This is a special post for those of you who are either followers or have randomly found this. I am not posting this one anywhere.
I wrote last week about the shooting in Connecticut: http://randomrants08.blogspot.com/2012/12/it-could-have-been-me.html If you don't want to read it, the message is simple: there but for the grace of God, I could be Adam Lanza's family. But that is not the whole story.
I see people talk about mental illness as if it does not affect them. They say these folks are monsters or mean or bad. They talk about them as if they don't know mental illness. They may not want to, but if you are reading this, you know it..........you know me.
About 10 years ago, a guy in our regular Sunday Soccer game died. He was in his early 20s and he committed suicide. I don't know the details. Its none of my business and I don't want to know. I know he was a good guy who I liked and who may have had the most natural soccer skill I have seen in almost 40 years. He seemed to be happy. Clearly, he had other issues that we did not know about. I am sure, knowing this group, that had any one of us known, we would have stepped in to do something.
I have thought about that kid often, especially when I was at my low. You see, I have depression. That's right, my name is Jon and I suffer from depression. Sure, its not horrible - usually. But it has been bad, bad enough that I have thought about it. I have been lying in bed thinking about what life would be like without me. I have thought about what it would be like if I were dead. And I have contemplated it. I admit it.
I am not there now, but I have been there. I understand. I know not everyone can understand. I just wish people would take a minute to stop before they condemn those of us who have been there. We aren't bad people. I promise.
Tuesday, December 25, 2012
Thursday, December 20, 2012
It could have been me
I have been reading about the shooting in Connecticut. Let me start by saying that this is a horrible thing and I feel so badly for everyone. Read that again: I feel badly for everyone. There are 26 families whose lives have been ruined. No, make that 27.
Adam Lanza did a terrible thing. He killed 26 people. 20 of those were kids, the most innocent. No one can explain this as anything other than terrible.........but let us not forget his family.
There but for the grace of God go I. And in this case, I can see myself as one of the parents of the victims. I have 4 kids, all of whom are school age. Well, my youngest is in pre-school. But that is still school, right? Its not far fetched to believe that what happened in Connecticut could happen in California or Texas or anywhere else.
But, unlike most people, I can see myself as Adam Lanza's dad. I have a son with significant mental health issues. I can't even go into how significant they are, but suffice it to say, I don't think the doctors have a handle on how bad it is. How do you explain an IQ that has fallen 40% in 5 years? How do you explain outbursts of violence? I am sure there is an explanation, but what is it? I don't know and I don't know that anyone else does either. In fact, I am convinced of it.
For now, we have him in a place where he is relatively safe. And everyone else is too. But for how long? I don't expect anyone else to understand. After all, you haven't walked a mile in our shoes, and I don't think you would want to walk 528 feet in my shoes. It is beyond no fun. It is simply going from one problem to the next.
What happens when we continue to cut mental health services? What happens when he turns 18? 19? We can only do so much to keep him in a safe place. I am not sure how long such an existence can last.
But what happens if he turns 18 and the state says he has to leave? Where does he go? Does he come home to a place where we cannot keep him safe when he will be significantly bigger than all of us? Heck, at 13 he is almost as tall as me and almost as heavy. And he is strong as an ox.
Does he wander the streets? Does society just say "Sorry, we don't have a place for you, so good luck?" What happens to these people?
I don't keep guns in my house, but I understand why some do. I also know that this could happen without owning a gun. People with mental health issues don't just use what is in their home. They can be very smart and creative when it comes to getting what they want, or think they want.
I don't excuse what Adam Lanza did. But, I also know that he was not a monster or an animal or whatever words people have used. He had some significant mental health issues. And before we all jump up and down yelling for gun control or we start blaming the parents, lets take a good long look in the mirror and figure out where society has failed those people who have such significant mental health problems that, for them, life seems like a constant nightmare.
Adam Lanza did a terrible thing, but is not a terrible person. Sadly, I could see myself in his dad's position one day if we continue down a path where we fail to have a comprehensive plan in place to provide mental health services.
Adam Lanza did a terrible thing. He killed 26 people. 20 of those were kids, the most innocent. No one can explain this as anything other than terrible.........but let us not forget his family.
There but for the grace of God go I. And in this case, I can see myself as one of the parents of the victims. I have 4 kids, all of whom are school age. Well, my youngest is in pre-school. But that is still school, right? Its not far fetched to believe that what happened in Connecticut could happen in California or Texas or anywhere else.
But, unlike most people, I can see myself as Adam Lanza's dad. I have a son with significant mental health issues. I can't even go into how significant they are, but suffice it to say, I don't think the doctors have a handle on how bad it is. How do you explain an IQ that has fallen 40% in 5 years? How do you explain outbursts of violence? I am sure there is an explanation, but what is it? I don't know and I don't know that anyone else does either. In fact, I am convinced of it.
For now, we have him in a place where he is relatively safe. And everyone else is too. But for how long? I don't expect anyone else to understand. After all, you haven't walked a mile in our shoes, and I don't think you would want to walk 528 feet in my shoes. It is beyond no fun. It is simply going from one problem to the next.
