Before you read this, you should read this from August 1, 2011: http://randomrants08.blogspot.com/2011/08/my-hometown.html
Done? Good. Do you feel enlightened? Probably not. So let me enlighten some more.
No, Elk Grove does not have a gang problem. Are you idiots? A gang problem? Do you know what a gang problem is? Go look at the website for LAPD and click on Southeast. That, my friends, is a gang problem. Then go look at the crime map for Elk Grove. In my area, there were 4 freaking thefts. 4. Total. 12 in all of Elk Grove. Total. 12. Um, folks, there were more than 12 in a day in Southeast LA. They average 12 in a day. We have 12 in 14 days. Do the math.
Are there bad folks who live here? Yes. DUH! There are bad folks who live in Beverly Hills. Hell, in the rich area of LA, there were 43 crimes in the last week. 43 in a week. That would average out to 86 in 14 days. I am not a math person, but that is about 7 times more crime than we have. And don't tell me that there are one million people in the Beverly Hills area of LA. There just aren't. Hell, Beverly Hills itself only has 34,000 people or so.
So, lets put this to rest: there is no gang problem in Elk Grove. None. Not at all. Are there kids who think they are gangbangers? Sure. There are also idiots who want to stir up trouble, adults who think they are tough, douchebags who are racist and losers who make crap up. If you think there isnt a place in this great country of ours that doesnt have those people, I have a bridge to sell you. And maybe some swamp land!
Now, lets not pretend our city is perfect. Apparently, the city can't find it in the budget to buy some freaking blue light bulbs for Autism awareness month. Had I known money was so tight, I would have started by asking why we pay Bank of America $108,000 to manage our money. Maybe we could drop that by say $108,000. Seriously, why does a city pay $108,000 to a bank to manage our money? Here is an idea - the bank should pay us interest. Novel concept. But seriously, we couldn't come up with the money to put up a couple of stinking blue light bulbs? They could turn the Empire State Building blue and we couldn't put up blue lights at City Hall or Laguna Town Hall or some place like that? Dear Elk Grove, I got a couple of bucks for blue freaking lights next year. And I got a construction friend who will install them. Deal? Sincerely, Me
And then we have politicians. I won't lump them all together. But let me say this: if you come out to one of my events and shake my hand for a freaking picture, you sure as hell better remember me and when I put on the event next year, you should be the first person to sponsor it. Is that really asking for too much?
And if you want to bring professional sports to our fine city (read this: http://randomrants08.blogspot.com/2011/12/mls-in-elk-grove-i-think-not.html) then how about you support things that actually happen? You want to get professional soccer? Then support a soccer event - especially one that gets tweeted about my, say, professional soccer teams! I mean, I am not a genius on product development, marketing, etc... but I did grow up as the son of a guy who did that crap for a living. I learned a thing or two. You don't jump from nothing to the big time unless you show you can support the little things. It just doesn't happen in this day and age. So if you want to bring in something like MLS, then start by supporting a little soccer game that raises money and gets attention.
(Sure, its my game and its a bit self serving, but its not nearly as bad as what these folks do. I want to raise money for a good cause which will then show the powers that be that we support soccer. That in turn makes it easier to get them to support you. Its not rocket science folks.)
So there you have it. We are not utopia. But we are not some crime riddled city where people should flee to the safety of their bunkers. We are a nice town with some issues and politicians who can pay lawyers to fight over things, but not put up a couple of damn blue light bulbs.
Thursday, April 12, 2012
Tuesday, April 10, 2012
PETA, Orcas and courts, Oh My!
Okay, so this is a bit late for me to get to this, but I had to. I was going to go all depressing again, but I thought funny was better.
So, PETA filed suit in Federal court in San Diego. Was there some big problem with the food supply? NOPE! Was some racehorse being tortured? NOPE! There had to be some problem with the fisheries? NOPE - again! What was the problem, you ask? Orcas.
So, PETA, a group of HUMANS (or so they claim they are humans) filed suit on behalf of orcas, killer whales, if you will. The claim was that the orcas were being bothered by sonar from the US Navy. In the ocean. The open ocean. Where orcas live.
This is an actual transcript of how the initial meeting went:
PETA (P): How are you orcas doing?
ORCA (O): click click clack click
P: Oh really? That is not good. We have to put a stop to that.
O: click click cliiiick click.
P: How dare they? We need to stop this. It is an outrage!
O: cliiick claack click click claack click
P: No, we must put an end to this. Its just wrong.
O: cliiick, cliick, click, click, cliiiick.
(The Orca then swam away.)
Here is the Orca's version:
P: blah blah blah blah blah
O: What the hell are these idiots doing? I am a killer whale. As in, I KILL! Don't they know I can eat them.
