Pants and IQ

I have a friend named Tim. He has a chart he calls the hot versus crazy chart. To him, you can date a woman as long as her hotness puts her above the line where hot meets crazy. The crazier she is, the hotter she has to be to date. (Seriously, I am not making this up.)

I have a chart I call the pants versus IQ chart. It, alas, does not involve hot women. It does involve underwear though. Oh wait, no, not the good kind. No thongs. No low cut bikini underwear. Nope, nothing that good.

I have determined, via close observation, but not that close - YUCK - that the lower a guy wears his pants on his body, the lower his IQ. Well, to an extent. Grandpa who wears them up around his nips is not brighter than those of us who wear them at our waist. So, the rule should actually be that the lower a guy wears them from his waist, the lower his IQ. Oh, you think I am wrong. The following are true stories.

Exhibit A: A few guys were skateboarding on a street near me. They had a rail up to grind on. (Admit it - you are impressed I knew grind without looking it up.) Cars were coming and they saw the cars coming, but decided to get in one more attempt before the cars went by.

Exhibit B: Two guys were crossing Laguna Blvd. They each had their pants around their mid-thighs. Dude A was smoking. Dude B was not. They then shared a cigarette. The same cigarette. One cancer stick for two guys. These guys were so dumb that they probably thought it cut their chance of cancer by 50%. Nuff said?

Exhibit C: One guy was waiting to cross the street. His pants? Around his knees. The light for traffic going east and west was green. He wanted to go south. So, what did this guy do? He crossed anyway like he was George trying to move Frogger from the pizza parlor to keep his hi score. He made it but barely. Darwin will catch up to that guy.

Exhibit D: One guy decided he was going to rob the store. He had his pants around his ankles. Seriously, I saw it with Danny "I am an alcohol drinking, dope smoking, chicken choking (Come on, would any woman really do it with that guy), not working, D list actor" Bonnaduce on some show on Tru TV (Not reality, actuality, which by the way, doesn't mean anything especially when you have that made up repo show on your station).

It is clear that the lower the pants, the lower the IQ. I still don't understand why guys wear their pants so lose that not only do you see the underwear, but also the back of the thighs and the knees. This isn't an attractive look on women with nice underwear and it really is not an attractive look on guys. Pull your damn pants up and you may one day get a job that doesn't have you say "Would you like fries with that?"

Dude, pull up your pants

Okay, so I get that clothing tastes change over time. Pill box hats were once in style. Tweed suits. Heck, my dad used to go to work in a 3 piece suit. I do not even own a 3 piece suit. My suits are 3 button suits that are more stylish. But, there are some limits.

If you are over 21, maybe 22, your pants should not sag. Heck, if you have a job that is not at Mickey D's, your pants should not sag. Pants were meant to be worn at the waist. Not at the tuchus, the rump, the junk in the trunk location, the bootylicious booty, the rear end. I do not want to see your boxers, your briefs, your boxer briefs, or your thong. Even worse, some people wear sagging pants and go commando. YUCK!

Look, if I wanted to see underwear, I would break out a Victoria Secret catalog. Or, I would look at Fredericks of Hollywood. I would not want to see you - especially you guys! Really, the people who wear the sagging pants are the last people who should be seen in their underwear. It is just plain wrong.

I was once told to dress for the job you want, not the job you have. No one wants a job wear sagging pants are the accepted wardrobe. Pull up your pants.