I S YUCK!

Okay, so someone sent me this website and YUCK! (By the way, I do accept email submissions of ideas.) The website - and I dread to give this out - isathletics.com. No, it is not a hyperlink because I went there so you don't have to. Think of me as the Joel McHale of websites.

This website can make you look 1 to 3 inches slimmer. Well, the product they sell can. It is a male girdle. Well, it is a belt, or a tank or a crew neck or a......why the hell am I telling you this? Its disgusting.

I am sorry. It is not a girdle. It is an "undergarment" that can slim you. But, it is a special one in that they have a 30 day money back guarantee. But, thankfully, they won't take back any soiled undergarments. Soiled? A soiled shirt? Are you using it for toilet paper? Has it become your newest way of cleaning up after you answered nature's call?

As for guys who buy this, I have something that can make them look slimmer and save them the $30 plus the $10 in shipping. Ready? I guarantee this will make you look slimmer: WALK. Yes, lardbutt, get off the couch and go for a walk once a day. Maybe even try a jog. That is when you move your legs faster than you do when you walk. Do this once a day for 30 days and you will look 1 to 3 inches slimmer. And it is FREE! Oh, and the fresh air will help your smoke infested lungs, Mr. 2 pack a day.

Oh, don't look at me like that. You know the guys who buy this smoke 2 packs a day - at least. I am probably being nice. Dude probably is like the Army. You know, they do more before 6am then most people do all day. This dude smokes 2 packs before 6 am. If he wants to wear a girdle, he smokes. Case closed.

Interestingly, they won't give you the company information. I am not making that up. Seriously. It is even on their website. "No company information should be disclosed to any customer." Seriously? I can't get any information on this company? This makes me feel like the company is owned by PeeWee or Chester. YUCK! What kind of company are you when you are hiding your identity?

If you buy this, you deserve to gain 1 to 3 inches while waiting for this to come from sitting around and eating fruitcake and smoking your death sticks. You will get then put this on and look like you did before you bought it.

I am now going to throw acid on my eyes to get the image out of them. ARGH!