What happens when we continue to cut mental health services? What happens when he turns 18? 19? We can only do so much to keep him in a safe place. I am not sure how long such an existence can last.
But what happens if he turns 18 and the state says he has to leave? Where does he go? Does he come home to a place where we cannot keep him safe when he will be significantly bigger than all of us? Heck, at 13 he is almost as tall as me and almost as heavy. And he is strong as an ox.
Does he wander the streets? Does society just say "Sorry, we don't have a place for you, so good luck?" What happens to these people?
I don't keep guns in my house, but I understand why some do. I also know that this could happen without owning a gun. People with mental health issues don't just use what is in their home. They can be very smart and creative when it comes to getting what they want, or think they want.
I don't excuse what Adam Lanza did. But, I also know that he was not a monster or an animal or whatever words people have used. He had some significant mental health issues. And before we all jump up and down yelling for gun control or we start blaming the parents, lets take a good long look in the mirror and figure out where society has failed those people who have such significant mental health problems that, for them, life seems like a constant nightmare.
Adam Lanza did a terrible thing, but is not a terrible person. Sadly, I could see myself in his dad's position one day if we continue down a path where we fail to have a comprehensive plan in place to provide mental health services.
Tuesday, December 18, 2012
No More Tears
Its a great concept. It doesn't work in reality. (Okay, so it does, but that is only in my world. I still say No More Tears shampoo doesn't make you cry, but more and more people seem to disagree with me. Maybe its nostalgia on my part?)
Today, we went to the cemetery. Cemeteries are interesting places. First, I stopped to see my grandparents. My grandmother passed away in 1992. She was in her early 80s. My grandfather lived to almost 94. He passed away two months after my dad did. I had no idea he lived to be that old. I mean, I knew he lived until 2002, but I didn't realize he was that old when he passed away. I stood with my boys for a minute and Miles rubbed my back. He is a good kid. I told them a bit about my grandfather, but none of the good stories yet. They are probably too young to hear mafia stories or about my grandfather eating horse. Maybe they are old enough to hear about his boxing days, but I wasn't in the mood for that.
Then we went to visit my parents and my sister. My sister passed away 5 years ago. I guess I forgot when that was. It sounds weird, but for my family, it is normal. I miss her, but not in the usual way. I think if she was still here things may be different with my brother. But, probably not. Interestingly, she was 39 when she died - my age now. So young..........
Then I went to visit my parents. I have been to my dad's a few times. My mom is buried next to him. This was my first time back in 18 months. My brother apparently had an unveiling, or at least he put a gravestone up. It was different. I wasn't invited and I didn't really expect to be. But it would have been nice.
My boys were sad. They both said they wish they could have gotten to know my parents. It just wasn't in the cards, although I am sure my dad would see a lot of himself in Miles. I think my parents would see a lot of me in Kyle and that would have caused some frustration for them. Sad, but true.
There were tears today. I cried. My boys both had a few tears. But we left the cemetery and went to have lunch at a place my parents liked. Then we went to the beach, where I learned to boogie board 25 years ago. It brought back a lot of memories. I know I cannot go back in the past. I just need to move forward, remembering it, cherishing the memories, passing on the traditions and the story, all in time.
For now, its no more tears...................
Today, we went to the cemetery. Cemeteries are interesting places. First, I stopped to see my grandparents. My grandmother passed away in 1992. She was in her early 80s. My grandfather lived to almost 94. He passed away two months after my dad did. I had no idea he lived to be that old. I mean, I knew he lived until 2002, but I didn't realize he was that old when he passed away. I stood with my boys for a minute and Miles rubbed my back. He is a good kid. I told them a bit about my grandfather, but none of the good stories yet. They are probably too young to hear mafia stories or about my grandfather eating horse. Maybe they are old enough to hear about his boxing days, but I wasn't in the mood for that.
Then we went to visit my parents and my sister. My sister passed away 5 years ago. I guess I forgot when that was. It sounds weird, but for my family, it is normal. I miss her, but not in the usual way. I think if she was still here things may be different with my brother. But, probably not. Interestingly, she was 39 when she died - my age now. So young..........
Then I went to visit my parents. I have been to my dad's a few times. My mom is buried next to him. This was my first time back in 18 months. My brother apparently had an unveiling, or at least he put a gravestone up. It was different. I wasn't invited and I didn't really expect to be. But it would have been nice.
My boys were sad. They both said they wish they could have gotten to know my parents. It just wasn't in the cards, although I am sure my dad would see a lot of himself in Miles. I think my parents would see a lot of me in Kyle and that would have caused some frustration for them. Sad, but true.
There were tears today. I cried. My boys both had a few tears. But we left the cemetery and went to have lunch at a place my parents liked. Then we went to the beach, where I learned to boogie board 25 years ago. It brought back a lot of memories. I know I cannot go back in the past. I just need to move forward, remembering it, cherishing the memories, passing on the traditions and the story, all in time.
For now, its no more tears...................
