Five Ways to Lose Your "Guy Card"

So we spent some time this weekend driving to Palm Springs, in Palm Springs and driving back from Palm Springs. I made some observations about guys that I think are universal. And so I present five ways to lose your guy card:

5. Bad driving. I don't just mean driving like a loon. And I don't mean road rage. Road rage should result in losing your driver's license, not just your guy card. A few examples: the fast lane means go fast. If you are doing 60 when the speed limit is 70, you should NOT BE IN THE FAST LANE! Do not drive in the left lane constantly. Use the left lane for passing. Hence, the name the passing lane. Oh, and if the car in front of you is stopped because the entire freeway is stopped, do not rear end them!

4. Chzzled. No, not the name of some new Eminen song. (By the way, memo to guy who posted "Loose Yourself" on Youtube. It is LOSE Yourself, not Loose yourself. Spell check works wonders!) This was a license plate we saw on the road. It says "Chiseled." Yes, it was a guy driving it. And he thought he was buff. Notice I said thought. When you have muscles like this guy, it is clear you want guys to envy your muscles. Women do not care about you being "chiseled." You do it because you want guys to admire you. And then you put it on your license plate? It should actually read "LOSER!" Turn in your guy card!

3. Pink shirts. Ok, not just any pink shirt. I admit it, I have a pink dress shirt that I wear with my suit. It goes well and I get lots of compliments. But, do not buy a pink shirt with white strips. And especially do not buy it at the Polo store. Really, I mean this is just admitting to having no taste. Those white horizontal stripes are obnoxious. And they make you look chunky, in addition to showing you have no taste. Please, stay away. Heck, Polo - please stop selling those shirts. YUCK!

2. Pointing with your pinkie. Okay, I wish I could make this up. Dude in a red truck was pointing with his pinkie. He was sticking it out the window. Next thing I know, he will pick up his Budweiser and stick his pinkie out. Either dude thinks he is French or he has no concept of how bizarre this is. Do not use your pinkie to point. That is why you have a POINTER FINGER! Yes, it is between your thumb and your middle finger - you know, the one you stick out at people. Stop using your pinkie. It just makes you look like a dufus - or a French guy. And neither one is good.

1. Walking with your dog in a kennel. I don't mean a big kennel like in your house. There was a guy walking around with his dog in a little carrying case like he was Paris Hilton. The guy, not the dog, although the dog was probably cuter than Paris Hilton, and was definitely cuter than Perez Hilton, who really needs to get a life. I mean, I like my dogs just fine. In fact, I was bit trying to help one. But I don't bring them to the freaking mall. And I don't walk around with them in a carrying case like they are a purse. Seriously, get some friends and go walk around with them, but not your dog. That just makes you lame. Very lame. Ridiculously lame.

Guys, if any of these describe you, feel free to email me your guy card. You should be turning it in!