So, we all know a good apology. "Honey, I am sorry I did not take out the garbage." Or in sparring as Tim would say to me "I am sorry I kicked you below the belt. You know I cannot get my kick above ankle high." A good apology does wonders. You can make the other person feel better. You make yourself feel better. The world is a tiny bit better.
Then there is the un apology. What is an un apology? It looks like an apology. It has some of the parts of an apology. But, it is not real. It is a fake. It is like those purses you see on the corner of 4th and Broadway in NYC.
This comes up because I am on a list for attorneys. There are 3,500 people or so on the list. The list has a few rules, including no spam. So, some guy joins and spams the list. People call him on it. Then he gives an un apology. He states that he is sorry for spamming people, but then goes into a pitch about how great his company is. Yes, Total Practice Management Association thinks this qualifies as an apology. So, in the spirit of Kevin's un apology, here are my top 5 un apologies:
1. To Bodine, L - "I am sorry I called you all of those names like Larry Bovine or my favorite Larry BVDine. I really should have explained to people that my left testicle forgot more about how to run a small law firm that you have ever known - combined - in your whole life."
2. To the guy going in to the tanning salon - "I am sorry for insinuating that you are a twerp for going in to a tanning salon. It turns out a lot of body builders go in to a tanning salon. Of course, I can do a one leg squat with more weight than you can lift with all of your twerp-like muscles combined. Oh, and let me see you parent your kid one day. Oh wait, you don't have kids."
3. To the punks from baseball practice - "I am sorry for calling you punks. I really meant to call you dumb*** mother******ing c***s***ing pieces of s*** bastar** who should be taken out back and whooped followed by being stoned (and not the drug kind) and then tarred and feathered since you think you are so tough."
4. To the lawyer with the sunglasses - "I am sorry for implying you are a conceited know it all. Really, you are a conceited son of a b**** who thinks his s*** doesn't smell and should be dunked in dung until you realize that most high school graduates are smarter than you and most 4th graders have better people skills than you."
5. Finally, to to the guy at Leapfish - "I am sorry for saying you have the worst sales call ever. The worst sales call ever really goes to the lady who followed up from your company and, after admitting she had heard of my prior post, still continued her efforts to sell me on your service. That was truly the worst sales call ever, but it is still your fault for thinking I am not that good at my job."
Now, as a bonus, my un apology to Kevin: "I am sorry for saying that your un apology was not sincere. I am sure you were sincerely trying to get more work. You should just get better at it."
If you think I owe you an un apology, just let me know.
Showing posts with label Larry Bodine. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Larry Bodine. Show all posts
Tuesday, March 17, 2009
Tuesday, March 10, 2009
Larry Bodine is a Marketing Goon
So I get this unsolicited email from this guy Larry Bodine about Avvo. Avvo may be the greatest thing for lawyers since the invention of a laptop. (Full Disclosure: I have no interest in Avvo, financial or otherwise.) However, Larry Bovine says that Avvo has no credibility. This is coming from a guy who is a "marketing consultant."
Stein's Dictionary - consultant - n - one who tells others how to do what he cannot do. Usage: That consultant is telling me how to run my law practice when he doesn't even know how to run a law practice.
So, since Larry wants to tell us why Avvo has no credibility, here is my top 10 list of reasons why Bodiner has no credibility:
10. He charges attorneys for access to an email marketing list. Yes, and he calls it successful. I guess it is successful if you measure success by putting money in his pocket. I run two marketing lists for attorneys that are FREE! Yes, mine are FREE and have access to some of the smartest marketing folks in the country.
9. Bodine is not on my marketing lists. When I say my, I mean I am just the dufus who took on the responsibility of running the list. I have no ownership interest in it. It is, like Mt. Everest, there.
8. Bodine has a picture that makes me think "1984." No, not the movie. Look at the dude's picture on his website. If the feathered hair does not tell you that he is stuck in the 80s, then the collar on his shirt does!
7. Apollo Business Development? Isn't Apollo from the 60s? Or did the Apollo theater give him the idea? Oh wait, that is not around either. Is there anything still around called Apollo? Anything? Bueller?
