A few quick thoughts on a Wednesday

I have a few quick thoughts on a Wednesday.

1. How come the big boneded people are driving the Mini? Not just the Mini, but the Miata, any Kia, the small Hyundai, maybe a Yugo. I mean, shouldn't some common sense come into play. If you weigh half the weight of the Mini, should you really be being a Mini? Can't you upgrade to say a Regular? Or, if you are like that guy in Mexico, maybe a Maxi? There needs to be a rule about this: you cannot buy a car that you have to squeeze in to and be sucked out of by a tornado.

2. Why do people take Facebook quizzes? Do I really need to answer questions about my eyes? Hazel. Or do I need to tell you my sign? Virgo. I mean, really, do I need to answer a question about my favorite movie? Victory. Update: Sneakers too, but only because I am being made fun of by two people as I write this. I do not want to tell you that my color is blue. I should not have to answer a question about what beer is my personality. Guiness, clearly. I just don't get it. Why do you care? If you know me, you would know that I would be a soccer cleat. And if you do not know me, why are you a friend on Facebook anyway? Oh, and if you are on Facebook, do not put your freaking twitter post on Facebook.

3. Why do people slurp coffee? Loudly. Its loud. Its annoying. It may be more annoying than me running my mouth on the soccer game. Seriously. If your coffee is that hot, DO NOT DRINK IT. Or, here is an idea, let it cool off. Or, ask for it a bit cooler. I know that your Starbucks is not that hot. You just want the freaking attention. Oh, and if you need that attention, you are not that hot, lady. Trust me on this. And the dude who slurps should be taken out back and whooped. A lot. Take off your pink shirt and stop slurping, Billy or Bobby or whatever "y" name you go by.

4. I understand women want to wear panties - once in a while. Lets just get this out of the way: guys like it when you go commando. Well, when most of you go commando. Some of you should not go commando. But, if you are going to wear panties, do we really need to see your pantilines? I mean, that is why we created thongs. If your pants are that tight, throw on a pair of thongs. Or, and here is an idea, don't wear pants that tight. A little room between the skin and the pants is not a bad thing. I promise. And if you decide to go the thong route, do we really need to see them coming out the top of your pants? Can you pull your freaking pants up or slide your thong down a bit? Seeing the top of your thong is not attractive. At all. Ever. Never. Never, ever, ever. I promise.

5. There is a reason I do not run a restaurant for a living, but can the restaurants do something about their freaking seating? When you go in to a restaurant and there is no one else there, why do they seat you in the middle? And then, the next couple comes in, and they seat them right next to you. And the next couple - right on the other side of you. Dude you have a 3,000 square foot restaurant, can you spread them out a bit? Just a bit. Like, maybe there should be a rule like guys have. When we go in to the bathroom, we use every other urinal. Two guys go in and there are three urinals. They leave open the middle urinal. Its a rule. The same should apply in a restaurant. Leave open the table between us. I don't want someone right freaking next to me - especially the loud, older couple who forgot their hearing aids and are yelling at each other "PASS THE BUTTER! No, DON'T PASS GAS, PASS THE BUTTER!" I don't need to hear that during my 30 or 45 minute dinner. Please? Just once.

Okay, off to go talk to my pregnant wife.