Okay, so I get that clothing tastes change over time. Pill box hats were once in style. Tweed suits. Heck, my dad used to go to work in a 3 piece suit. I do not even own a 3 piece suit. My suits are 3 button suits that are more stylish. But, there are some limits.
If you are over 21, maybe 22, your pants should not sag. Heck, if you have a job that is not at Mickey D's, your pants should not sag. Pants were meant to be worn at the waist. Not at the tuchus, the rump, the junk in the trunk location, the bootylicious booty, the rear end. I do not want to see your boxers, your briefs, your boxer briefs, or your thong. Even worse, some people wear sagging pants and go commando. YUCK!
Look, if I wanted to see underwear, I would break out a Victoria Secret catalog. Or, I would look at Fredericks of Hollywood. I would not want to see you - especially you guys! Really, the people who wear the sagging pants are the last people who should be seen in their underwear. It is just plain wrong.
I was once told to dress for the job you want, not the job you have. No one wants a job wear sagging pants are the accepted wardrobe. Pull up your pants.
Sunday, December 28, 2008
Tuesday, December 16, 2008
Telemarketers
Okay, I know picking on telemarketers is like shooting fish in a barrel. Its like hunting on one of those ranches where the hunters pay and the "catch" is in a pen. Its like making fun of politicians. Its like making fun of softball guy who hits a home run and circles the bases like Barry Bonds. Heck, its like making fun of softball guy who LOOKS like Barry Bonds and probably has roided up! But, here goes.
So, a telemarketer calls me today. He is trying to get me to trade in my car. I can hear the 200 people in the background making similar calls. And despite his assurance that he is from a dealership where I have bought cars in the past, he doesn't know how to pronounce my name. So, I know he is sitting in Indiana or Tulsa or some place like that and trying to make me think he is local.
He starts by asking me how I am. My standard response: "Fine. How are you?" He then says "I am calling you today from ..........." HELLO? I asked a question. I was trying to have a conversation. That is how this works. You say something. I say something. You ask a question. I answer it and ask a question. You then answer my freaking question. Don't ignore it like I said nothing. Don't skip it.
Oh wait. I know. He was reading his script. And the people they hire to do this can only read the script. It reminds me of a training I went to. We had a script in front of us and were asking questions. The question was "Do you agree to let me record this?" Answer: "Yes." Question on the script said "If yes, then ask.........." What did the person on the tape say? That's right!! "If yes.........."
Hello? Really? You felt it necessary to read from the script word for freaking word? You couldn't figure out that you could skip the "If yes" part. You decided that you needed to say everything.
This guy was the same way. He kept asking me questions without listening to my answers. So, am I interested in trading in my car? No. Do I know that they are selling cars at a discount? Yes. Am I interested? No. Do I want their financing? Again - did he miss it where I said I was not interested. He just kept on going.
I might as well have put the phone on speaker, sat back, relaxed and let him kept talking. It would have accomplished the same amount for him. He was talking for the sake of talking. That is the worst..........well, except for the people who talk because they like to hear their voices!
So, a telemarketer calls me today. He is trying to get me to trade in my car. I can hear the 200 people in the background making similar calls. And despite his assurance that he is from a dealership where I have bought cars in the past, he doesn't know how to pronounce my name. So, I know he is sitting in Indiana or Tulsa or some place like that and trying to make me think he is local.
He starts by asking me how I am. My standard response: "Fine. How are you?" He then says "I am calling you today from ..........." HELLO? I asked a question. I was trying to have a conversation. That is how this works. You say something. I say something. You ask a question. I answer it and ask a question. You then answer my freaking question. Don't ignore it like I said nothing. Don't skip it.
Oh wait. I know. He was reading his script. And the people they hire to do this can only read the script. It reminds me of a training I went to. We had a script in front of us and were asking questions. The question was "Do you agree to let me record this?" Answer: "Yes." Question on the script said "If yes, then ask.........." What did the person on the tape say? That's right!! "If yes.........."
Hello? Really? You felt it necessary to read from the script word for freaking word? You couldn't figure out that you could skip the "If yes" part. You decided that you needed to say everything.
This guy was the same way. He kept asking me questions without listening to my answers. So, am I interested in trading in my car? No. Do I know that they are selling cars at a discount? Yes. Am I interested? No. Do I want their financing? Again - did he miss it where I said I was not interested. He just kept on going.