Friday, December 14, 2012
Today's tragedy and what we should learn
I have tried to stay out of the tragedy that happened today in Connecticut. I don't know those kids. I don't know the adults. I don't know anyone. At least, I don't think I know anyone and I can only hope and pray that I don't know them personally. I also pray for their friends and families. But...........and you knew there was a but........... (By the way, if you are sensitive, don't read it.)
What I see on social media is not the America I know. In the America I know, we stand up and help each other in time of need. We stand, arm in arm, showing the world that America is still the greatest country on God's planet. Today, not so much.
What do I know about today? Not much. I know that this was a horrible tragedy. I know way too many people lost their lives. I know moms and dads are going to go the rest of their lives having lost their children, something that should never happen and I can't even pretend to begin to understand that pain.
So what do I know? I know that this is not a liberal versus conservative thing. The liberals want to talk about how if there was gun control this kid would not have gotten a gun. The conservatives want to talk about how if we had fewer gun restrictions maybe someone else would have had a gun and stopped it from happening. Do you know what I think about maybe? Maybe if my aunt had a penis she would be my uncle.
I know this is not a "bad person." This was a bad act. Was the kid bad? I just don't think so. Look, normal people don't do this. Even murderers dont do this. Ask guys in jail and people who hurt kids are different than they are. Clearly there was some other issue with this kid. Its a horrible event. But lets stop the nonsense of blaming his parents or saying he is an evil person. He had issues, that is clear.
I know this is not a sign that we are in trouble in our country. This happens everywhere. Maybe not this event, but every country in the world has its issues. Some countries just do a better job of hiding it - or maybe of providing help to those who need it most.
I know that if you are even thinking about unfriending someone on Facebook as a result of something they have posted, go ahead and unfriend me. I don't want friends who are so closed minded that they cannot see another point of view.
We had dinner tonight with some friends. I was talking to the husband. He and I probably could not have had more different upbringings. I grew up in New Jersey, in an upper middle class neighborhood where dads worked, moms stayed home and everyone had 2 cars, if not 3. I was the son of a PhD and a businessman. I didn't realize it then, but I had every possible advantage to succeed. He was born in another country, came to the US, grew up in a lower socio-economic class, and had to bust his tail for what he has. I am Jewish. He is Christian. I don't think I have a friend from a more different background.
But, tonight, we sat, we talked, we drank root beers and ate latkes. We lit candles. We enjoyed each other's company. We talked about religion and God. We talked about football and soccer. We talked about tragedy. And, we both came to realize that we aren't so different. Sure, I am a state school guy and he is a UC guy. But, we are both husbands and fathers who believe in some higher being. We believe in taking care of our families, in working hard, in playing hard, and in enjoying life.
Tonight, while some on social media were spewing nonsense and hate towards each other, we were talking about our commonalities, sharing our differences and, at least for me, as Fat Albert would say, learning a thing or two, if we aren't careful.
We can all agree this was a tragedy. We can all feel sorry for the parents and kids. We can hug our kids tonight and sleep knowing, despite this tragedy, we still live in the greatest country. What we need to stop is the hatemongering, the fearmongering and the idiocy that is going on.
Goodnight and God Bless.
What I see on social media is not the America I know. In the America I know, we stand up and help each other in time of need. We stand, arm in arm, showing the world that America is still the greatest country on God's planet. Today, not so much.
What do I know about today? Not much. I know that this was a horrible tragedy. I know way too many people lost their lives. I know moms and dads are going to go the rest of their lives having lost their children, something that should never happen and I can't even pretend to begin to understand that pain.
So what do I know? I know that this is not a liberal versus conservative thing. The liberals want to talk about how if there was gun control this kid would not have gotten a gun. The conservatives want to talk about how if we had fewer gun restrictions maybe someone else would have had a gun and stopped it from happening. Do you know what I think about maybe? Maybe if my aunt had a penis she would be my uncle.
I know this is not a "bad person." This was a bad act. Was the kid bad? I just don't think so. Look, normal people don't do this. Even murderers dont do this. Ask guys in jail and people who hurt kids are different than they are. Clearly there was some other issue with this kid. Its a horrible event. But lets stop the nonsense of blaming his parents or saying he is an evil person. He had issues, that is clear.
I know this is not a sign that we are in trouble in our country. This happens everywhere. Maybe not this event, but every country in the world has its issues. Some countries just do a better job of hiding it - or maybe of providing help to those who need it most.
I know that if you are even thinking about unfriending someone on Facebook as a result of something they have posted, go ahead and unfriend me. I don't want friends who are so closed minded that they cannot see another point of view.
We had dinner tonight with some friends. I was talking to the husband. He and I probably could not have had more different upbringings. I grew up in New Jersey, in an upper middle class neighborhood where dads worked, moms stayed home and everyone had 2 cars, if not 3. I was the son of a PhD and a businessman. I didn't realize it then, but I had every possible advantage to succeed. He was born in another country, came to the US, grew up in a lower socio-economic class, and had to bust his tail for what he has. I am Jewish. He is Christian. I don't think I have a friend from a more different background.
