The loss of common courtesy

If you are reading this, you probably know what I do for a living. But if you don't, I practice law. There is some joke that they call it the practice of law because we are always learning. Something like that. I probably blew that. That's okay. It was never that funny to begin with.

Anyway, I received a letter yesterday and I thought to myself "Hmmmm............that is not professional." But then I talked to people about it. I realized its not that it was not professional. It was definitely not professional. But that was not the problem with it. The problem was that there was no common courtesy. You see, here is the phone call that preceded this letter:

Them:
Me:
Them:
Me:
Them:
Me:

You did not misread that. That was not me losing the ability to write. That was the actual phone call. Wait, that's right. THEY NEVER CALLED ME!

Look, the world is a complicated place. Technology makes it too easy for us to text or email or kik or snapchat or whatever with other people. If you want something, do you know the easiest way to get it? This is going to come as a surprise................you should call them.

Yes, that thing that is plugged in on your desk that has numbers 0-9 and a handset? That is called a telephone. If you pick up that handset looking thingy, and you press either 7 or 10 numbers (technically, 11), and you hear this ringing sound. Then, either someone picks up the other telephone or it goes to this voice mail invention.

You see, you then get to have a conversation with someone. You talk. You work out issues. You resolve disputes. You make plans. You may even make a friend. It should not be rocket science to do this, especially if you think you are smart.

If I am smart enough to use a phone and you think you are smarter than me, than you should be smart enough to use a phone. If you can't, don't blame your generation. Don't blame your age. Blame your parents for not teaching you how to be courteous and how to interact with other people.

Is it really that hard? 

Its the freaking holidays

I don't know if anyone knows this, but its the holiday season. Yes, it is. It started on Thursday. Well, Friday for most people. Thursday, if you want to be technical. Or, for some whackjobs, November 1. Yes, some people think the holidays start the day after Halloween. Newsflash: they dont!

What is the holiday season? Is it a time to give thanks for all we have in the world? Is it a time to reflect on how lucky we are? Is it a time to pull our loved ones close, squeeze them and tell them we love them? I would say yes..............

Unfortunately, the world is full of morons and idiots. Do you know what these people think the holidays are: a time for buying every freaking thing on sale as cheaply and rudely as possible. How do I know this? Because I watch these arses do this every year.

I went to Target tonight. What did I see? Exhibit A: a lady was looking at some toy or some such nonsense. She grabbed said toy and let her 3 or 4 year old daughter take every freaking gift bag off of the shelf and put it on the floor. All of them. I couldn't get through the aisle. So she looks at her daughter as I stand there, says "no" and then moves the gift bags to the side. That's right. She doesn't put them away!

Exhibit B: some lady wanted some garbage "present." It wasn't there. Yes, surprisingly, stores run out of crap, especially cheap crap. What does she do? She yells about it. At some poor guy making $10 per hour who can barely figure out why he is being yelled at.

Exhibit C: drive through any parking lot and watch these people fight over parking spaces so they can be the closest one to the store. Why? So they can carry out bags and bags of "gifts" and not have to walk too far. Hey, a little walk may do you some good.

I am sick and tired of this stuff. Look, I don't know what holiday you celebrate but it is probably Hanukkah or Christmas or Kwanzaa. Lets just say that is a good guess. Hanukkah is the festival of lights. Its not the festival of gifts. Christmas is the celebration of the birth of Christ. (Maybe that is a simplistic explanation, but its not my holiday.) It is not the celebration of the birth of Black Friday or Cyber Monday or Suck it Wednesday. Kwanzaa is a celebration of African American culture. It is not the celebration of African American gift giving.

Look, I get that getting a present is cool. It can be fun. I like getting presents as much as the next guy. But you don't have to be a douche when you are buying a gift. You can be polite. Imagine if we all stopped for 2 minutes and were nice to the moron buying the 16 whatachmacallits because he thinks they will be the hot toy and he can resell them on Craigslist or eBay and make money. Imagine if we didn't have to push people out of our way to get to some gift or we didn't have to fight over parking spaces.

