I was going to write something funny. A parody of some dumbass doing some dumbass thing like racing their dumbass POC car up and down the road. Or maybe it was going to be a parody of a mayor who thinks his bleep don't stink. But, alas, someone ticked me off. So here goes.....
Look, not everyone in the world is against you. Not everyone is out to get you. Sometimes, some things just happen. That doesn't mean that people hate you or your (fill in the blank minority issue).
Huh, you ask? I know. That is what I ask. I admit I am not black or brown or yellow or purple. I sit in my office as a white guy who has never been pulled over for DWB. But, I am a short, white, Jewish guy. So, don't tell me I don't know what its like when people make comments or say something dumb or do something dumb. Do you know how many people have said they don't want someone to "Jew them down." So, I have some basis for saying this.
Scheduling an event on Christmas or Easter or Martin Luther King's birthday or Columbus day or fill in the blank day does not mean that people hate Christians or black's or Europeans. You know what it means? It means its 2013 and we should stop worrying so much about this crap.
Yes, I am fully aware that there are events scheduled for Jewish holidays. And you know what? It happens. It doesn't mean anyone has down anything wrong. It means that sometimes in society we have to make choices. Not just me, not just you, but all of us. Look, no one is anti-Jewish for doing things on a Friday night or on Hannukah. They have to look at a schedule and make decisions as to what is best for everyone.
If you don't like it, here are a few suggestions:
1. Get involved. You don't really have a right to complain if you are sitting on your ass just complaining. Get up. Get off the couch. Put down the bon-bons and get involved. Oh wait? You want to go with the "I work" excuse. Sure. Great. I am glad you have a job. So do the other people who are volunteering to put events on, to support your kids, to make sure that fundraisers happen. I don't care that you have a job. I have a job and twice a week I manage to get to the field in time to coach 15 kids, only one of whom is mine!
2. Explain your position without accusing people. Look, you don't like it? Fine. Say something. But don't tell someone they are forcing you to make a decision or forcing your kid to make a decision. I studied economics in college. Economics is the study of decision making. You have to make a decision. What is the most important thing when you have two choices? Maybe you decided that your race/religion/color/creed/sexual orientation is more important. That is your choice and I will defend your right to make that choice. But not everyone is going to agree with you. Some of us are going to choose something different. And that isn't wrong either.
And what do you tell your kid? Look, kid, sometimes in life we have to make decisions. This doesn't mean that Johnny's decision is right or wrong. It means Johnny has to decide what is best for him and he chose X. I am choosing Y. Let me explain to you why. That is how you raise a kid who can think for himself and won't be a follower.
3. Stop assuming the worst in people. The world would be a much better place if everyone would assume the best in each other instead of the worst. Those kids walking down the street? They may not be thugs, George Zimmerman. The kid who yells out in public may not be a brat, but may have a condition that makes that happen. The guy who decides to stop working may be sick or may have a sick family member. Lets start assuming the best in people, instead of the worst!
There, now I feel bad. Maybe next week I will go mock some douchebag who races his douche car down the street!
Friday, August 30, 2013
Thursday, August 1, 2013
We need to teach kids to jump
Sen Ted Lieu is a moron. Wait, that is not right. A moron wouldn't even do what he does. This guy might be the worst legislator ever. Seriously.
He has introduced a new bill to regulate trampoline places. You know, those places you go where your kids jump on a trampoline. They jump, they play games, then they jump some more. Apparently, Lieu took his son to one of these places. And now has decided these places need to be regulated. From the Sacramento Bee "There was no training of any kind...." That's right, folks, there was no training on how to jump on a trampoline.
Stop the presses! You mean kids don't know how to jump. Up. Down. Up. Down. My 3 year old has figured out how to jump on a trampoline. Its a freaking trampoline. Its not rocket science. Its not like we are asking the kids to ride a bike or drive a car. Its jumping. UP AND DOWN! Seriously. Training? What kind of training do you need?
The following conversation will happen if this idiotic, moronic, not worth the paper it is written on law is passed:
Some 18 year old acne covered kid at a trampoline place: "Hey, kids, come over here. Before you jump up and down, I need to train you on how to jump up and down. First, you stand with both of your legs on the trampoline. Then, you bend your knees, and push off the ground with both legs. You will then be in the air. When you are coming down, you will bend your knees again and land on both feet. If you don't land on both feet, you will fall on our fabric. Yes, kids, its fabric. It will feel like a short carpet. Then you will bounce a time or two. Then get on your feet and jump again. Any questions?"
Some 10 year old kid who is bored and checking out the 11 year old girl next to him: "Um, sir, I don't get it. I need to jump. Up? Then land?"
18 year old who is making $8.50 an hour and wants to be out kissing his girlfriend: "Yes, kid, you do."
10 year old trying to be cool in front of his friends: "Holy crap. You just wasted 5 minutes telling me how to jump. I am 10 years old. I needed someone to tell me how to jump? Are you kidding me? Its a trampoline. Who needs training on a trampoline?"
18 year old kid now wanting to yell at the 10 year old, but who knows he will get even during dodge ball: "Well, kid, it is required by law. If you don't like it, talk to your legislator."
Seriously, what the hell is this? Kids need training on how to jump? Really? Is this grandstanding because Lieu wants to run for a new office next year? Or is he serious that kids need training on how to jump? What's next?