But, tonight, we sat, we talked, we drank root beers and ate latkes. We lit candles. We enjoyed each other's company. We talked about religion and God. We talked about football and soccer. We talked about tragedy. And, we both came to realize that we aren't so different. Sure, I am a state school guy and he is a UC guy. But, we are both husbands and fathers who believe in some higher being. We believe in taking care of our families, in working hard, in playing hard, and in enjoying life.
Tonight, while some on social media were spewing nonsense and hate towards each other, we were talking about our commonalities, sharing our differences and, at least for me, as Fat Albert would say, learning a thing or two, if we aren't careful.
We can all agree this was a tragedy. We can all feel sorry for the parents and kids. We can hug our kids tonight and sleep knowing, despite this tragedy, we still live in the greatest country. What we need to stop is the hatemongering, the fearmongering and the idiocy that is going on.
Goodnight and God Bless.
Wednesday, December 12, 2012
We celebrate more than Christmas
Dear Steve Detrick:
We celebrate more than Christmas in this country. In fact, we celebrate a lot of holidays. There is Hannukah, Kwanzaa, Festivus, and my favorite, IOB.
What, you haven't heard of these holidays? I know. Let me start with my favorite. IOB - Ignorance of Other Beliefs. Yes, that is when you live in such a small, narrow world that you believe everyone must think like you. Signs of this include assuming everyone is like you, working for a bank or an insurance company, or being a douchebag.
Festivus started out on Seinfeld but some people celebrate it now. They celebrate it primarily to mock how commercialized Christmas has become. There are feats of strength. My feat of strength: I put up with folks like you who seem to think Christmas is the only holiday.
Hannukah is the festival of lights. Instead of one day of presents, we have 8 crazy nights, with apologies to Adam Sandler. Its celebrated by those of us who are called Jews. We don't just celebrate your holiday. We celebrate our own holidays. You should try looking this up.
Sincerely,
Me
PS Why did this come about? Oh yeah, on the 2nd day of Hannukah, I got a letter wishing me a Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year. You want to send out a mass email? Fine. But what happened to Happy Holidays? Is that too hard to do? I will NEVER vote for you again since you clearly believe the entire world thinks like you. You celebrate IOB and I don't. I believe in diversity and think it makes our town, our state, our country and our world a pretty interesting place. You should try it sometime.
We celebrate more than Christmas in this country. In fact, we celebrate a lot of holidays. There is Hannukah, Kwanzaa, Festivus, and my favorite, IOB.
What, you haven't heard of these holidays? I know. Let me start with my favorite. IOB - Ignorance of Other Beliefs. Yes, that is when you live in such a small, narrow world that you believe everyone must think like you. Signs of this include assuming everyone is like you, working for a bank or an insurance company, or being a douchebag.
Festivus started out on Seinfeld but some people celebrate it now. They celebrate it primarily to mock how commercialized Christmas has become. There are feats of strength. My feat of strength: I put up with folks like you who seem to think Christmas is the only holiday.
Hannukah is the festival of lights. Instead of one day of presents, we have 8 crazy nights, with apologies to Adam Sandler. Its celebrated by those of us who are called Jews. We don't just celebrate your holiday. We celebrate our own holidays. You should try looking this up.
Sincerely,
Me
PS Why did this come about? Oh yeah, on the 2nd day of Hannukah, I got a letter wishing me a Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year. You want to send out a mass email? Fine. But what happened to Happy Holidays? Is that too hard to do? I will NEVER vote for you again since you clearly believe the entire world thinks like you. You celebrate IOB and I don't. I believe in diversity and think it makes our town, our state, our country and our world a pretty interesting place. You should try it sometime.
Monday, December 10, 2012
More WTF
Warning: I am in a bad mood. And that means I am about to rip on someone or many someones. If you are easily offended, don't read this. If you think I am about to rip on you, you are probably right and you probably shouldn't read this. And if you think I care that your feelings may be hurt, then don't read this - or don't comment when you do. In fact, don't comment at all. I don't really care.
I have 464 friends on Facebook. I have 750 followers on Twitter. I was not a math major in college but that is 1,214 fucking people who either think they are friends of mine or think I have some bullshit to say that is interesting enough that they read my 140 character crap. 1,214 people. Keep that number in mind.
I started a page on Facebook called the 31 days of giving. Let me explain: during November, or Yesvember, as we call it around here with friends of ours, these morons on Facebook post something that they are thankful for every day of the month. Day 1: I am thankful for our freedom. Great. They don't actually thank the servicemembers who keep us free (thanks Joe and your colleagues), they just thank freedom, as if freedom cares. By day 20, I see crap like this: Day 20: I am thankful for coffee. Seriously? You are thankful for a fucking cup of coffee? Really? What the hell has coffee done for you to make your life a bit better? Nothing. Is it the caffeine that you are thankful for? Is it the flavor? Is it your mocha syrup? Thank fucking Starbucks, but don't tell me you are thankful for coffee. Thats garbage.
