Doh Fargo and Bank of Dohmerica

I know we are in a recession. And it is bad. But apparently it is really bad at the banks. No, not the banks that failed. The banks that are still around.

1. Wells Fargo - I will ignore the fact that the average IQ there is less than Kate's from Jon and Kate. I will ignore the fact that the company made like a billion dollars last year. I will ignore the fact that they denied a short sale because they did not have a pre-qualification letter on 1 offer. There were 6 offers. They were missing 1 page on 1 offer. There were 5 perfectly fine offers including one for cash. I will also ignore that they turned down a loan modification because the bank decided it was not in the bank's best interest. Apparently, foreclosing is in their best interest. Let me get to my real problems with them.

I go in to the bank the other day. There is a banker there to greet me. And greet me she does. And then she follows me. Hovers, really. Very close. Very, very close. Not talking to me, just hovering. I felt like I was the hoverround and she was one of the creepy old people in the commercial. It was a bit scary.

Then I get up to the window. Dude has his nametag on - crooked. Yes, it was crooked. I mean, I know its not a big deal, but if I am giving you money, I would at least like a straight nametag. But, it is worse. He has his collar unbuttoned and his tie coming down. Really? Is that the look that says "Give me your money. Trust me. I will take care of it." No, that is a bad tv look that real men never use. Ever. I have never, ever walked around with my collar unbuttoned and my tie coming down. Well, if you count that 30 seconds when I am getting dressed or undressed, the tie isn't all the way up, but otherwise my tie is on my neck!

Yeah, Wells Fargo, lets start doing some loan modifications and helping people out. And lets put our employees in some clothes that make them look a bit more professional.

2. B of A - Bank of America or Bank of A-what-was-that? (Get it, they both start with "A") These folks are amazing. First, they buy up Countrywide and their horrible loans. Then, they decide to try to be good guys. How?

They have a new ad campaign. Starting now, we are going to make things easy to understand. Starting now, we are going to explain things. Really? Starting now? What about all of those years before? Were you not explaining things? Were you making it complicated intentionally? Is this like when food suddenly "tastes better?" Did it taste like crap before? Were you giving us dog food or puppy chow instead of good food? Now, Bank of America wants to explain things. Awfully nice, but aren't you the folks who put us in a freaking recession in the first place? A bit late, eh? Starting now, how about you bank executives stop taking millions of dollars in salary and help out the country a bit?

And now they send out these welcome packets. Not just any welcome packets, but these full color, nicely laid out, expensive looking welcome packets. They want to explain everything. And they do it twice - once in a booklet and once in a handy card. I guess they think you are going to take the card with you. Maybe drop it in your purse and bring it with you when you are sitting at the doctor's office. Are you supposed to pass them out to your friends? What the heck are you supposed to do with it? Oh I know, its just another effort by them to not look like the rip off artists that they are!

Memo to banks: spend a bit on helping us and actually help. Stop trying to look like nice guys and actually be nice guys!
welcome packets