The ABA or the NAFTABA

Okay, it is not often that I publicly rant.........about groups to which I belong. But, I am quitting the ABA so I don't mind explaining to the world (or the 4 readers that I have) why this organization is an outdated, useless, ridiculous, ill fated, poorly run, poorly conceived organization. Well, at least I will explain why I am ticked off - this time.

So, let's start with the basics. The ABA, or American Bar Association, isn't a real bar association. Er, I mean, it is a voluntary bar association. In other words, to practice law in California, I have to be a member of the California bar. It is required. However, the ABA is something I can join - if I want to. Why I wanted to is beyond me.

So the ABA is supposed to be the AMERICAN bar association. And they have regular meetings. And they have groups. They have more groups than Carter had little liver pills. Fine, most of my readers don't get that. So, they have more groups than the former Gladiators on American Gladiators had roids. (I mean the old school American Gladiators, not the new NBC show that was so bad I made it all of 5 minutes.) They have the Family Law group, the insurance law group, the insurance for family law issues group, the tax group, the tax insurance group, the tax insurance and family law group. Well, you get the point.

They also have the GP Solo group. This is their homage to sole practitioners, who make up the majority of lawyers in this country. They mix us in with general practitioners. It is like mixing tacos and cookies. No matter how you try it - YUCK! But, they do it since apparently solos are not cool enough to get their own group. Oh no, wait. That is not it. Solos do not pay off, er, buy off, er, donate enough money to get their own group. Sorry. You could see how I would get confused on that.

Anyway, the GP Solo group had its annual meeting scheduled for Mexico. Now, last time I checked, Mexico is not in America. It is not part of America. It is not the 51st state, nor the 52nd for that matter. It is a country. A country with a very different legal system then the US. We have our system, they have corruption. But, the GP Solo, in its infinite wisdom, decided to have a meeting in Mexico. WTF? Mexico? Really? You couldn't find a place in all 50 states to have it. I mean, there is NYC - my favorite city in the world. You could have it in Hawaii if you want something relaxing. Maybe break out a trip to Miami Beach for the parties. Alaska would be good for hunting. Heck, have it in Alabama and have a discussion panel on marrying relatives. You see my point? All of these options and they chose freaking Mexico. Huh? Why? Oh, I know so they could cancel it over the freaking swine flu fake crisis. I know, it wasn't fake. We just don't hear about it anymore. Nice choice ABA.

So, then the ABA has this thing called Solosez. Google it. I am not making it up. Honest. Look it up. They have have a website, solosez.net. Apparently, it took a lot for the ABA to come up with that website name since these folks weren't smart enough to get ABA.net for their website. Nope, not even ABA.org. They have abanet.org. What the hell does that mean? ABANET? Is that a combination of the New Jersey basketball team and the ABA? Is it what happens when the ABA folks fall into nets? One can only wish.

So, solosez is an email list. It has 4,000 attorneys. And one of the rules is no commercial solicitations. In other words, I cannot go on and say "Buy my product." It has been a rule since day 1. But, apparently, GP Solo has changed their mind. You can now solicit. But, you can only do it if you buy off the GP Solo division. Er, I mean, if you have a strategic relationship. I mean, what the hell is a strategic relationship? It means you gave a lot of money to the ABA and they will allow you to market to 4,000 people by yourself. I guess is makes sense for the ABA, but it really doesn't serve the members. Oh wait, you see solosez is for small firm attorneys and solo practitioners. Those are the folks the ABA doesn't care about in the first place.

So, this guy TP management, I think that is the company name, has one of these relations with the ABA. (Wait, I don't mean to imply that TP and ABA are having relations. After all, TP doesn't have enough money to make ABA give up its current marriage to big law firms who think their **** doesn't stink.) But, TP gets to advertise to all of solosez. And if you complain you get the "Jon Treatment." Yes you get banned from solosez. Absolutely freaking amazing. So, basically, for a large sum of money or favors (and yes, I mean those favors, although I do not mean to imply that TP gave those favors, only that ONE could in theory give those favors), you are entitled to post 5 times per day and tell people to buy your crappy product.

And the best part is that TP's emails are like listening to a tout service. Oh, don't sit there and pretend that you have never listened to a tout service. You know you have. Everyone has. I do it during football season. Driving around, you put on sports talk radio and you hear some hack starting in "I have a documented 90% win rate. This is DOCUMENTED. I mean, I CAN PROVE IT. I win more times than the POPE WOULD WIN IF HE COULD PICK GAMES. If you gave me $500 last weekend, you would have $25,000 today. WIN WIN WIN WIN WIN! Buy now! Call me at 800-I AM A BAD TOUT SERVICE."

So, TP sends out emails like this. And he gets to do it. I mean, the fix is not in, it is already done. I must admit that TP (and stop thinking I am thinking about toilet paper usage every time I write this) has at least figured out a way to make money. I guess everyone has to have some talent and his is figuring out that paying money to the hacks in charge of the ABA would get him the right to advertise to a group that no one else could advertise to.

So, ABA - give me my money back. You defrauded me. You ripped me off. You can't even help our country in the middle of the worst recession since the Great Depression. You schedule a meeting for outside of our country. And who does that help except the rich big firm lawyers? You then sell out to some hack. SELL OUT! It is a shame. I want my money back. NOW!