Anyway, I got tired of reading what all of these people are thankful for. No one actually does anything about it. They just post what they are thankful for. By the way, if you want a list of what I am thankful for, you can get one: wife, kids, good friends, clients who appreciate me, my parents who taught me to bust my hairy white ass to support my family, my grandparents who taught me that its not what you have in life, but that you have life, my doctor, the servicemembers who are actually keeping me free, the cops who keep us safe, the firefighters who run into burning buildings when the rest of us run out. And that is in about 10 seconds without even thinking about it.
So, what good is being thankful if you don't back it up. Its one thing to say you are thankful. Its something different to show you are thankful. I think its shit. It doesnt matter what you say. Whats the old expression: your actions speak louder than your words. So put up or shut up, right? I put up. I started this group. Every fucking day I go out and do something to give to someone else. Then I post about it. Its nothing major. And its something I try to do when I can anyway. I volunteer at my kid's school. I help the elderly. I will buy a cup of coffee for someone when I can. I do the Untied Way (google it and spell it properly, its not the United Way, its the Untied Way) every year.
But I was trying to make a difference. If I do 31 things this month to make the world a better place, I have helped 31 people. If 1,214 do 31 things this month, its 37,634 people who have been helped. Yes, that is 1,214 times more people than if I do it by myself. I get the math. But what if each of those people who were helped, did just one thing this month to help someone else? Then, I would be able to help 62 people by myself, but together over 75,000 people would be helped. Now, imagine that the 1,214 people, as one of their acts, write about this program. And then they get 1,214 people to join. That is 2,428 people. Then we help that same 75,000 people. But, we then can reach 150,000 people because every one of those 75,000 people has helped someone else.
Do you know why pyramid schemes fail? Its the fucking math. Look, I start a scam and get 10 people to join. They each get 10 people to join. We are now at 100 people. They get 10 people and we are at 1,000 people. They get 10 people who get 10 more people and we are at 100,000. They each get 10 people who get 10 more people and we are at 10,000,000. 7 levels in and you are at the size of New York freaking City. 8 levels and you are at 100,000,000 people. 9 levels and you are at India's population. It is not sustainable. There is no one to sell your crap to because everyone is in your group. Make sense?
Well, think if you did it the opposite way? Think of what a difference 1,214 people can make. Lets be more realistic. Half those people don't like me. So I have 600 people. Those 600 people each have 10 people willing to do this. Those 6,000 people then get 10 more each. Now I am at 60,000 people. I am at 1,860,000 good deeds done during December. That is not a typo. Do the fucking math. Over 1,000,000 good deeds in a month if just half of the people who know me did something. How much better of a world would this be?
But do you know what happens? 29 people join. 29 people, most of whom I assume like me, join in. Yay 29 people. I'm sorry. You can post about how fucking thankful you are for coffee or your piece of crap DJs in the morning, but you cannot join a group and do one nice thing for someone else each day? In the amount of time you spent in November wowing us with your thankfulness, you could actually do something to help someone. To help 31 someones. Is it really that hard?
So, 1,185 of these people have absolutely no interest in my idea. Fine. Some of these people don't want the world to be a better place. Some of them are just assholes. Some of them don't care. Some of them, probably a lot of them, think I am an asshole. I am fine with that.
But please understand the next time you need something and suddenly my phone doesn't get answered, your emails don't get returned or your text messages are responded to with silence. You don't have to like this. You don't have to get involved. And I don't have to help you. Maybe quid pro quo isn't the right way to go. Maybe many of you, all of you even, are going to be offended by this. Fine. Be offended. I don't really care anymore.
I listened to fun the other night. Some nights came on the radio. Go to Youtube if you don't know what I am talking about. The lyrics:
But I still wake up, I still see your ghost
Oh Lord, I'm still not sure, what I stand for oh oh oh
What do I stand for? Oh what do I stand for?
Most nights, I don't know anymore
I have 464 friends on Facebook. I have 750 followers on Twitter. I was not a math major in college but that is 1,214 fucking people who either think they are friends of mine or think I have some bullshit to say that is interesting enough that they read my 140 character crap. 1,214 people. Keep that number in mind.
I started a page on Facebook called the 31 days of giving. Let me explain: during November, or Yesvember, as we call it around here with friends of ours, these morons on Facebook post something that they are thankful for every day of the month. Day 1: I am thankful for our freedom. Great. They don't actually thank the servicemembers who keep us free (thanks Joe and your colleagues), they just thank freedom, as if freedom cares. By day 20, I see crap like this: Day 20: I am thankful for coffee. Seriously? You are thankful for a fucking cup of coffee? Really? What the hell has coffee done for you to make your life a bit better? Nothing. Is it the caffeine that you are thankful for? Is it the flavor? Is it your mocha syrup? Thank fucking Starbucks, but don't tell me you are thankful for coffee. Thats garbage.
Anyway, I got tired of reading what all of these people are thankful for. No one actually does anything about it. They just post what they are thankful for. By the way, if you want a list of what I am thankful for, you can get one: wife, kids, good friends, clients who appreciate me, my parents who taught me to bust my hairy white ass to support my family, my grandparents who taught me that its not what you have in life, but that you have life, my doctor, the servicemembers who are actually keeping me free, the cops who keep us safe, the firefighters who run into burning buildings when the rest of us run out. And that is in about 10 seconds without even thinking about it.