Imagine, if you will, that we celebrated the spirit of the holidays, instead of the gift giving of the holidays..............

An Ode To Tyler

My son Tyler is one amazing kid. He doesn't even know it. But he is. He is 14 and he has many "issues," but the kid is one amazing kid.

Thursday was Thanksgiving. It is one of my favorite holidays. Its a day to give thanks for all of the things we have in life. And, sadly, its one of the few days that people stop and give thanks. I like it.

For us, it was a day we got to spend with Tyler. We haven't spent Thanksgiving with Tyler in 3 years. So it was a special day. Tyler came and was such a good kid on Thursday.

And you know what? I wasn't happy with Thanksgiving. I had a million reasons to complain. I didn't like this or that or the other thing. And I was wrong. Dang it, its hard to admit when I am wrong, but it happens quite a bit!

You see, Tyler reminded me, when I thought about it, that Thanksgiving isn't about the food or the company or anything else. Thanksgiving is about giving thanks and being with family. It doesn't matter what was wrong with Thursday. What matters is what was right with Thursday.

The turkey wasn't perfect? Who cares? Shopping isn't the point. Getting up early (or going to bed late) isnt the point. The point is that I get to hang out with my son, go for a walk with him and generally be a goof ball. The rest of it: not important at all.

So thanks Tyler, for reminding me about Thanksgiving. You always teach me something new!

What do I stand for?

So maybe it was too much weird music in the car. Maybe it was work today. Maybe it has just been a crappy few days. Either way, between fun and Katy Perry, it had me thinking. (Don't judge my music. Its better than 40 cent or Jay Q or NandN.) Anyway, I was thinking, what do I stand for?

Okay, for those of you who don't get it. The lyrics to Some Nights by fun include "What do I stand for? Most nights, I don't know anymore." The lyrics to Roar by Katy Perry include "I stood for nothing, so I fell for everything." Hence, the theme, if you are not up on your current music.

I thought and I thought. What do I stand for?

My family. Sometimes they bug me. Sometimes they annoy me. Sometimes they drive me crazy. But I always love them. My mom used to tell me that she always loved me, but she didn't always like me. I get it now. I always love my family, even if they drive me crazy sometimes. (I also get why I drove my mom to drink, or at least why she said it. She is looking down at me from heaven and laughing at me now. "You fool. You should have more liquor around!")

Beyond that, I wonder. I know when I introduce myself to people, it goes something like this. I am a husband. I am a father. (Hence, I know I stand for family.) I am a friend. I am a soccer player. I am a guy who tries to do the right thing. Somewhere after 8 or 9 things, I may mention I am an attorney. I don't know what that says about me, but I am sure it says something. 

So, what do I stand for? Hmmmm.............Here are 10 things I stand for.

1. I believe in truth, justice and the American Way. I just don't believe we get it. Look, I don't know what justice is always, but sometimes I know it and I don't see it. Sometimes it just isn't there. Maybe I am naive. But I think we should always aim for justice.

2. I will only fight if you hurt my wife, hurt my kids, or if its necessary to protect myself. I will not start a fight. I will not fight you because you question my manhood. My manhood has nothing to do with my ability to kick your ass. My ability to throw a punch hasn't been questioned since 1986. I am not going to do it simply to show you I can do it.

3. A real man will step up and do what is right for his family, even if it is not best for him. I fully believe a man will do something to protect his wife and kids, regardless of the personal consequences. Trust me on this.

4. The punishment should fit the crime, but it usually doesnt. I see it all the time. Two people who do the same thing get two different outcomes. I don't like it, but it is the way things work.

5. Those people in power will do what is best for them to keep their power, even if it means that they have to bend or break the rules. Look, if you enforce the rules, you have the ability to bend and/or break the rules with no consequence. So you do it. Its wrong, but it doesn't matter if you never get called on it.

6. People can be really good, but a lot of people are too self absorbed to do good. I think when we come together as a community, as a country, as a world, we can accomplish a lot of good. But see 5. People in power don't always want to do what is good or right, but rather what keeps their power. If people would spend 5 minutes every day doing something nice for someone else just because, the world would be a better place.