P: blah blah blah blah blah
O: Maybe, I should just eat them. They probably taste pretty good.
P: blah blah blah
O: They smell funny. Its protein deficiency. These fools don't eat meat? They can't taste very good.
P: blah blah blah
O: What the hell? I have better things to do with my time, like swim. These folks are losers.
I talked to the orcas. Really, I did. I talk to orcas. I know orca. Its one of my many unknown talents. The orcas wished to release the following statement:
Dear PETA: You sued in court over something that happens in the open freaking ocean? You do understand that the court can't tell us or anyone else what to do in the ocean, right? You don't speak for us. In case you are unaware, we are meat eaters. You are anti-meat eaters. Why do you think WE want YOU to represent us? We would rather have Jeffrey Dahmer represent us. At least he understands the flavor of meat. (Okay, bad joke, but it was pretty funny.) Why do you think you speak for anyone other than the other crazy loons who send you money every year? By the way, you really want to help us, push some of those crazies over the side of the boat. We could use a little more human meat in our diets. In the future, if you think we want you to represent us, let us be perfectly clear: we don't want your help. If we have a problem, we have the tools to take care of it ourselves - its called our teeth."
So there you go. PETA filed suit for a group of whales who clearly didn't want the help. I am glad I could bring you this public service announcement. Please take any money you have earmarked for PETA and send it to me. I will make sure that the orcas get it. (They won't eat me. They tasted me once - I am a bit too obnoxious tasting even to orcas!)
So, PETA filed suit in Federal court in San Diego. Was there some big problem with the food supply? NOPE! Was some racehorse being tortured? NOPE! There had to be some problem with the fisheries? NOPE - again! What was the problem, you ask? Orcas.
So, PETA, a group of HUMANS (or so they claim they are humans) filed suit on behalf of orcas, killer whales, if you will. The claim was that the orcas were being bothered by sonar from the US Navy. In the ocean. The open ocean. Where orcas live.
This is an actual transcript of how the initial meeting went:
PETA (P): How are you orcas doing?
ORCA (O): click click clack click
P: Oh really? That is not good. We have to put a stop to that.
O: click click cliiiick click.
P: How dare they? We need to stop this. It is an outrage!
O: cliiick claack click click claack click
P: No, we must put an end to this. Its just wrong.
O: cliiick, cliick, click, click, cliiiick.
(The Orca then swam away.)
Here is the Orca's version:
P: blah blah blah blah blah
O: What the hell are these idiots doing? I am a killer whale. As in, I KILL! Don't they know I can eat them.
P: blah blah blah blah blah
O: Maybe, I should just eat them. They probably taste pretty good.
P: blah blah blah
O: They smell funny. Its protein deficiency. These fools don't eat meat? They can't taste very good.
P: blah blah blah
O: What the hell? I have better things to do with my time, like swim. These folks are losers.
I talked to the orcas. Really, I did. I talk to orcas. I know orca. Its one of my many unknown talents. The orcas wished to release the following statement:
Dear PETA: You sued in court over something that happens in the open freaking ocean? You do understand that the court can't tell us or anyone else what to do in the ocean, right? You don't speak for us. In case you are unaware, we are meat eaters. You are anti-meat eaters. Why do you think WE want YOU to represent us? We would rather have Jeffrey Dahmer represent us. At least he understands the flavor of meat. (Okay, bad joke, but it was pretty funny.) Why do you think you speak for anyone other than the other crazy loons who send you money every year? By the way, you really want to help us, push some of those crazies over the side of the boat. We could use a little more human meat in our diets. In the future, if you think we want you to represent us, let us be perfectly clear: we don't want your help. If we have a problem, we have the tools to take care of it ourselves - its called our teeth."
So there you go. PETA filed suit for a group of whales who clearly didn't want the help. I am glad I could bring you this public service announcement. Please take any money you have earmarked for PETA and send it to me. I will make sure that the orcas get it. (They won't eat me. They tasted me once - I am a bit too obnoxious tasting even to orcas!)
Thursday, April 5, 2012
Where am I in life?
So here I sit. 3 days after my dad's 72nd birthday. And I think. Where am I in life? Where did I want to be? What did I think life would be like?
You know, its interesting the impact of our fathers have on our lives. Well, at least it is for a guy. I dont know about you women-folk seeing as how I am not one of you. Thankfully. (For all of us! )
I was the typical underachiever. No wait, I took underachieving to a whole new level. I made underachieving an art form. I did as little as possible to get by. Homework? HA HA. I did it if I HAD to, but even then, only the minimum. Why do homework when you can take a test, get an A, and end up with a C in the class? 2.0 was my goal so I could stay eligible for the speech team.
