Who helps those who cannot help themselves

I really tried to go with funny tonight. I did. Go read my song. I thought it was funny. At least cute, if not funny. Its not ha ha funny. Its just chuckle funny. I think. Anyway, I was sitting here and I was wondering........who helps those who cannot help themselves?

Stop and think about that for a minute. We are a country of hundreds of millions. I don't know how many. I am too lazy to look it up. But if you are reading this, you are either reading it on a tablet, a smart phone or a computer with an internet connection. I have a sense of who reads this. You are probably a native English speaker, more likely than not college educated, or you went to a good high school, you live in a middle class to upper middle class area and you make a good living. You may not be rich, but you are more likely than not comfortable.

Have you thought about what its like for the people who aren't reading this? The people who can't read. The people who don't have the education to find this or have a language barrier. Maybe the people who have low IQs or educational needs that make it impossible for them to read this.

I was talking to a client tonight about something. And I posed the question "Who helps the people who don't have the same resources?" And there is no question.

Yes, we have social aid. We have agencies that give aid. We have food banks. We have job training. We help the people at the lowest rungs of the ladder. And that is a good thing. But, what about the people who aren't quite there. What about the family where mom and dad both have blue collar jobs, didn't graduate from high school or barely did, and have a kid with special needs but can't get the help for their kid? Or the guy who is working 2 jobs to pay his bills but falls behind and gets harassed by bill collectors when he takes out a payday loan and cannot repay it?

Don't tell me that these people aren't screwed. Every day I see it. I hear it. We all have. I sat there as I was told my autistic son had nothing wrong with him - just bad parents. I listened as I was told her didn't need help from the school. I have seen grown men cry because they do not know what to do for their families, they make too much for government assistance but not enough to get professional help.

Those people seem to get lost in the system. There is no advocate for them. Who is going to take that family and explain to them that there are agencies whose sole purpose is to provide services to their children? Who is going to tell the dad that he can help his child, even if help means having someone else teach his child? I know how hard this is, I live it every day. The difference: I know how to work the system and advocate for my child.

I wonder where we are as a society where we take those who aren't poor and aren't middle class and just ignore them. We don't provide services for them. Maybe we don't need to. Give a man a fish and feed him for a day. Teach a man to fish and feed him for a lifetime, right? Maybe we don't need to give these folks the help. Maybe we just need to teach them how to find the help, how to advocate for themselves.

Advocating is complex. Its not a matter of demanding. Its a matter of massaging. You have to play the game. You do things you don't agree with to reach a great goal.

I don't have the answers. I know that. I do see a problem. I do wonder what happens as the group below middle class and above poor continues not to be able to get access to services. Somewhere, someone must have an answer on helping these folks. I will leave that for those smarter than me.

A song

Okay, I have been serious for a while here. I haven't ripped on anyone or made fun of anyone. Mainly, because life has sucked for a while. But I decided I needed a break. Don't worry, there is more venting and ranting about life coming. But, this is an attempt at humor. Lets see if it works...........

You remember when music actually told a story? It was about something. Just think back to the artists who made real music, Don McLean, Simon and Garfunkel, Bruce Springsteen, Billy Joel. I could go on and an on. But you get the idea. These guys wrote songs that talked about something, about life. Today's music is about..........well, here is my version of a modern song:

I went out today
It was a day, day, day
I found some 420
I then ran into a chick named Jenny
We went back and smoked our stuff
It wasn't very rough
I think its clever that I call it 420
I think I came up with that term with Benny
No one knows what it means
They think I am talking about beans

CHORUS
I like sex
I got big pecs
I call women names
I play lots of mind games
I think drugs are cool
I aint not no fool

I think calling women names makes me a stud
I dont get why adults think I am a dud
I wear my pants down low
I just go with the flow
I think my bling makes me hot
I dont care that drugs make my brain rot
I can barely spell condom
STDs are fake is my anthem
If my girl gets pregnant
I will find her repugnant

CHORUS
I like sex
I got big pecs
I call women names
I play lots of mind games
I think drugs are cool
I aint not no fool

You adults are all losers
Me and my boys are users
You think you get me
I dont get my pee
Musicians are smart
We need to impart
This is how you kids should be
The adults just dont agree
We should rule the world
Then our great ideas will be unfurled

CHORUS
I like sex
I got big pecs
I call women names
I play lots of mind games
I think drugs are cool
I aint not no fool

You think I am making this up? Listen to the lyrics of these songs that kids listen to. Its obnoxious. Every other song is about sex, drugs or how cool these kids are. I just put it all into one. Now I just need to get some no talent act like Chris Brown or Ja Rule or Keenan to sing it. I will be famous for spending all of 3 minutes writing done some stupid words that rhyme.