I might as well have put the phone on speaker, sat back, relaxed and let him kept talking. It would have accomplished the same amount for him. He was talking for the sake of talking. That is the worst..........well, except for the people who talk because they like to hear their voices!
Friday, December 12, 2008
The California Legislature Needs to Miss Christmas
For those of you keeping score at home, California is facing a $14 billion plus deficit. This comes after our state government couldn't pass a budget until it was over 60 days late. Of course, the fine folks in the legislature get paid for not doing their job. Sure, they had to wait to get paid, but they still get paid. In the meantime, regular Californians who are not hand picked to be in the legislature are getting screwed.
So now they are meeting to discuss a revised budget. The state has been warned by the Finance Director that failure to get a new budget in place will harm our schools and social programs. The headline in the Sacramento Bee: "Discussions hit deadlock." Apparently, these folks cannot put partisan politics aside long enough to get a budget passed.
With that background, I have two ideas:
1. Lock them in chambers on December 23. Keep the doors closed with the CHP outside. They stay until there is a budget deal. No budget means no Christmas for them. Since many regular Califorians will not be having Christmas this year because our state is falling apart, our "leaders" should not have Christmas either. I believe its called tough love.
2. Lock them in chambers today. Turn off the heat. Let the Governor come in and light up one of his famous cigars. He can chain smoke for all I care. The smoke will build up until they agree on a budget. That should get the trick done. Oh, its bad for their health? You know what else is bad for one's health? Not having health insurance, but they can't seem to get that done either.
To our legislators: it is not that hard. You need to make cuts. It is not going to be fun or easy, but it needs to be done. And done now. So sit down, put your BS politics aside and get the deal done. Either that or quit because you clearly cannot make the tough decisions.
So now they are meeting to discuss a revised budget. The state has been warned by the Finance Director that failure to get a new budget in place will harm our schools and social programs. The headline in the Sacramento Bee: "Discussions hit deadlock." Apparently, these folks cannot put partisan politics aside long enough to get a budget passed.
With that background, I have two ideas:
1. Lock them in chambers on December 23. Keep the doors closed with the CHP outside. They stay until there is a budget deal. No budget means no Christmas for them. Since many regular Califorians will not be having Christmas this year because our state is falling apart, our "leaders" should not have Christmas either. I believe its called tough love.
2. Lock them in chambers today. Turn off the heat. Let the Governor come in and light up one of his famous cigars. He can chain smoke for all I care. The smoke will build up until they agree on a budget. That should get the trick done. Oh, its bad for their health? You know what else is bad for one's health? Not having health insurance, but they can't seem to get that done either.
To our legislators: it is not that hard. You need to make cuts. It is not going to be fun or easy, but it needs to be done. And done now. So sit down, put your BS politics aside and get the deal done. Either that or quit because you clearly cannot make the tough decisions.
Thursday, December 11, 2008
Voice Mail
You know how some people have funny voice mail messages when you call them? You know, the ones that you listen to and laugh. Some people, however, have ones that they think are funny but aren't. Which ones are those?
The morons who have messages which say "Hello?................Hello?...........Hello? (louder) Who is this?...........Hello?"
Okay, that was funny in 1984 when people first got answering machines. Heck, it wasn't even funny back then, but at least it was creative. In the last 24 years, it has become lame. Not kind of funny. Not a bit funny. Just lame.
Seriously, if you want funny, buy one of those CDs with the Addams Family voices. Or go hire these people. Do something. Anything but this lame message. Please.
Oh, and if you call a number and get this lame Hello message, then post a comment here with the number so we can all tell the person how lame their message is!
The morons who have messages which say "Hello?................Hello?...........Hello? (louder) Who is this?...........Hello?"
Okay, that was funny in 1984 when people first got answering machines. Heck, it wasn't even funny back then, but at least it was creative. In the last 24 years, it has become lame. Not kind of funny. Not a bit funny. Just lame.
Seriously, if you want funny, buy one of those CDs with the Addams Family voices. Or go hire these people. Do something. Anything but this lame message. Please.
Oh, and if you call a number and get this lame Hello message, then post a comment here with the number so we can all tell the person how lame their message is!
Tuesday, December 9, 2008
Street Racing
An open letter to the schmucks who were racing their cars down the major street in my neighborhood tonight:
First, racing down the street is dumb. You risk a whole lot of lives - and only two of them are yours. Well, in this case three since that third guy decided to join in. Not sure if you are aware of this, but if you hit someone at 60mph and they are going the opposite direction at 40mph, it is like a 100mph crash. But, karma being what it is, you won't die. The other person will.
