The Worst Sales Call Ever

So I just received the worst sales call ever. The company shall remain nameless for now. So, the company has a website. I would call them an aggregator. Basically, they take results from Google, Yahoo, and MSN and put it all on their website. (Does anyone really use MSN anymore? Is it actually still a website.) So, the pitch is that I should advertise with them. Fair enough start, right?

He calls me up and tells me about his website. He gives me the URL. I go look at it and he starts telling me about how great the website is. I ask how many hits they get. He tells me the hits are up 200% in the last two weeks. Great. How many hits do they get? Well, it is up to 45,000. Okay, those are good numbers. How many are in California, since I can only represent people in California? He does not know. Apparently, they do not track it. Still no complaints so far.

He then asks me what my marketing budget is. I tell him it is nothing. He asks me what my SEO budget is. I again tell him nothing. He asks who does my SEO. I tell him no one. He asks if I do it. I say no. He is baffled, at this point.

Then he asks me to do a search on their website. Okay, so I am busy right now, but not too busy to spend a few minutes looking at this. Maybe it is the next Google. So I do the search. He starts telling me about how I can pay to have the first result on the search. Great, except I come up first. OOPS! So, he tells me to click the next button. I do and guess what? I come up first. So he tells me to click the 3rd button. I do. Oh, and I come up first again.

He then decides to do the search. He does it and sees the same results. He asks me if I would like to pay to be the first result. Um, I already am. He starts in to his spiel some more. I explain to him that I do not need this because I am one of the best at what I do. (DISCLAIMER: A national magazine said it - not me! I am just repeating it.) He tells me how I could get so many more clients if I use his service. I explain that I do not need that. He asks me why. I tell him again that I am one ofthe best at what I do. He tells me I still need him so I can get more clients and I should pay for those clients. UGH!

I then explain to him that this was the worst sales call ever. I hang up.

End of story.......

Oh wait, 10 minutes later he calls back and leaves me a voice mail message. Now, this is where I do not mind telling you that the company name rhymes with PeapDish (replace the first P with an L and the D with a F). His message: "Mr. XXX, I understand you think you are one of the best at what you do. I went online and read some of your articles and I disagree. I do not think you are. You are good, but I do not think you are the best. Your articles are not that good."

Excuse me? Some guy who apparently cannot sell fire to people in the dark and cold or water to the thirsty is going to argue with me over my credentials. Someone has hit too much of the rock, apparently.

By the way, memo to PeapDish: get a better sales team or those 45,000 hits are going to turn into zero when you close down.