Heros

I am pissed. I was going to write this last night but I bit my tongue. That's hard to do. My tongue sticks out pretty freaking far. Not as far as my ears stick out, but close. (That's classic Rodney Dangerfield and if you don't laugh at that, you probably don't laugh at Who's on First.)

Yesterday, News10 in Sacramento ran this story: http://www.news10.net/video/default.aspx?bctid=1972605695001 They call him a Super Hero. They also call him a vigilante.

Lets start with this: being a vigilante is not a good thing. People shouldn't want to be called vigilantes. Do you know the most famous vigilante? Lets try it. Word association, style. I say vigilante, you say: Bernie Goetz. Dude shot a couple of kids. In New York. On the Subway. Google it if you don't know what I am talking about. So now we are writing news stories about vigilantes who are walking the streets. Nice.

But this is worse. They called dude a hero. He is not a hero. He is some moron dressed up in a costume pretending he is 8 and thinking he can be Super Man. I know a few cops. I am pretty sure they all agree: if you see crime happening, call them. They are trained professionals. Do not think you are a Super Hero. You are not. Super Hero's are fake. You know what is real though: pretend Super Heros who get the crap beat out of them by actual criminals.

Look, I am not the biggest guy in the world. I have been in a few fights in my life. But, I can handle my own. I am going to call 911 if I see a crime in progress. Now I see some dude hurting a kid or a woman? Yes, I will jump in and help. But I am not walking around the streets in a Halloween costume pretending I am freaking Super Man. Thats just idiotic.

I keep losing my place. They call dude a hero. Do you know what a hero is? This is not a hero. My dad was my hero. He was the big strong guy who always took care of his family. A hero is the guy who has to work two jobs to support his family. A hero is a guy who does something nice for someone, not because he has to, but because he wants to. A hero is a guy who steps up and helps his community. A hero is someone who does the right thing.

Lets just be clear: this guy is playing Super Hero. That is so far from being a hero. The news is doing a disservice to our kids by calling this guy a hero. Heck, they are doing a disservice by even airing a story about this guy. Lets see stories about real heroes doing real things helping real people.

Sunday Soccer

Its interesting. Regular readers of this will know that I am not close to my family. No, not my wife and kids. My brother, two aunts, two uncles and 4 cousins. (Thankfully, one of my aunts never had kids. Some people just shouldn't have kids.) I feel like an outsider. I don't like most attorneys. I wouldn't hang out with them if I had the choice. (Some I would, most I would not.) I don't feel the need to hang out with people based on sharing a common religion. I don't have a ton of friends. But, I belong somewhere.

For me, that somewhere is Sunday Soccer. Yes, it gets capitalized. This game started 20 some odd years ago in Elk Grove. A group of guys wanted to get together and play soccer with their kids. Slowly, word of the game spread. For the last 13 years, I have been fortunate to be a part of this game, although it is more than a game. I am one of the "old timers" now along with a handful of much younger guys!

What is it? I don't know. We aren't family. We aren't quite friends. I mean, some of us are. Some folks come because their friends come. But we are us. And, we happen to like us.

I can't explain it. I look around this group and over the last 13 years we have had new people come, old people stop showing up, some people who stay and some people who leave. We have our rules and our personalities. But we have each other.

I remember last spring. We had a group of guys show up (we play co-ed but these were all guys). They didn't like our rules. They didn't like the way we played. At some point, it ended up as us against them. A beat down is the only way to describe. And no, not by them. By us. It wasn't pretty. I haven't seen those guys back since then.

Some of our guys are real soccer players. We have guys who have played professionally. We have some kids, and these guys are still kids in my eyes even in their mid to late 20s, who have played high school soccer and could have played further. They will never admit it, and that is one of the great things about the game. The egos are checked at the door. You think you are hot stuff? Come out and watch some young kid nutmeg you. It doesn't matter who you are. They manage to do it.

Some of us have played all of our lives, even if we are step (or six) slower. Some are guys who come out with their kids who play, even if dad hasn't played before because he wants to learn the game. (Okay, one guy I can think of, but he knows who he is.)