7. My heroes will always be my heroes. Yep, my dad will always be the ideal that I will try to live up to. I will fail, miserably. But I will try. Muhammad Ali, Bear Bryant, Werner Roth, Pele, these men can do no wrong in my eyes. Sure, they may do wrong, but they will always be my heroes. Little boys (and girls) need heroes.

8. I will always protect my daughter more than my sons. Yep, its sexist. Yep, its wrong. Yep, its me. She knows, now at the delicate age of 4, that I will always catch her - even metaphorically. My boys will fall more. I don't know why, but this is my way.

9. I believe everyone gets a chance. Everyone gets a 2nd chance. Some people deserve a third chance. Maybe I am dumb for believing that the best in people will shine through, but I do. I think if we give them a chance, a real chance, they will surprise you.

10.  I will always try. I don't care if its work or play or what. I will not quit. Its not who I am. I could spar for 19 rounds. I have played soccer sick. I have played hurt. I have worked when I was sick or sad. I will always do it. And I will not give up.

So there it is. 10 things I stand for. I hold these things to be true................

Morons, I say, morons

I love Elk Grove. Its a great place to raise a family. How do I love thee? Let me count the ways. We have the best schools around. Period. We have a great parks and rec district. We have two swimming centers, parks galore, a father daughter dance that rocks. We come together as a community regularly. We help each other. We look out for each other.

That being said, we are run by morons. Morons, I say, morons. How do I know this? Read this from two years ago: http://randomrants08.blogspot.com/2011/12/mls-in-elk-grove-i-think-not.html or this from last year: http://randomrants08.blogspot.com/2012/06/elk-grove-city-council.html Okay, if that doesn't convince you of this, then let me explain a few more things.

Do you know who is getting the next MLS team? Not Elk Grove. Why not? Because Elk Grove doesn't freaking listen. Not just to me, but to MLS. Orlando is getting the next MLS team. Why? Because Orlando deserves it. How do I know? Because Orlando has supported minor league soccer for years. Orlando has shown it is a great soccer city. So, MLS is going to reward Orlando. The moral of the story: if you want to play with the big boys, follow the fucking rules, you morons.

But, wait, there's more. From the Sacramento Bee: http://www.sacbee.com/2013/08/06/5625720/elk-groves-proposed-water-park.html Okay, fine, you don't want to read that. They want to build a $45 million water park and start it with $14 million in public funds. From the story: "It's time for Elk Grove to be on the map and be a destination for tourism," Mayor Gary Davis said.

Wait, a second. Stop the presses. Elk Grove needs to be on the map? Seriously? I checked. Elk Grove is on the map: http://mapq.st/18UxhxG Really, it is. It is on the map. I know because I read it on the internet so it must be true.

Oh wait. He didn't mean literally. Sorry, its hard to tell with these politicians. How do you know when a politician is lying? His mouth is moving!

So he wants us to be on THE MAP, as in, a place that people know and want to come to. Who the hell wants this beside him? Oh, I forgot, he has vision, I don't. Yes, I have been told that. I don't have vision. Of course, my eye doctor, the best in Sacramento, would disagree with that. They checked. I see just fine - with my glasses on.

You see, Elk Grove is not a destination. Never has been. Never will be. It doesn't need to be. Its not why we moved here. People moved here because they like it as it is, a small town where you can still go to the grocery store and see friends. A place where everybody knows your name. You walk in and feel like Norm.

The only people who want something different are the fucking politicians. Why? Because they are politicians. They make sure their kids have jobs. They make sure they have money to run for another office. They make sure they have a legacy. That isn't what people want. People want what we have. A nice, quiet town that needs a few more white collar jobs where people can still know their neighbors.

So lets stop with this keep up with Orlando or Anaheim or whatever idiotic city Gary Davis thinks we should be so Gary Davis can think he is cool. Lets go back to being Elk Grove, a place where people move because we are friendly. Take your aquatic center and shove it up your fake MLS stadium and stick them both in your mall - that still isn't finished. Great job of getting nothing built, city council, because you don't know what real people want! 