So, what good is being thankful if you don't back it up. Its one thing to say you are thankful. Its something different to show you are thankful. I think its shit. It doesnt matter what you say. Whats the old expression: your actions speak louder than your words. So put up or shut up, right? I put up. I started this group. Every fucking day I go out and do something to give to someone else. Then I post about it. Its nothing major. And its something I try to do when I can anyway. I volunteer at my kid's school. I help the elderly. I will buy a cup of coffee for someone when I can. I do the Untied Way (google it and spell it properly, its not the United Way, its the Untied Way) every year.
But I was trying to make a difference. If I do 31 things this month to make the world a better place, I have helped 31 people. If 1,214 do 31 things this month, its 37,634 people who have been helped. Yes, that is 1,214 times more people than if I do it by myself. I get the math. But what if each of those people who were helped, did just one thing this month to help someone else? Then, I would be able to help 62 people by myself, but together over 75,000 people would be helped. Now, imagine that the 1,214 people, as one of their acts, write about this program. And then they get 1,214 people to join. That is 2,428 people. Then we help that same 75,000 people. But, we then can reach 150,000 people because every one of those 75,000 people has helped someone else.
Do you know why pyramid schemes fail? Its the fucking math. Look, I start a scam and get 10 people to join. They each get 10 people to join. We are now at 100 people. They get 10 people and we are at 1,000 people. They get 10 people who get 10 more people and we are at 100,000. They each get 10 people who get 10 more people and we are at 10,000,000. 7 levels in and you are at the size of New York freaking City. 8 levels and you are at 100,000,000 people. 9 levels and you are at India's population. It is not sustainable. There is no one to sell your crap to because everyone is in your group. Make sense?
Well, think if you did it the opposite way? Think of what a difference 1,214 people can make. Lets be more realistic. Half those people don't like me. So I have 600 people. Those 600 people each have 10 people willing to do this. Those 6,000 people then get 10 more each. Now I am at 60,000 people. I am at 1,860,000 good deeds done during December. That is not a typo. Do the fucking math. Over 1,000,000 good deeds in a month if just half of the people who know me did something. How much better of a world would this be?
But do you know what happens? 29 people join. 29 people, most of whom I assume like me, join in. Yay 29 people. I'm sorry. You can post about how fucking thankful you are for coffee or your piece of crap DJs in the morning, but you cannot join a group and do one nice thing for someone else each day? In the amount of time you spent in November wowing us with your thankfulness, you could actually do something to help someone. To help 31 someones. Is it really that hard?
So, 1,185 of these people have absolutely no interest in my idea. Fine. Some of these people don't want the world to be a better place. Some of them are just assholes. Some of them don't care. Some of them, probably a lot of them, think I am an asshole. I am fine with that.
But please understand the next time you need something and suddenly my phone doesn't get answered, your emails don't get returned or your text messages are responded to with silence. You don't have to like this. You don't have to get involved. And I don't have to help you. Maybe quid pro quo isn't the right way to go. Maybe many of you, all of you even, are going to be offended by this. Fine. Be offended. I don't really care anymore.
I listened to fun the other night. Some nights came on the radio. Go to Youtube if you don't know what I am talking about. The lyrics:
But I still wake up, I still see your ghost
Oh Lord, I'm still not sure, what I stand for oh oh oh
What do I stand for? Oh what do I stand for?
Most nights, I don't know anymore
Thursday, December 6, 2012
Politicians
An open letter to politicians - profanity included:
Dear Politicians:
Fuck you. You are weasels. No, that gives weasels a bad name. You are worse than weasels. At least weasels admit to being weasels. You actually think you are doing some good in the world. Stop the lies.
Look, politicians are simple: they will say or do what they think will get them elected. Then, once elected, they will say or do what they think will keep them in office. Does anyone actually think differently?
Case in point: Californians passed Proposition 30 that raised taxes so we wouldn't need more cuts to services. Guess what? They are going to cut another $200 million from the courts. Huh? How does that work? So we voted to raise taxes because the politicians said we needed to raise taxes or cut services. Now, they cut services anyway. Jerry Brown is, quite simply, a liar. Liar, liar pants on fucking fire.
Lets think this through a bit. Politicians actually refuse to make marijuana illegal. Yet, we all know people who smoke, regularly. Hell, go to any law school, where most politicians come from. Pot usage is like breathing for most students. No one wants to admit it, but its true.
They fight over gay marriage. Seriously? We can't have two men or two men get married? Why? Who does it hurt? Seriously. If they can live together, have sex, support each other, then why the fuck shouldn't they get married? It is no skin off my back if they want to get married and join those of us who can marry. I mean, really, what is the problem? Its simple: if they support gay marriage, they are afraid they will lose votes. So they do the coward thing instead of the right thing.
The list goes on and on. Politicians try to make abortions as difficult as possible. Look, I love kids. I have adopted 3. I totally understand that if their birth mother had made a different choice, I would not have three amazing boys. But, I also understand I have a penis. I don't grow a person in my body. If someone thinks its the right choice for them, I am not going to stand in their way. I may not agree with it, but I am not going to back away from letting someone else make a decision that they think is right for them.