6. He was named "Technolawyer Legal Technology Consultant of the Year." Isn't that like being named Head Dungeon Master of the Year? Or maybe it is "Longest Title of the Year Winner of a Contest Sponsored by a Company who Wants Their Name in the Title of the Award and gave it to the Winner of the Company Named Award?" Just wondering.
5. He "conducts market assessments?" The key to this is closely reading the first three letters of the last word in quotes. Isn't that a bit like making an assumption? Here is a market assessment: consumers use Avvo. Thus, attorneys should use Avvo. Dang it - now I gave it away for free. You all owe me $15,000 for my market assessment. Make checks payable to "Thank Goodness I don't call myself a business development advisor or I would shoot myself."
4. He uses the word "Rainmaker" in a sentence when not quoting from John Grisham. Really, does anyone use the word "Rainmaker" if you are a real conversation? Do normal people use that word? Of course not. Heck, most attorneys do not use it.
3. He quotes from an article with a guy who wants to sue someone - immediately. Okay, I understand there is a time and place to sue people. After all, it is what I do. But, I try to resolve disputes in a friendly way first. The guy who BVDine quotes starts with talking about suing people. Sheesh. Don't we have enough lawsuits? (Oh, memo to attorney who wants to sue Avvo: if you have been disciplined, even if you have "resolved it," the public has a right to know.)
2. He has no idea what most of the lawyers in this country do yet professes to tell us. Look, he has consulted with 3,000 attorney firms down to 25 member "boutique" firms. Great for all of those people with money to throw away. Voipdine apparently does not realize that most attorneys in this country are solo and small firm practitioners. That means 5 attorneys and under. Yet, he, who has never worked with us based on his own website, is going to tell us that a tool that a lot of use and like has no credibility? Isn't that like me telling George Clooney how to play Danny Ocean in Ocean's 14?
1. He is jealous. He is just upset that he did not come up with this first. How can you tell? Because he thinks people care what he thinks. He thinks it is important to tell people HIS opinion. Dude, your opinion isn't worth the paper it is written on. Oh wait, you are too cool to write. I am sure you dictate. It is not worth the MP3 file it is saved in.
I feel better now.
EDIT: Bonus Coverage: This is like watching March Madness and then there is a close game somewhere else and they cut away:
0. Bodine feels Americans are lazy. Per Bovine's blog: "America needs to wake up and stop being lazy...." Really? We do. Hey Lar, can I call you Lar?, come spend a day with my laziness. I am sure you will find that I am just a lazy bum. I prefer you come on a Friday - sparring day! But, you could come on a day like today where I worked all day and then went and taught taekwondo lessons. I am sure I am lazy. I know, I am the exception, not the rule? Right. If you think we are lazy, go find your clients elsewhere.
-1. Bodine frequently finds use of the N word funny. No, not that N word. The N word that describes Hitler's regime. Apparently, there is some joke he found about Bush Bimbo, er, Limbaugh, and Nazis. Of course, he also thinks the best elevator speech ever answers the question of what you do for a living with "I am a Nazi medical researcher." Really? That's funny. I know, Bopuke is going to say that he has Jewish blood in him. Oh, by the way, there is no such thing as "Jewish blood." It is a religion - not a nationality. But it is not funny. Never. Ever. If you think that is funny you are a bigger moron than the douche who questioned by parenting skills while going in to a tanning salon!
I believe the consensus is in: Larry Bodine is to lawyers like Scott Boras is to baseball agents - he thinks he is better than he is and most of the people he works with cannot stand him.
Stein's Dictionary - consultant - n - one who tells others how to do what he cannot do. Usage: That consultant is telling me how to run my law practice when he doesn't even know how to run a law practice.
So, since Larry wants to tell us why Avvo has no credibility, here is my top 10 list of reasons why Bodiner has no credibility:
10. He charges attorneys for access to an email marketing list. Yes, and he calls it successful. I guess it is successful if you measure success by putting money in his pocket. I run two marketing lists for attorneys that are FREE! Yes, mine are FREE and have access to some of the smartest marketing folks in the country.
