ServicestoLawyers Part II

These folks are not that bright. No wait, that is being mean to people who are not that bright. These folks are dumb. No wait, that is not nice to people who are dumb. These people are moronic idiots who can't figure out 2 + 2 if you tell them the answer is 4. That's better.

When I say ambulance chaser, that would be above what this Jesse Levine does. He sends out spam to attorneys saying he has "pearl shucked" cases. From his most recent email to me:

THIS WILL BE A "BIG- ONE"

SERVICESTOLAWYERS CAN PROVIDE "PEARL-SHUCKED" LEADS TO BEGIN FILLING YOUR CASE PIPELINE IN JUST 3-5 DAYS

Now, ignore for a second that I have asked him repeatedly to stop emailing me. I have told him to remove me from his list. Let us ignore that for now.

First, what the hell is pearl shucked? Does that mean he takes the good ones and gives you the ones that were shucked and had crap in them? I don't get it. Seriously. In all of my years as an attorney and an insurance adjuster, I have never heard that expression. It doesn't mean anything. It is just his BS way of trying to sound cool. It doesn't make you cool Jesse Levine, it makes you a moron. A moron who clearly can't come up with anything that makes sense.

Second, this is sick. Just sick. The FDA has 23 reported cases. These folks are going to start a marketing campaign to try to get people to report something. Look, either there is a case or there isn't. You cannot manufacture cases. You cannot find something that doesn't exist. The folks who come forward now claiming that they have problems are looking for money. As an attorney, and a personal injury attorney, that makes me very sick.

Third, these folks are like Veruca in Willy Wonka. Veruca wanted the golden egg. Turned out she was a bad egg. This guy is always looking for the golden egg. You know where the golden egg is? It is somewhere near "I work my butt off" and "I do the right thing." It is nowhere near this guy trying to find cases. Break out a little class once in a while, Uncle Jesse. And trust me, you are so not cool enough to get the hot Rebecca. Maybe you get the drug induced Stephanie, but that is about it with your pearl shucking BS and your lame spam marketing.

Jesse - word to the wise: Stop spamming me. I am now looking for an attorney to sue this SOB. If you would like to sue him for me, please let me know. I really don't want the money. Just one less spammer in the world is a good thing. And yes, I am serious.