Read more here: http://www.sacbee.com/2013/08/06/5625720/elk-groves-proposed-water-park.html#storylink=cpy

This, that and the other thing - oh, and two more things as well

Okay, so I was going to write something sad tonight. I was going to explain something or other. But I figured this would be a better use of my time. So I had a topic or five that was building up inside of me. I thought this would be a good time to get them off my chest.

1. Hummers and BMWs - no, not every Hummer and BMW. Wait, let me rephrase that. Not every BMW. But every Hummer.

Why do you drive like an asshole, Mr. Hummer driver? I have so many theories. Lets start with this: you bought a Hummer because you think it sounds like a euphemism for a blow job. Dude, its not. Let's just be clear. The only people who talk about hummers as blow jobs are boys in high school who get to school and say to their buddies "Dude, I got a hummer last night." Seriously, no one older than 17 calls it a hummer. So your alleged euphemism is a crock of crap. That's right - it is crock o'crap.

So, the other reason you bought a Hummer, speaking of hummers, is that you have a small member. Yes, I said it. You are Captain Tiny Dick. You had to break out the microscope to find it. So, how do you compensate? You bought the biggest freaking car they made and you drive it like crap. Of course. That is what everyone does when they can't get a hummer. They buy a Hummer. Heck, if Hummer still existed, then that would be a great tag line: "Can't get a hummer at home, come buy a Hummer from Hummer of Smallcockville." There is a reason they no longer make Hummers. Do you know what it is? All of the guys who are under 3" have already bought them. No one else would ever buy one. DUH!

Okay, so BMW drivers will get a pass tonight. Although, I still don't understand the appeal of a 1-series. I know. You want a BMW. So instead of busting your ass, saving up and buying a 3 series or a 5 series, you buy the piece of crap 1 series that costs as much as a Hyundai. Dude, you would be better off buying a Hyundai. Then you wouldn't look like a loser and you could afford the maintenance so your car doesn't fall to pieces. That would give you this: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=K-34Fdtg1dI (I know. I have used that video before. Deal with it.)

2. Thieves - okay. You are a jackass. You stole my kids' pumpkins. Do you know what you can do? You can kiss my white ass, you piece of crap. What kind of lowlife steals a kid's pumpkin? Seriously. How much of a loser do you have to be to do this? Seriously. In all of my life, even as a kid, I never stole anyone's pumpkins. This is just nonsense. If you need a pumpkin, ask me. I would buy one for you so you don't feel left out. If you are over 10 and you did this, you are a delinquent who should probably be sent to some island where you can't steal a little kid's pumpkin. Jackass.

3. Youth sports - look, I get we want to win. But, seriously, like this? First, stop recruiting kids to a rec team. From out of your area? Really? You need to win that badly. That is a freaking embarrassment to youth sports. You had to go and recruit kids from some place else to come play for you? Really? I can't even express how ridiculous that is. How about you learn to coach, you idiot? I mean, I know you can't kick a ball to save your life. But that doesn't mean you should bend the rules to win.

Speaking of winning, 9-0 is an appropriate final score? For who? Look, I have won games by a lot. And I have lost games by a lot. I would NEVER, EVER let my team win by that much. Ever. In fact, I have bent over backwards to keep games close. It doesn't have to be 2-0, but if you get up by 4, you stop scoring. Or you let them score.

Do you know who does this? People who have never won. Seriously. Think about it. If you are reading this and you have won at sports, would you ever let your team run up the score in a rec game of any sport? No. Why? Because you have felt the lows of losing and the highs of winning. You would never want to be "that guy" because you understand its about the kids.

But if you are a dickface who has run up the score in a recreational game, did you ever win at sports? NO! How do I know this? Because if you did, you would never run up the score on a team. You understand better. Seriously, I would like to take every soccer coach who runs up the score out to a field and let them play 1 v 1 with me. It would be less about how badly I beat them and more about how much I showed them about how much it sucks when you are outclassed. I may not be the best player, but I would whup any coach who runs up the score in a rec game. Fucking idiots who make kids feel bad.