Of course, in your POC car (piece of crap, but feel free to check out the Adam Sandler song with a similar title WARNING: the song does contain profanity) you probably put in racing seat belts so you are safe. And you probably reinforced the bumper. You morons don't understand that everyone else is at risk more than you are.
Second, you are driving a POC car. Just because you drive fast, does not mean you have a cool car. There are plenty of cars that go fast and still suck. Heck, a 72 Ford Pinto can go fast but it will also explode on impact.
Third, women don't think you are cool. This is going to be a newsflash to these guys: women don't think its cool to race your car. In fact, they think you are lame. You will not get a woman because you drive like a maniac who thinks he is Tony Stewart. Sure, you may have a gut like Tony Stewart, but you don't have the skills of Tony Stewart, or the money for that matter. All you have is, well, um, not much. Sorry. I can't come up with one reason why a woman would like you. Not one single reason.
Fourth, it doesn't actually get you there faster. You made it to your destination about 2 seconds before I did. And that is only because you cut me off so you could make the turn into the parking lot. Had you kept going straight, you would have reached your destination at about the same time I did. And, I didn't risk anyone's life. Schmuck. I drove safely, at the speed limit, and didn't swerve in and out of traffic.
I don't know why you guys think its cool. If you want a testosterone rush, there are plenty of other options. You can go to the gym, work out, take up sports, go to a strip club. Pretty much anything but race your car down the street. Heck, if you are insistent on racing, go to the local track during open racing nights and see how fast you are down the quarter mile. But, don't do it on the streets where you are going to kill someone. MORONS!
First, racing down the street is dumb. You risk a whole lot of lives - and only two of them are yours. Well, in this case three since that third guy decided to join in. Not sure if you are aware of this, but if you hit someone at 60mph and they are going the opposite direction at 40mph, it is like a 100mph crash. But, karma being what it is, you won't die. The other person will.
Of course, in your POC car (piece of crap, but feel free to check out the Adam Sandler song with a similar title WARNING: the song does contain profanity) you probably put in racing seat belts so you are safe. And you probably reinforced the bumper. You morons don't understand that everyone else is at risk more than you are.
Second, you are driving a POC car. Just because you drive fast, does not mean you have a cool car. There are plenty of cars that go fast and still suck. Heck, a 72 Ford Pinto can go fast but it will also explode on impact.
Third, women don't think you are cool. This is going to be a newsflash to these guys: women don't think its cool to race your car. In fact, they think you are lame. You will not get a woman because you drive like a maniac who thinks he is Tony Stewart. Sure, you may have a gut like Tony Stewart, but you don't have the skills of Tony Stewart, or the money for that matter. All you have is, well, um, not much. Sorry. I can't come up with one reason why a woman would like you. Not one single reason.
Fourth, it doesn't actually get you there faster. You made it to your destination about 2 seconds before I did. And that is only because you cut me off so you could make the turn into the parking lot. Had you kept going straight, you would have reached your destination at about the same time I did. And, I didn't risk anyone's life. Schmuck. I drove safely, at the speed limit, and didn't swerve in and out of traffic.
I don't know why you guys think its cool. If you want a testosterone rush, there are plenty of other options. You can go to the gym, work out, take up sports, go to a strip club. Pretty much anything but race your car down the street. Heck, if you are insistent on racing, go to the local track during open racing nights and see how fast you are down the quarter mile. But, don't do it on the streets where you are going to kill someone. MORONS!
Sunday, December 7, 2008
Bluetooth
Bluetooth - is that a great invention or what? Ignore for a moment the name - blue tooth? What is that? If someone had a blue tooth, that would scare me. But, it's not like it rhymes either. It seems like someone just made it up. How about redtoe? Does that work? I may start calling my bluetooth redtoe, just to see if it catches on.
But, beyond the dumb name, how come they can't get it to work more than 5 feet from the phone? After all, I can take my cordless telephone outside, down the street, and over past my neighbor's house. I don't lose reception. And if no one is driving up the street, they do not even know I am outside. It is great technology.
But, if I walk more than 5 feet from my cell phone, people can't hear a word I am saying. It sounds like I am standing next to the washing machine. My voice can't be heard and the static hurts my ears.