I was such an underachiever that my high school suggested I see a psychologist. The shrink agreed - I am an underachiever. Of course, the shrink decided it was because I didn't know what I wanted to do with my life at 14. My dad walked out. (Okay, so there is more to that story, but this works for now.)
24 years later and what do I want to do with my life? I was so sure I knew what I didn't want to do with my life. No science for me. My dad had a fucking PhD in pharmaceutical chemistry. I can barely spell it, let alone explain what the hell it is. So science was out. But, my dad was the classic overachiever. Okay, so is it overachieving if you have are a genius and go on to do those things even if you grew up in a poor house and didn't have any of the advantages? I don't know. Sadly, my dad didn't talk much about his upbringing. Anyway, he went on to succeed in business too.
I clearly recall a conversation in my senior year of high school. I said I didn't want to go into business. Why? I didn't want the comparisons with my dad. There was just no way I was going to succeed to the same level. It wasn't possible. Hell, its still not possible.
So I sit and I think. Did I make the right choices? I know I could have done better in school. But if I did, would I be sitting here today, in this place, in this house, being happy? Life isn't perfect. Far from it. But its better than some.
I guess I have made my decisions. I didn't know the outcome in advance. I wouldn't want to. That takes away the fun. That takes away the adventure. Who was it who said "Its the climb?" Oh yeah, Miley Cyrus. (Don't laugh - it was the song my youngest son sang at his preschool graduation.) Its not about what's waiting on the other side.
I think that is right. Its been a hell of a climb. Some of it good. Some of it bad. Some of it fucking sucked. But its been unpredictable. Its been interesting. Its been exciting. I guess maybe this is a bad time to be down in the dumps. Maybe I need to realize this is just a bump in the road. Its like riding a mountain bike and you hit that big rock. You get back on and go up the mountain some more.
So that is where I am. Its been tough lately. Its been sad. But its been. And that, my friends, is something that no one can take away. I may not always like the ride, but I get to take it. And we have to make the best of it. I don't know where I am in life, but I don't need to know. As long as I wake up every morning and have my family with me and I keep growing as a person, that is all that matters.
You know, its interesting the impact of our fathers have on our lives. Well, at least it is for a guy. I dont know about you women-folk seeing as how I am not one of you. Thankfully. (For all of us! )
I was the typical underachiever. No wait, I took underachieving to a whole new level. I made underachieving an art form. I did as little as possible to get by. Homework? HA HA. I did it if I HAD to, but even then, only the minimum. Why do homework when you can take a test, get an A, and end up with a C in the class? 2.0 was my goal so I could stay eligible for the speech team.
I was such an underachiever that my high school suggested I see a psychologist. The shrink agreed - I am an underachiever. Of course, the shrink decided it was because I didn't know what I wanted to do with my life at 14. My dad walked out. (Okay, so there is more to that story, but this works for now.)
24 years later and what do I want to do with my life? I was so sure I knew what I didn't want to do with my life. No science for me. My dad had a fucking PhD in pharmaceutical chemistry. I can barely spell it, let alone explain what the hell it is. So science was out. But, my dad was the classic overachiever. Okay, so is it overachieving if you have are a genius and go on to do those things even if you grew up in a poor house and didn't have any of the advantages? I don't know. Sadly, my dad didn't talk much about his upbringing. Anyway, he went on to succeed in business too.
I clearly recall a conversation in my senior year of high school. I said I didn't want to go into business. Why? I didn't want the comparisons with my dad. There was just no way I was going to succeed to the same level. It wasn't possible. Hell, its still not possible.
So I sit and I think. Did I make the right choices? I know I could have done better in school. But if I did, would I be sitting here today, in this place, in this house, being happy? Life isn't perfect. Far from it. But its better than some.
I guess I have made my decisions. I didn't know the outcome in advance. I wouldn't want to. That takes away the fun. That takes away the adventure. Who was it who said "Its the climb?" Oh yeah, Miley Cyrus. (Don't laugh - it was the song my youngest son sang at his preschool graduation.) Its not about what's waiting on the other side.
I think that is right. Its been a hell of a climb. Some of it good. Some of it bad. Some of it fucking sucked. But its been unpredictable. Its been interesting. Its been exciting. I guess maybe this is a bad time to be down in the dumps. Maybe I need to realize this is just a bump in the road. Its like riding a mountain bike and you hit that big rock. You get back on and go up the mountain some more.
So that is where I am. Its been tough lately. Its been sad. But its been. And that, my friends, is something that no one can take away. I may not always like the ride, but I get to take it. And we have to make the best of it. I don't know where I am in life, but I don't need to know. As long as I wake up every morning and have my family with me and I keep growing as a person, that is all that matters.