By the way, don't think these are just liberal views. What is this nonsense with putting so many limits on guns that normal people can barely buy one? I am not sure I could even pass a background check for one these days. I have made a decision not to own a gun. I don't think I need one in my house. Besides, you should see my right. I knocked a guy OUT of a building once. Really. But, I am not going to sit here and tell you that you cannot own a gun. If you think its necessary to protect your family, and you can be responsible, then you should have that right.
Oh, and unions are getting out of control. Lawyers have a union. Did you know that? State lawyers are in a union. What the hell? Since when do lawyers need better working conditions? If you think you do, try getting a real job. And now fast food workers in NYC want to make $15 per hour. Um, that is all union driven. If some guy making my Big Mac is making $15, I can no longer afford that Big Mac. Just ask Hostess how well unions work. There is a time and a place, but this is out of freaking control.
The problem is that politicians want to conform to whatever party they belong to so that they can have a base of voters. Then they take no position on the rest of the issues. Be a man. (Or a woman.) Take a position. And don't avoid it because you don't want to be out of a job. You can find another one. Most of those of us voting for you have had to find real jobs. You can do it too, once you stop pandering to whoever has the bigger check for you - or whoever provides better oral service.
I am so tired of you folks. You give when you can benefit. Then, when you no longer see benefit, you give people the big fat finger. Well, here is my finger to you. FUCK OFF! Man up. Do the right thing.
Dear Politicians:
Fuck you. You are weasels. No, that gives weasels a bad name. You are worse than weasels. At least weasels admit to being weasels. You actually think you are doing some good in the world. Stop the lies.
Look, politicians are simple: they will say or do what they think will get them elected. Then, once elected, they will say or do what they think will keep them in office. Does anyone actually think differently?
Case in point: Californians passed Proposition 30 that raised taxes so we wouldn't need more cuts to services. Guess what? They are going to cut another $200 million from the courts. Huh? How does that work? So we voted to raise taxes because the politicians said we needed to raise taxes or cut services. Now, they cut services anyway. Jerry Brown is, quite simply, a liar. Liar, liar pants on fucking fire.
Lets think this through a bit. Politicians actually refuse to make marijuana illegal. Yet, we all know people who smoke, regularly. Hell, go to any law school, where most politicians come from. Pot usage is like breathing for most students. No one wants to admit it, but its true.
They fight over gay marriage. Seriously? We can't have two men or two men get married? Why? Who does it hurt? Seriously. If they can live together, have sex, support each other, then why the fuck shouldn't they get married? It is no skin off my back if they want to get married and join those of us who can marry. I mean, really, what is the problem? Its simple: if they support gay marriage, they are afraid they will lose votes. So they do the coward thing instead of the right thing.
The list goes on and on. Politicians try to make abortions as difficult as possible. Look, I love kids. I have adopted 3. I totally understand that if their birth mother had made a different choice, I would not have three amazing boys. But, I also understand I have a penis. I don't grow a person in my body. If someone thinks its the right choice for them, I am not going to stand in their way. I may not agree with it, but I am not going to back away from letting someone else make a decision that they think is right for them.
By the way, don't think these are just liberal views. What is this nonsense with putting so many limits on guns that normal people can barely buy one? I am not sure I could even pass a background check for one these days. I have made a decision not to own a gun. I don't think I need one in my house. Besides, you should see my right. I knocked a guy OUT of a building once. Really. But, I am not going to sit here and tell you that you cannot own a gun. If you think its necessary to protect your family, and you can be responsible, then you should have that right.
Oh, and unions are getting out of control. Lawyers have a union. Did you know that? State lawyers are in a union. What the hell? Since when do lawyers need better working conditions? If you think you do, try getting a real job. And now fast food workers in NYC want to make $15 per hour. Um, that is all union driven. If some guy making my Big Mac is making $15, I can no longer afford that Big Mac. Just ask Hostess how well unions work. There is a time and a place, but this is out of freaking control.
The problem is that politicians want to conform to whatever party they belong to so that they can have a base of voters. Then they take no position on the rest of the issues. Be a man. (Or a woman.) Take a position. And don't avoid it because you don't want to be out of a job. You can find another one. Most of those of us voting for you have had to find real jobs. You can do it too, once you stop pandering to whoever has the bigger check for you - or whoever provides better oral service.
I am so tired of you folks. You give when you can benefit. Then, when you no longer see benefit, you give people the big fat finger. Well, here is my finger to you. FUCK OFF! Man up. Do the right thing.
Tuesday, December 4, 2012
A weekend lost
Last weekend was supposed to be a big weekend for me. At least, that is what I thought 13 years ago. (Okay, so more like 12 years and 8 months ago, but who's counting?) I guess I should explain. Tyler, my oldest, came home at 4 months old. Hence, the 12 years and 8 months ago. That makes 13 for those who were liberal arts majors and are reading this.