The bluetooth folks remind me a bit of the post office. Remember when the post office came out with stamps you do not have to lick? They were so excited about it. I still cannot figure out why since a stamp I do not have to lick is called a sticker - which they had since I was a kid at least three decades ago!
But the bluetooth people are the same way. They came out with this great invention, or so they say. But it doesn't work as well as my cordless phone. Why not? Would it really be that hard to send a signal from a phone to a headset at 20 feet? 30 feet?
Don't get me wrong - I will still use my bluetooth. I just cannot figure out why I cannot get more out of it.
But, beyond the dumb name, how come they can't get it to work more than 5 feet from the phone? After all, I can take my cordless telephone outside, down the street, and over past my neighbor's house. I don't lose reception. And if no one is driving up the street, they do not even know I am outside. It is great technology.
But, if I walk more than 5 feet from my cell phone, people can't hear a word I am saying. It sounds like I am standing next to the washing machine. My voice can't be heard and the static hurts my ears.
The bluetooth folks remind me a bit of the post office. Remember when the post office came out with stamps you do not have to lick? They were so excited about it. I still cannot figure out why since a stamp I do not have to lick is called a sticker - which they had since I was a kid at least three decades ago!
But the bluetooth people are the same way. They came out with this great invention, or so they say. But it doesn't work as well as my cordless phone. Why not? Would it really be that hard to send a signal from a phone to a headset at 20 feet? 30 feet?
Don't get me wrong - I will still use my bluetooth. I just cannot figure out why I cannot get more out of it.
Saturday, December 6, 2008
Legal Blogger is a Moron
So there is a legal blogger who thinks that attorneys should not market. That is dumb. Not marketing a business is like not selling a product. It makes no business sense. So, here are my comments to this so-called expert. (By the way, I am an attorney and will comment about what other attorneys do and say. Attorneys are easy fodder, but hey, I need material sometimes.) (Note there are some bad words, but those are mostly bleeped out with "-".)
1. Anyone who uses the word blawgosphere is a douchebawg. (If you didn’t laugh at this, stop reading here.) First, it’s a blog. If you think your f-ing blog is special because its about law, you are a pretentious SOB who thinks your s don’t stink. (Fill in the blanks people.) A blog is a blog is a blog and I don’t care if its about a legal issue, little Bobby pooping in the toilet or how to become environmentally conscious. If you think you need to differentiate your blog because you are a lawyer, you have no freaking clue about how the rest of the world views you. Second, its not a blawgosphere. Its not a blogosphere. Its not a sphere of any kind. You are a blogger. Just like me. Just like thousands of other people. And you are one of 1000s of bloggers. And no one thinks you are special. Hell, I might start a blog for my 7 year old. After all, he can put together a sentence even if it reads a bit strange lacking a verb.
2. This dumbass doesn’t understand business at all. I don’t know him. I don’t know his blog. I don’t read blogs. Sorry to disappoint you. But between work, maintaining my own blogs, which has slipped a bit, playing soccer, coaching soccer, refereeing soccer, being on the soccer board, going to taekwondo class because I want to get my black belt and having 10 rounds of sparring with some badasses , taking care of my wife, dealing with my three kids, suing my f-ing school district because some POS psychologist who has a bad die job (and hes a guy) and thinks a combover looks good thinks my doesn't need services, and trying to maintain a social life, ncluding with the guy who kisses my wife when he sees her, I don’t have time to read blogs. And the ones I want to read would be limited. Why? Because some people are funny! This guy is not!! Otherwise, I care about what this dweeb has to say about as much as I care who is starting for the Sacramento Kings – not at all. Even if I did read blogs, I wouldn’t read this crap. Dude reminds me of listening to my dad yell at MBAs on CNBC who thought they were smarter than people who run businesses. This guy thinks because he has some idea how to run a criminal defense practice in NYC, someone should care what he thinks about how the rest of us run our businesses. I have a model I follow that is completely non-legal related. It works for me because I run it like a business. I accept that it doesn’t work for most people. But don’t sit in your office with your porn star wannabe mustache and tell me that you don’t like marketing. I don’t care if you like my toilet paper – if I want your opinion, I either know it because you are a friend or I will give it to you.
3. You want to make personal attacks on my buddy? (This guy made personal attacks about a friend of mine who is involved in marketing.) Do it to his face. Don’t do it on a blog. But, I should remind him that .us is generally not an acceptable extension for law firms and makes lawyer subject to discipline, at least where I am licensed. Yet, he thinks he is smart enough to go attack someone. Really?