9. Bodine is not on my marketing lists. When I say my, I mean I am just the dufus who took on the responsibility of running the list. I have no ownership interest in it. It is, like Mt. Everest, there.
8. Bodine has a picture that makes me think "1984." No, not the movie. Look at the dude's picture on his website. If the feathered hair does not tell you that he is stuck in the 80s, then the collar on his shirt does!
7. Apollo Business Development? Isn't Apollo from the 60s? Or did the Apollo theater give him the idea? Oh wait, that is not around either. Is there anything still around called Apollo? Anything? Bueller?
6. He was named "Technolawyer Legal Technology Consultant of the Year." Isn't that like being named Head Dungeon Master of the Year? Or maybe it is "Longest Title of the Year Winner of a Contest Sponsored by a Company who Wants Their Name in the Title of the Award and gave it to the Winner of the Company Named Award?" Just wondering.
5. He "conducts market assessments?" The key to this is closely reading the first three letters of the last word in quotes. Isn't that a bit like making an assumption? Here is a market assessment: consumers use Avvo. Thus, attorneys should use Avvo. Dang it - now I gave it away for free. You all owe me $15,000 for my market assessment. Make checks payable to "Thank Goodness I don't call myself a business development advisor or I would shoot myself."
4. He uses the word "Rainmaker" in a sentence when not quoting from John Grisham. Really, does anyone use the word "Rainmaker" if you are a real conversation? Do normal people use that word? Of course not. Heck, most attorneys do not use it.
3. He quotes from an article with a guy who wants to sue someone - immediately. Okay, I understand there is a time and place to sue people. After all, it is what I do. But, I try to resolve disputes in a friendly way first. The guy who BVDine quotes starts with talking about suing people. Sheesh. Don't we have enough lawsuits? (Oh, memo to attorney who wants to sue Avvo: if you have been disciplined, even if you have "resolved it," the public has a right to know.)
2. He has no idea what most of the lawyers in this country do yet professes to tell us. Look, he has consulted with 3,000 attorney firms down to 25 member "boutique" firms. Great for all of those people with money to throw away. Voipdine apparently does not realize that most attorneys in this country are solo and small firm practitioners. That means 5 attorneys and under. Yet, he, who has never worked with us based on his own website, is going to tell us that a tool that a lot of use and like has no credibility? Isn't that like me telling George Clooney how to play Danny Ocean in Ocean's 14?
1. He is jealous. He is just upset that he did not come up with this first. How can you tell? Because he thinks people care what he thinks. He thinks it is important to tell people HIS opinion. Dude, your opinion isn't worth the paper it is written on. Oh wait, you are too cool to write. I am sure you dictate. It is not worth the MP3 file it is saved in.
I feel better now.
EDIT: Bonus Coverage: This is like watching March Madness and then there is a close game somewhere else and they cut away:
0. Bodine feels Americans are lazy. Per Bovine's blog: "America needs to wake up and stop being lazy...." Really? We do. Hey Lar, can I call you Lar?, come spend a day with my laziness. I am sure you will find that I am just a lazy bum. I prefer you come on a Friday - sparring day! But, you could come on a day like today where I worked all day and then went and taught taekwondo lessons. I am sure I am lazy. I know, I am the exception, not the rule? Right. If you think we are lazy, go find your clients elsewhere.
-1. Bodine frequently finds use of the N word funny. No, not that N word. The N word that describes Hitler's regime. Apparently, there is some joke he found about Bush Bimbo, er, Limbaugh, and Nazis. Of course, he also thinks the best elevator speech ever answers the question of what you do for a living with "I am a Nazi medical researcher." Really? That's funny. I know, Bopuke is going to say that he has Jewish blood in him. Oh, by the way, there is no such thing as "Jewish blood." It is a religion - not a nationality. But it is not funny. Never. Ever. If you think that is funny you are a bigger moron than the douche who questioned by parenting skills while going in to a tanning salon!
I believe the consensus is in: Larry Bodine is to lawyers like Scott Boras is to baseball agents - he thinks he is better than he is and most of the people he works with cannot stand him.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)