I propose the following laws:
1. Kids shall not be allowed to swing on a swingset, be it a private one, one at school, or one at a public park without getting 2 hours of training in swing safety, including how to hold on to the chains, how to sit safely in the swing, proper technique on kicking their legs out and bringing their legs back in;
2. Kids shall not be allowed to slide down any slide, be it a private one, one at school, one at a park, a dry one or a water one, without getting an hour of slide safety, including how to sit on a slide, how to get on the slide and how to get off the slide. If the kid wants to go down a water slide, they must also get 1 hour of safety on how to put on a bathing suit;
3. Kids shall not be allowed to walk down the sidewalk without getting at least 3 hours of training in how to be safe on a sidewalk, proper walking technique so they do not injure their legs, knees, arms, shoulders, backs, butts, or any other body part. Such training shall include the best method to walk like you are an Egyptian;
4. Kids shall not be allowed to play any sport without obtaining at least 10 hours of training from someone who is an expert and has spent at least 10,000 hours learning the sport plus another 10,000 hours learning how to teach the sport as those numbers are the minimum required to obtain proficiency according to some douchebag who thinks its a rule;
5. Kids shall not eat food except under adult supervision when said adult has either procreated to create a kid or has received specialized training from the Department of Education on how to teach kids to eat food, chew their food properly and swallow (not that kind of swallowing, get your heads out of the gutter!).
I am sure I can come up with more. Heck, I am sure Ted Lieu has already come up with more stupid ideas on things we can regulate. How about if we regulate breathing? How about if you introduce a dumb law in the legislature you don't get paid for a year? This might be the worst bill ever introduced and its an embarrassment to the entire state!
He has introduced a new bill to regulate trampoline places. You know, those places you go where your kids jump on a trampoline. They jump, they play games, then they jump some more. Apparently, Lieu took his son to one of these places. And now has decided these places need to be regulated. From the Sacramento Bee "There was no training of any kind...." That's right, folks, there was no training on how to jump on a trampoline.
Stop the presses! You mean kids don't know how to jump. Up. Down. Up. Down. My 3 year old has figured out how to jump on a trampoline. Its a freaking trampoline. Its not rocket science. Its not like we are asking the kids to ride a bike or drive a car. Its jumping. UP AND DOWN! Seriously. Training? What kind of training do you need?
The following conversation will happen if this idiotic, moronic, not worth the paper it is written on law is passed:
Some 18 year old acne covered kid at a trampoline place: "Hey, kids, come over here. Before you jump up and down, I need to train you on how to jump up and down. First, you stand with both of your legs on the trampoline. Then, you bend your knees, and push off the ground with both legs. You will then be in the air. When you are coming down, you will bend your knees again and land on both feet. If you don't land on both feet, you will fall on our fabric. Yes, kids, its fabric. It will feel like a short carpet. Then you will bounce a time or two. Then get on your feet and jump again. Any questions?"
Some 10 year old kid who is bored and checking out the 11 year old girl next to him: "Um, sir, I don't get it. I need to jump. Up? Then land?"
18 year old who is making $8.50 an hour and wants to be out kissing his girlfriend: "Yes, kid, you do."
10 year old trying to be cool in front of his friends: "Holy crap. You just wasted 5 minutes telling me how to jump. I am 10 years old. I needed someone to tell me how to jump? Are you kidding me? Its a trampoline. Who needs training on a trampoline?"
18 year old kid now wanting to yell at the 10 year old, but who knows he will get even during dodge ball: "Well, kid, it is required by law. If you don't like it, talk to your legislator."
Seriously, what the hell is this? Kids need training on how to jump? Really? Is this grandstanding because Lieu wants to run for a new office next year? Or is he serious that kids need training on how to jump? What's next?
I propose the following laws:
1. Kids shall not be allowed to swing on a swingset, be it a private one, one at school, or one at a public park without getting 2 hours of training in swing safety, including how to hold on to the chains, how to sit safely in the swing, proper technique on kicking their legs out and bringing their legs back in;
2. Kids shall not be allowed to slide down any slide, be it a private one, one at school, one at a park, a dry one or a water one, without getting an hour of slide safety, including how to sit on a slide, how to get on the slide and how to get off the slide. If the kid wants to go down a water slide, they must also get 1 hour of safety on how to put on a bathing suit;
3. Kids shall not be allowed to walk down the sidewalk without getting at least 3 hours of training in how to be safe on a sidewalk, proper walking technique so they do not injure their legs, knees, arms, shoulders, backs, butts, or any other body part. Such training shall include the best method to walk like you are an Egyptian;
4. Kids shall not be allowed to play any sport without obtaining at least 10 hours of training from someone who is an expert and has spent at least 10,000 hours learning the sport plus another 10,000 hours learning how to teach the sport as those numbers are the minimum required to obtain proficiency according to some douchebag who thinks its a rule;
5. Kids shall not eat food except under adult supervision when said adult has either procreated to create a kid or has received specialized training from the Department of Education on how to teach kids to eat food, chew their food properly and swallow (not that kind of swallowing, get your heads out of the gutter!).
I am sure I can come up with more. Heck, I am sure Ted Lieu has already come up with more stupid ideas on things we can regulate. How about if we regulate breathing? How about if you introduce a dumb law in the legislature you don't get paid for a year? This might be the worst bill ever introduced and its an embarrassment to the entire state!
"There was no training of any kindTheee
"There was no training of any kind
"There was no training of any kind
"There was no training of any kind
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