Pants and IQ

I have a friend named Tim. He has a chart he calls the hot versus crazy chart. To him, you can date a woman as long as her hotness puts her above the line where hot meets crazy. The crazier she is, the hotter she has to be to date. (Seriously, I am not making this up.)

I have a chart I call the pants versus IQ chart. It, alas, does not involve hot women. It does involve underwear though. Oh wait, no, not the good kind. No thongs. No low cut bikini underwear. Nope, nothing that good.

I have determined, via close observation, but not that close - YUCK - that the lower a guy wears his pants on his body, the lower his IQ. Well, to an extent. Grandpa who wears them up around his nips is not brighter than those of us who wear them at our waist. So, the rule should actually be that the lower a guy wears them from his waist, the lower his IQ. Oh, you think I am wrong. The following are true stories.

Exhibit A: A few guys were skateboarding on a street near me. They had a rail up to grind on. (Admit it - you are impressed I knew grind without looking it up.) Cars were coming and they saw the cars coming, but decided to get in one more attempt before the cars went by.

Exhibit B: Two guys were crossing Laguna Blvd. They each had their pants around their mid-thighs. Dude A was smoking. Dude B was not. They then shared a cigarette. The same cigarette. One cancer stick for two guys. These guys were so dumb that they probably thought it cut their chance of cancer by 50%. Nuff said?

Exhibit C: One guy was waiting to cross the street. His pants? Around his knees. The light for traffic going east and west was green. He wanted to go south. So, what did this guy do? He crossed anyway like he was George trying to move Frogger from the pizza parlor to keep his hi score. He made it but barely. Darwin will catch up to that guy.

Exhibit D: One guy decided he was going to rob the store. He had his pants around his ankles. Seriously, I saw it with Danny "I am an alcohol drinking, dope smoking, chicken choking (Come on, would any woman really do it with that guy), not working, D list actor" Bonnaduce on some show on Tru TV (Not reality, actuality, which by the way, doesn't mean anything especially when you have that made up repo show on your station).

It is clear that the lower the pants, the lower the IQ. I still don't understand why guys wear their pants so lose that not only do you see the underwear, but also the back of the thighs and the knees. This isn't an attractive look on women with nice underwear and it really is not an attractive look on guys. Pull your damn pants up and you may one day get a job that doesn't have you say "Would you like fries with that?"