4. Do what you know - can we all stick to what we know? I find it funny how many people know about something so that makes them an expert in everything. I know like 3 things. Total. I know soccer. I know how to talk. I know how to.................dang it, I know 2 things. So I stick to those two things. You don't see me out coaching baseball or basketball. You don't see me teaching sign language. Why?

Because people are supposed to stick with what they know. So you are a teacher? Great. That doesn't mean you know how to tell me how to parent my kid. I am glad you think you do, but teachers aren't always parents and parents aren't always teachers. So you teach, I will parent and we will get along fine.

And it isn't just teachers. A lot of people do this. I am glad you are so confident in what you do that you think you can be everything to everyone. You can't. So stop. Please?

5. Speaking of parenting, can we stop telling people how to parent their kids? You don't know my kids. I don't know your kids. I promise you I won't tell you how to parent your kids if you will shut the fuck up about how to parent my kids. I am not perfect. I am not even close to perfect. But I try. And isn't that all we ask? Try to do the best job you can do. But lets all butt out and let parents parent while we stop criticizing!

Okay, there. I said it. At least, for tonight. I am sure there will be more to come at some point - soon!

On making decisions...........

I was really trying to make October a positive month. I thought I could do it. I made it all of one day. It was literally like 24 hours. It started because I was in a bit of a funk. I didn't know what was wrong. I was talking to a guy I know and he helped. And then..................

Then I realized people suck. All people. I think its just inherent in human nature. Maybe that is too harsh. People are neither inherently good nor inherently bad. People are inherently interested in what is best for them. So people make decisions based on what they think is best for them. Secondary considerations do not matter.

It takes a person to make a conscious effort to stop and think "How might this affect someone else?" It takes more of an effort to think "How could this be a positive thing?" and "How could this be a negative thing?"

Think about it. It is almost lunch time. Most people are thinking "What do I want for lunch?" It is an easy question. It is also, by its nature, only about you. It is not about anyone else. Look at it again. It doesn't ask what does your coworker want for lunch. It asks simply what do you want for lunch.

Now, what you have for lunch, may be none of my business. It probably is none of my business. I get that. But, your decision could have an impact on other people. For example, what about Suzie, sitting in her cubicle? Has anyone asked what she wants for lunch? It may not be the act of having lunch with Suzie that makes a hill of beans of difference in her life. It may be the act of ASKING that makes a difference. Maybe Suzie is a bitch. Maybe she smells. Maybe she doesn't shower. And, maybe, just maybe, she couldn't afford to buy soap or her washing machine broke and she can't get to the laundromat. Maybe she feels bad and stays to herself because of it. And, maybe she just wants someone to invite her, even though she woudn't go.  So the fact that you don't ask, can have a negative impact on someone else. Do you HAVE to ask? Nope. Should you ask? Yep.

Of course, if you ask, maybe you find out that Suzie's husband is sick. Or her car broke down. Or her child is struggling in school. Maybe you find out something simple, like Suzie needs someone to cover her for an hour next Friday. And maybe that is something you can do. But you only find out if you ask because Suzie is too shy/embarrassed/whatever to ask.

Look, it doesn't take a rocket scientist to figure out that the world is a small place. It gets smaller with technology. 10 years ago, no one would read this. Hell, today no one is probably reading this. But, someone may stumble upon it. With Twitter and Facebook and Instagram and Pinterest and whatever else is out there, its easy for people to figure out what is going on in your life and for you to see what is going on in their lives.

So maybe now, more than ever, it would make the world a better place if we all stopped and thought "What about someone else?" Would it be nice if we did it with every decision? Probably, but that is also unrealistic. So, maybe we just start small, with one decision. Maybe we just think about our friends and family when we make decisions.

Or, as is more likely, maybe I am just full of some naive view of the world and no one will listen.