Capitalism: A Fake Story

So Michael Moore is at it again. He has made a movie called "Capitalism: A Love Story." He claims this is the culmination of his last 20 years since he made "Roger and Me." There are so many things wrong with this movie. Where should I begin?

First, does anyone really like Michael Moore movies? Really? I mean, sure some people think that the topics are interesting like Sicko or his ridiculous 9/11 movie. I think it was called "Ridiculous, A Michael Moore Conspiracy Theory Crazier than Oliver Stone." Was that not the title? Maybe it was his Columbine movie which I believe was called "Columbine: I am making money off of other people's tragedy." Maybe it was his little known movie "Michael Moore: I live in a Mansion."

Which gets me to the point of this little rant. His latest movie is supposed to show that the free market system has caused a whole host of ills for this country. He compares capitalism to pure evil and has a priest talk about capitalism as if it is the devil. Part of this movie is about Moore's personal life and how he wanted to be an activist priest. Finally, he wants to show that capitalism is a system that is set up to make a profit on anything.

Okay, so lets start with some basics. You have a few basic economic models. Capitalism, socialism and communism. There are variations of these, but these are your three basic models. (If you don't trust me, David Lang, Professor of Economics at CSU Sacramento, will explain it to you. Trust me - nice guy and he actually continued getting degrees in economics until he had a PhD!) Communism has failed. I guess technically it still exists in places like Cuba, but if it worked that well, wouldn't people stop defecting from Cuba, especially on little rafts in a big, shark filled ocean? Socialism is around, but lets face it: it aint that good!

Socialized medicine is terrible. Proof? Here is the hearing test in Canada when you apply for residency. You stand in a room and the person administering the test stands behind you. They then say a word at about regular speaking level and you have to repeat it. Yep, that is how they check your hearing in Canada. Nice, huh? (Honest to goodness: this is a true story!!)

As for capitalism being the devil, really? Really, do we think it is that bad? Capitalism, of course, is what lets Michael Moo (dude kind of looks like a cow, doesn't he?) do what he does: make bad movies. If we were in a communist society, he wouldn't be able to make these movies. If we were in a socialist society, he wouldn't have the resources to make these movies. But, we are in a capitalist society and apparently that bothers Michael Mooron. (Yes, I know it is spelled wrong - it is a play on his last name!)

Of course, Michael Moore doesn't tell you that he owns over a quarter of a million dollars in stock. And that stock is in American companies. Um, yes those same companies that he rails about. And he is a self proclaimed multi-millionaire. Not jut a millionaire. But a multi-millionaire. Dude has millions of dollars from living in a capitalist society. But, of course, he never tells you this because that would change your perspective on him. He is not a working stiff from Flint, but rather he is getting stiff with his millions. (Oh, come on, that's funny. Imagine Michael Moore rolling around on his bed with his money. After all, its not like he is going to have a line of women waiting for him!)

Hey, you want to criticize the country, go for it. But at least do it from a position of honesty. Michael Mofo is just not honest with people. He ignores the fact that he has made millions and millions of dollars from his crappy movies. He ignores the fact that he is invested in the same companies he claims to hate. He makes these movies because people watch them. Of course, what people, I don't know. Yes, actually I do. My liberal friends. My very liberal friends. And there are enough of those people in this country to make Michelle Moore (come on, dude is at least a D cup) a very rich person.

Here is to Miguel Moro (he seems to like communism so much that maybe he is from Cuba) being honest in his next high school produced beta movie.

A few quick thoughts on a Wednesday

I have a few quick thoughts on a Wednesday.

1. How come the big boneded people are driving the Mini? Not just the Mini, but the Miata, any Kia, the small Hyundai, maybe a Yugo. I mean, shouldn't some common sense come into play. If you weigh half the weight of the Mini, should you really be being a Mini? Can't you upgrade to say a Regular? Or, if you are like that guy in Mexico, maybe a Maxi? There needs to be a rule about this: you cannot buy a car that you have to squeeze in to and be sucked out of by a tornado.

2. Why do people take Facebook quizzes? Do I really need to answer questions about my eyes? Hazel. Or do I need to tell you my sign? Virgo. I mean, really, do I need to answer a question about my favorite movie? Victory. Update: Sneakers too, but only because I am being made fun of by two people as I write this. I do not want to tell you that my color is blue. I should not have to answer a question about what beer is my personality. Guiness, clearly. I just don't get it. Why do you care? If you know me, you would know that I would be a soccer cleat. And if you do not know me, why are you a friend on Facebook anyway? Oh, and if you are on Facebook, do not put your freaking twitter post on Facebook.

3. Why do people slurp coffee? Loudly. Its loud. Its annoying. It may be more annoying than me running my mouth on the soccer game. Seriously. If your coffee is that hot, DO NOT DRINK IT. Or, here is an idea, let it cool off. Or, ask for it a bit cooler. I know that your Starbucks is not that hot. You just want the freaking attention. Oh, and if you need that attention, you are not that hot, lady. Trust me on this. And the dude who slurps should be taken out back and whooped. A lot. Take off your pink shirt and stop slurping, Billy or Bobby or whatever "y" name you go by.

4. I understand women want to wear panties - once in a while. Lets just get this out of the way: guys like it when you go commando. Well, when most of you go commando. Some of you should not go commando. But, if you are going to wear panties, do we really need to see your pantilines? I mean, that is why we created thongs. If your pants are that tight, throw on a pair of thongs. Or, and here is an idea, don't wear pants that tight. A little room between the skin and the pants is not a bad thing. I promise. And if you decide to go the thong route, do we really need to see them coming out the top of your pants? Can you pull your freaking pants up or slide your thong down a bit? Seeing the top of your thong is not attractive. At all. Ever. Never. Never, ever, ever. I promise.

5. There is a reason I do not run a restaurant for a living, but can the restaurants do something about their freaking seating? When you go in to a restaurant and there is no one else there, why do they seat you in the middle? And then, the next couple comes in, and they seat them right next to you. And the next couple - right on the other side of you. Dude you have a 3,000 square foot restaurant, can you spread them out a bit? Just a bit. Like, maybe there should be a rule like guys have. When we go in to the bathroom, we use every other urinal. Two guys go in and there are three urinals. They leave open the middle urinal. Its a rule. The same should apply in a restaurant. Leave open the table between us. I don't want someone right freaking next to me - especially the loud, older couple who forgot their hearing aids and are yelling at each other "PASS THE BUTTER! No, DON'T PASS GAS, PASS THE BUTTER!" I don't need to hear that during my 30 or 45 minute dinner. Please? Just once.

Okay, off to go talk to my pregnant wife.