Lawyers and Being a Lawyer

Okay, a few things I have to get off my chest. It has been a long two days of being a lawyer. Now, you non-lawyers don't make fun. That is like 2 weeks in normal living. In fact, when I am not working, I actually get younger because I don't have to deal with this nonsense.

1. Rhyming ads - WTF? Seriously, are we in 6th grade English learning to write poems. I mean, we could do the Haiku:

Practicing law
You should call our law firm first
We are the greatest

Or maybe we can break out a limerick:

There once was a lawyer in Roseville,
His members were so short they took a pill,
They saw everything blue instead of green,
And they stole potential clients claiming other lawyers were mean.

Or how about Roses are Red:

Roses are red,
Violets are blue,
I have a family to be fed,
And I will beat up other attorneys with Kung fu.

I mean, seriously, there are law firms that try this. There is a law firm here with a three line rhyming ad.

For the best advice,
Please dont eat mice,
We can get money from rice.

Okay, so maybe it is not that bad, but it might as well be. These guys rhyme! Like 6th graders. No, wait, 6th graders would do a better job. Maybe something like this:

We have only been investigated by the FBI once,
We are as tall as runts,
And people think we are BLEEP! (Sorry, that was inappropriate!)

I mean, they think its a good ad. And everyone in town laughs at them. But they won't change it. Unfreakingbelievable.

2. Blawgtweet - Okay, disclaimer, I know the guy who uses twitter as @blawgtweet and he is a friend of mine. That being said, and he knows I feel this way, @blawgtweet? Really? Let's break it down.

Blawg? What is a blawg? I know, it is a blog about law. I guess I should write the Calawifornia Law Blawg. Or maybe the Lawsiana Law Blawg. Or how about Lawrry's Lawctating Law Blawg, a blog from Larry about lactation law. Blawg sounds like what you do when you have drunk too much and you are worshiping the porcelain thrown. Not that I have ever experienced that on New Year's Eve, but it is what I have heard.

And tweet? Tweet? It sounds like where you milk a cow. Happy cows come from California and their tweets aren't pulled too hard. Er, sorry. I mean, I think Pamela Anderson had some really big tweets. Dang it, not that either.

But, really, blawgtweet? ARGH! It hurts my eyes to just look at that word. It is my goal between now and 2010 to ban the word blawg from the English language. I mean, next we are going to start spelling centre, colour, Kalifornia, Rut Beer, and my house will have ruuf!

3. Morons - The legal profession seems to have more than its fair share of these. Just because you graduated from law school does not mean you are smart. It does not mean that you have any clue as to what goes on in the world. And if you went to a big fancy law school, it really doesn't mean you are smarter than anyone else. It usually just means that mom and dad had some money to grease some palms. And yes, I am talking about you Ralph Malph. You know who you are. Stop it. People have lives outside of the law. People have other things more important than litigation. People don't care about you and your garbage litigation. Let people live their lives and then they can provide you with what you think you need.

Oh, and did I mention that just because you went to law school does not mean you are smarter than anyone else? Because you are not. Really. I promise.