We have been through happy times together. I brought out See's cigars when my Brooklyn was born. We have had guys get engaged, get married, have babies. One guy is engaged now (or is it two?) and one guy's wife is pregnant.

We have been through sad times. My mom passing away. One of us who committed suicide. And we supported each other. I remember when Troy died. This kid could play soccer like nobody's business. He may have been the most natural player I have ever seen, no offense to any of the guys reading this. When we found out, we had a moment of silence. After our game, there was a prayer circle. It doesn't matter that we aren't the same religion. What mattered was that we were there for each other. Later that week we all showed up for his memorial service. 

I don't know why we all go out there. I go to play. I go to burn off stress. I go because on the soccer field, whatever problems I am having that day, that week, that month, disappear. I can't possibly worry about those while playing. I go because soccer is part of who I am. Its a bond between my father, who taught me the game, and myself. Its a bond between myself and my kids, who I taught to play. Its a bond between me and a group of guys (and women) who I would stand up and call my friends, be it guys who I actually like or guys who may rub me the wrong way, but are part of who we are.

I want to thank everyone who shows up on Sundays. I may not be there every week (and I will miss the next two), but the game, the people, they become part of who we are, part of our families, even if no one will man up and admit it.

I belong.............

Repeating the past

I was cleaning the house today and I realized what's wrong. I am repeating the mistakes of the past.

I was 16 years old. I was talking to my girlfriend (now my wife) and I told her something that was probably the most honest thing I could say. I didn't want to go into business because I didn't want to be compared to my father. I would do ANYTHING but have a career in business. And guess what? I run a business.

He was the smartest man I ever knew. How on earth am I supposed to compare to that? I can't. He had a fucking PhD in pharmaceutical chemistry. He flew around the world buying and selling businesses for a fortune 500 company. He had patents, inventions. He was a fucking genius.

I once told someone it was hard to be the son of a genius. I said it in a funny tone. Its not funny. I do everything I can to not be compared to him. Do you know how old it gets to hear "You are just like your father?" Im not. I am not half as smart as him. I havent done half the crap with my life that he did with his. I just haven't done it. I don't understand why anyone thinks I am like him. I don't see it.

So, here I sit, 9 1/2 years into my 2nd career and wondering what else I can do with my life. How do I get out? What can I do? Anything that doesn't involve business. I still run from it. I still try to hide. I pretend its not there. But it is...............

Then I look at my sons. I realize that they are turning out like I did. Is that good? Probably not. I don't talk to my brother. No one called me when my sister died. No one in my family talks to me. Is that what I want for them? But how do I stop it? How do I change it? Can it be changed? Would they be better off without me?

I don't know. I just don't. I wish I had an answer. I wish this was a simple problem. But its not. It appears that even if we remember the past, we may repeat it. I wish that wasn't true.............

What a weird day

It was such a strange day for me today. And that doesn't include my work. That's just life stuff.

Easy garbage: today is my brother's birthday. He is 8 years older than me. We haven't had a conversation in about a decade. Well, he called me and gave me updates when my mom was dying but other than that, we haven't talked in years. Its probably been more than a decade.

When I was with my mom watching her die, I promised her that I would try to talk to him. I have tried. This year and last year I have sent him a text on his birthday. The response? Silence. Not a single freaking word. Okay, fine. I don't actually expect him to stand up and act like a man at this point in his life. My wife told me I have hope. I don't think its hope. I think its a desire to keep my word to my mom. It doesn't seem to be working, but I guess I will just keep trying. What else can I do?

Hard: It was a rough day dealing with my oldest son. The call came last night that he had to be restrained. Fine. That doesn't surprise me anymore. The phone rings after 9pm and I will make a wager that that is the phone call I am going to get. I can deal with that.

But today was insurance issues. And people not doing what they said they would do. And just making it more complicated. Then my middle kid gets home from school where he was on a week long field trip. YAY! I see a boy there who is on the spectrum and he went on the trip and I think "Fuck." Yes, that is actually what I thought.

I just don't get it. I mean, I get it. Life isn't fair. God doesn't give us more than we can handle. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Sometimes bad things happen to good people. None of that changes this. My almost 13 year old can't do most things a 13 year old does because he has so many issues. And this little boy just reminded me of that.

I am glad this kid can do these things. His parents seem like nice people. I just want, for once, to be able to hang out with my son and do father son things. It just isn't in the cards.

It was a day. I know people have it worse. I just want a fun day once in a while. I don't think that is asking too much.