What the hell do you say?

This has been a long 8 days. First, my wife's grandmother died. Then, a friend called me to tell me that his daughter passed away at the end of last week. Fuck. What on earth do you say?

My wife's grandmother was 100. She died peacefully. You know what, that doesn't make it suck any less. It still sucks. I knew her since she was 78. Damn, my parents didn't even live to be 78. Yet, I met her when she was 78. She was a great lady. She always knew what was going on and always wanted to know. She was active and alert. She was just a really cool grandma. And by the time I met her, I had already lost two of my grandparents and lost another just 2 years later. I always called her grandma. That is what she was. So it was sad.

Then my friend called me today. He knew last week was a long week and he had a minute today. So he called me to tell me his adult daughter had passed away. I didn't know what to say. I said "I am so sorry." The circle of life has been disrupted. Parents aren't supposed to outlive their kids. What the hell? I didn't know what to say.

What makes this worse is my friend lost his wife earlier this year. Two in a year? My mom went through it. My dad and her dad died two months apart. They were in their 60s and 80s. My buddy's wife was in her 60s and his daughter was about my age. How do you explain that? What sense is there in that?

I don't know what to tell him. I offered to do anything, but we all do that. We know its something you are supposed to say. And we all know no one ever takes you up on that. But what else do you say? Here is what I think I say:

My friend, I am sorry for your loss. I can't begin to understand how much this hurts. You, amigo, are tougher than most. I don't know how you deal with this, but you do. You are a good friend, a good human being and a good guy. You are a role model and an example to us all. I cannot take away the pain or make it feel any better. I can only offer you my friendship, an ear to listen when you need to, and a promise to always be here for you.