4. Dude is compensating for something. Maybe its his bad haircut – again. Maybe its his mustache. Maybe its his lack of size. I don’t know, but first he writes “That’s right. We bad. Kinda.” Seriously? We bad is reserved for people who are actually badasses. My taekwondo instructor, Chuck Liddell, Randy Couture, Urijah Faber (up until last week). This guy is about as bad as untreated jock itch. That’s it. Then he says “Kinda.” Did his kid get left behind? (It’s a reference to No Child Left Behind, for those of you who miss it.) Kinda ain't a word which is why it gets the fancy red underlining when I type it in my blog. He is clearly attempting to make people think he is cool. Cool is. Cool cannot be created. I can walk into a room with 3 bodyguards in a nice suit and make it rain. That don’t mean I am cool. In fact, it just means I want to be cool. Clearly he does not get this.
This guy is another reason why people hate lawyers!
1. Anyone who uses the word blawgosphere is a douchebawg. (If you didn’t laugh at this, stop reading here.) First, it’s a blog. If you think your f-ing blog is special because its about law, you are a pretentious SOB who thinks your s don’t stink. (Fill in the blanks people.) A blog is a blog is a blog and I don’t care if its about a legal issue, little Bobby pooping in the toilet or how to become environmentally conscious. If you think you need to differentiate your blog because you are a lawyer, you have no freaking clue about how the rest of the world views you. Second, its not a blawgosphere. Its not a blogosphere. Its not a sphere of any kind. You are a blogger. Just like me. Just like thousands of other people. And you are one of 1000s of bloggers. And no one thinks you are special. Hell, I might start a blog for my 7 year old. After all, he can put together a sentence even if it reads a bit strange lacking a verb.
2. This dumbass doesn’t understand business at all. I don’t know him. I don’t know his blog. I don’t read blogs. Sorry to disappoint you. But between work, maintaining my own blogs, which has slipped a bit, playing soccer, coaching soccer, refereeing soccer, being on the soccer board, going to taekwondo class because I want to get my black belt and having 10 rounds of sparring with some badasses , taking care of my wife, dealing with my three kids, suing my f-ing school district because some POS psychologist who has a bad die job (and hes a guy) and thinks a combover looks good thinks my doesn't need services, and trying to maintain a social life, ncluding with the guy who kisses my wife when he sees her, I don’t have time to read blogs. And the ones I want to read would be limited. Why? Because some people are funny! This guy is not!! Otherwise, I care about what this dweeb has to say about as much as I care who is starting for the Sacramento Kings – not at all. Even if I did read blogs, I wouldn’t read this crap. Dude reminds me of listening to my dad yell at MBAs on CNBC who thought they were smarter than people who run businesses. This guy thinks because he has some idea how to run a criminal defense practice in NYC, someone should care what he thinks about how the rest of us run our businesses. I have a model I follow that is completely non-legal related. It works for me because I run it like a business. I accept that it doesn’t work for most people. But don’t sit in your office with your porn star wannabe mustache and tell me that you don’t like marketing. I don’t care if you like my toilet paper – if I want your opinion, I either know it because you are a friend or I will give it to you.
3. You want to make personal attacks on my buddy? (This guy made personal attacks about a friend of mine who is involved in marketing.) Do it to his face. Don’t do it on a blog. But, I should remind him that .us is generally not an acceptable extension for law firms and makes lawyer subject to discipline, at least where I am licensed. Yet, he thinks he is smart enough to go attack someone. Really?
4. Dude is compensating for something. Maybe its his bad haircut – again. Maybe its his mustache. Maybe its his lack of size. I don’t know, but first he writes “That’s right. We bad. Kinda.” Seriously? We bad is reserved for people who are actually badasses. My taekwondo instructor, Chuck Liddell, Randy Couture, Urijah Faber (up until last week). This guy is about as bad as untreated jock itch. That’s it. Then he says “Kinda.” Did his kid get left behind? (It’s a reference to No Child Left Behind, for those of you who miss it.) Kinda ain't a word which is why it gets the fancy red underlining when I type it in my blog. He is clearly attempting to make people think he is cool. Cool is. Cool cannot be created. I can walk into a room with 3 bodyguards in a nice suit and make it rain. That don’t mean I am cool. In fact, it just means I want to be cool. Clearly he does not get this.
This guy is another reason why people hate lawyers!
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