT that anyone who knows about sports knows) then maybe Marshall shouldn't be playing in the NFL.

Whoaa Nellie............because someone has a mental illness they shouldn't be allowed to play professional sports? Let me guess, they shouldn't be lawyers or doctors or construction workers or anything else, right? Is this the 1930s? Should we put people with mental illness in rooms with padded walls?

Lets analyze this for a minute. Is having a mental illness different than being a minority of any other kind? Is it any different than being black, brown, yellow, red or blue? Is it different than being gay? Is it different than being a woman? Do we really think that these things are any different than having a mental illness? Do we think Brandon Marshall or anyone else with a mental illness has chosen to have it? These folks do not wake up one day and say "Gosh, I wish I was bipolar today." Or, "Hmmm......being OCD sounds like a good plan for this week." You are born with mental illness.

We don't limit what other people can do. If Brandon Marshall can play in the NFL with mental illness, then hats off to him. Dude should be a role model. You, too, can have a mental illness and still be at the pinnacle of your profession. There are 32 NFL teams. Each one has 5 receivers, maybe. So this guy is one of the best 150 in the WORLD at what he does. And he does it while fighting something that most of us can never understand. We are going to say he shouldnt do that? We are going to say he is dumb or an idiot? I am not going to.

I don't get it. I really dont. Why does some local, full of crap radio DJ, and he is a DJ, a glorified sit around and talk to yourself DJ, think its okay to call this guy names? I mean, if we are going to think snaps is how we want to deal with this, then I say we start with piece of crap local DJs. For example, Napear is so dumb that he can't figure out how to pronounce his own fucking name. It used to be "Na-pee-ar." Now it is "Na-peer." No, dude, you are so bad, you don't have any peers. Go back to Na-pee-ar. Actually, drop the Na and the ar and you are at the right spot. After all, you say some of the dumbest shit I have heard in my adult life and you get paid for it. I am still trying to figure out why.

You know, I used to look at people with mental illness and shake my head. Then, I became a father to a kid with mental illness. I actually had to grow up and stop pretending I was smarter than everyone else. It hit me - life is hard for some people. My kid says things that don't make sense. He says things that make me cringe sometimes. But he doesnt know better. His brain doesn't work like ours. I get that now. Its not because he is dumb, an idiot or needs someone to tell him what to say. Its because he is himself. I wouldnt trade him for the world. I sure as hell wouldnt trade him for some piece of shit New Yorker who still thinks its the 1950s and doesnt understand modern society - and that New Yorker's fake attitudes disappeared 10 years ago.

We can only hope that one day this loudmouth, no good, glorified DJ will grow up, get some stones, and learn about things before he starts running his horse mouth. Maybe he should grow up and stop being such a whining douche.

Or, as is more likely, he probably will continue his stupid show and make his dumb comments because his bosses don't have the balls to call him out and stand up for those people who can't stand up for themselves. Wusses!

A dragon lives forever

but not so little boys. If you don't understand, go watch this: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Qu_rItLPTXc Even if you do understand, go watch that.

I know. I know. Its a song about drugs. Or so everyone says. Paper is rolling paper for joints. Dragon doesnt mean dragon - it means dragging on a joint. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Save it. I havent believed that in the last 30 years and you arent going to convince me now.

Ironic, isnt it? A song about the loss of innocence and here I stand trying to believe in the song's actual meaning. Maybe if I lose my belief in Puff and its meaning, then I lose something too. I dont know. Maybe, and there is strong evidence to support this, I am a fucking idiot. I am pretty sure you can find half a dozen people who agree with that. Or half a million.

I dont know. I hold these truths to be self evident: people are good; people try; people care; good beats evil; truth prevails over lies; good people make mistakes; people can change; people deserve a second chance, and sometimes a third.

I also know Everlast was right: I've seen a rich man beg/I've seen a good man sin/I've seen a tough man cry/I've seen a loser win/And a sad man grin/I heard an honest man lie/I've seen the good side of bad/And the down side of up/And everything between

Sometimes we think that life can only have heartbreak. It can have pain. It can suck. But I think we forget about Puff. Puff enjoyed life because he frolicked. When is the last time we frolicked? Thankfully, I frolicked last night with my baby. Fine, shes my toddler. She is always going to be my baby.

One day, for each of us, Jackie Paper has to grow up. But not now. At least, I hope not now.