13 - I remember 13. It was a year. No, not the year 13. I am not that old. 13, for Jewish kids anyway, is a big year. You become a man (or a woman). (Time out: if you have no idea what I am talking about at this point, go watch Keeping Up With the Steins. Its funny. Trust me.) Its your Bar Mitzvah or Bat Mitzvah. Literally, you become a mitzvah, a good deed. Its a big deal. There is a service followed by a party. I remember both of mine.
My service was myself with 2 other guys. I went to a big Temple. We had to share dates. It was also my actual 13th birthday, which is unusual. I am pretty sure I screwed up. I know I didn't chant properly. I sucked at it. And, honestly, I didn't practice that hard. But, it is what it is.
My party was fun. There was a soccer theme. Who woulda thunk, huh? It was a lot of my dad's business friends and associates. I had my friends there. After the party, we went back to my house. We stayed up until 2am playing football in the backyard. It was a good day.
Last Saturday should have been Tyler's Bar Mitzvah. It was the first Saturday after he turned 13. It was the day my oldest was supposed to become a man. It didn't happen. You can't have a Bar Mitzvah when you are in a "treatment facility." (That is a rant for another day.) Instead of becoming a man, he was playing basketball and watching Bear in the Big Blue House. Fuck me!
Yes, instead of becoming a man, my son was watching Bear in the Big Blue House. Do you have any idea how much that hurts? Can you fathom how much that sucks? I don't know if I can even express it. I won't even try.
When I was growing up, we had a family tradition. At my brother's Bar Mitzvah, there is a picture of my dad, my brother and I holding a cigar still wrapped. At my sister's Bat Mitzvah, there is a picture of my dad, my brother and I with an unwrapped cigar in our mouths. At my Bar Mitzvah, wait for it, there is a picture of my dad, my brother and I smoking a cigar. The common theme? The cigar.
As dumb as it sounds, and it sounds dumb, I wanted that. I wanted those pictures. But there isn't one. There wasn't a Bar Mitzvah. (Oh, and my boys, rightly, think smoking is horrible, but I still wanted it.) A weekend lost...........one of those things I just can't get back. One of the losses of raising a kid with such significant special needs that the state just throws up its hands and says "I dont know what to do to help you."
This month, in honor of Tyler, I am going to light up a cigar. Even though we missed the service and the party, I will still have Tyler's cigar. Why? Because I love that kid to death.
To my Tyler:
On that day Jacob blessed them, he said, "In time to come, Israel (the Jewish people) will use you as a blessing. They will say, 'May God make you like Ephraim and Menashe'."
13 - I remember 13. It was a year. No, not the year 13. I am not that old. 13, for Jewish kids anyway, is a big year. You become a man (or a woman). (Time out: if you have no idea what I am talking about at this point, go watch Keeping Up With the Steins. Its funny. Trust me.) Its your Bar Mitzvah or Bat Mitzvah. Literally, you become a mitzvah, a good deed. Its a big deal. There is a service followed by a party. I remember both of mine.
My service was myself with 2 other guys. I went to a big Temple. We had to share dates. It was also my actual 13th birthday, which is unusual. I am pretty sure I screwed up. I know I didn't chant properly. I sucked at it. And, honestly, I didn't practice that hard. But, it is what it is.
My party was fun. There was a soccer theme. Who woulda thunk, huh? It was a lot of my dad's business friends and associates. I had my friends there. After the party, we went back to my house. We stayed up until 2am playing football in the backyard. It was a good day.
Last Saturday should have been Tyler's Bar Mitzvah. It was the first Saturday after he turned 13. It was the day my oldest was supposed to become a man. It didn't happen. You can't have a Bar Mitzvah when you are in a "treatment facility." (That is a rant for another day.) Instead of becoming a man, he was playing basketball and watching Bear in the Big Blue House. Fuck me!
Yes, instead of becoming a man, my son was watching Bear in the Big Blue House. Do you have any idea how much that hurts? Can you fathom how much that sucks? I don't know if I can even express it. I won't even try.
When I was growing up, we had a family tradition. At my brother's Bar Mitzvah, there is a picture of my dad, my brother and I holding a cigar still wrapped. At my sister's Bat Mitzvah, there is a picture of my dad, my brother and I with an unwrapped cigar in our mouths. At my Bar Mitzvah, wait for it, there is a picture of my dad, my brother and I smoking a cigar. The common theme? The cigar.
As dumb as it sounds, and it sounds dumb, I wanted that. I wanted those pictures. But there isn't one. There wasn't a Bar Mitzvah. (Oh, and my boys, rightly, think smoking is horrible, but I still wanted it.) A weekend lost...........one of those things I just can't get back. One of the losses of raising a kid with such significant special needs that the state just throws up its hands and says "I dont know what to do to help you."
This month, in honor of Tyler, I am going to light up a cigar. Even though we missed the service and the party, I will still have Tyler's cigar. Why? Because I love that kid to death.
To my Tyler:
On that day Jacob blessed them, he said, "In time to come, Israel (the Jewish people) will use you as a blessing. They will say, 'May God make you like Ephraim and Menashe'."
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