Tuesday, April 3, 2012
Be a man
Okay, so here is what I think. If you are going to call yourself a man, be a man. Don't be a freaking mouse.
I spent yesterday flying to Orange County, driving to a hearing, then turning around and flying back. It was a 14 hour day for all of this "motion denied." Seriously. I had to spend what would have been my dad's 72nd birthday dealing with crap. (Okay, so maybe its odd that I still count his birthdays and he passed away at 63, but its my thing and I do it.)
So this piece of crap down in southern California filed a motion. In his motion, he called me all sorts of names. I was the devil incarnate. I was so bad that I made Jackie Childs look good. I am such a horrible excuse for a person that I made Idi Amin look like a saint. (Look him up.) I am such a jackass that the United Federation of Donkeys should object to my very being.
Fine. Look, you don't like me, I get it. Lots of folks dont. I am a bit abrasive. I am confrontational. I dont put up with bullshit. You call me out, you sure as heck better be wearing Kevlar because I am going to fire back. I totally understand. And I am an aggressive advocate for my clients. I am cordial and friendly, but I do know that I don't handle things like a lot of other folks. So, yes, I tick some folks off.
But if you are going to file a motion with the court and call me every name under the sun and force a hearing, then be a man. Its your right to file a frivolous piece of crap 50+ page motion with NO CITATIONS. Its your right to make yourself look like a loser. I get it.
But show up. Dont send some associate. You have the balls to call me names in a pleading? You sure as hell better have the balls to do it to my face. Otherwise, not only are you a loser, but you are a spineless coward who can't be a man. Are you a man or are you a mouse? Apparently, you are even lower than a mouse. At least a mouse wouldn't call me names and then hide - it would just hide.
I may be a lot of things, but when I have a problem with you, I call you out. Someone took what I thought was a cheap shot at me on an email list. I fired right back. I ruffled some feathers, but I called it like I saw it. He didnt like it. Not my problem. I have sent tweets to Geraldo "Idiot" Rivera and Michael "I like to be called Doctor because I think that makes me sound more important than I really am" Savage calling them out. I have written about radio DJs who talk like they have a mouth full of marbles (yes, you Carmichael Dave) and I have sent text messages to other hosts who can't put together a sentence in proper English. And I would say it to their faces.
If you are going to be a dickweed, at least don't make it worse by being a pussy. Man up and say it to my face. Not only are you a loser now, but you are a spineless, coward, loser. You are the lowest of the low. I have no respect for you. You can now go, I think the expression is, suck it, you scumbag.
I spent yesterday flying to Orange County, driving to a hearing, then turning around and flying back. It was a 14 hour day for all of this "motion denied." Seriously. I had to spend what would have been my dad's 72nd birthday dealing with crap. (Okay, so maybe its odd that I still count his birthdays and he passed away at 63, but its my thing and I do it.)
So this piece of crap down in southern California filed a motion. In his motion, he called me all sorts of names. I was the devil incarnate. I was so bad that I made Jackie Childs look good. I am such a horrible excuse for a person that I made Idi Amin look like a saint. (Look him up.) I am such a jackass that the United Federation of Donkeys should object to my very being.
Fine. Look, you don't like me, I get it. Lots of folks dont. I am a bit abrasive. I am confrontational. I dont put up with bullshit. You call me out, you sure as heck better be wearing Kevlar because I am going to fire back. I totally understand. And I am an aggressive advocate for my clients. I am cordial and friendly, but I do know that I don't handle things like a lot of other folks. So, yes, I tick some folks off.
But if you are going to file a motion with the court and call me every name under the sun and force a hearing, then be a man. Its your right to file a frivolous piece of crap 50+ page motion with NO CITATIONS. Its your right to make yourself look like a loser. I get it.
But show up. Dont send some associate. You have the balls to call me names in a pleading? You sure as hell better have the balls to do it to my face. Otherwise, not only are you a loser, but you are a spineless coward who can't be a man. Are you a man or are you a mouse? Apparently, you are even lower than a mouse. At least a mouse wouldn't call me names and then hide - it would just hide.
I may be a lot of things, but when I have a problem with you, I call you out. Someone took what I thought was a cheap shot at me on an email list. I fired right back. I ruffled some feathers, but I called it like I saw it. He didnt like it. Not my problem. I have sent tweets to Geraldo "Idiot" Rivera and Michael "I like to be called Doctor because I think that makes me sound more important than I really am" Savage calling them out. I have written about radio DJs who talk like they have a mouth full of marbles (yes, you Carmichael Dave) and I have sent text messages to other hosts who can't put together a sentence in proper English. And I would say it to their faces.
If you are going to be a dickweed, at least don't make it worse by being a pussy. Man up and say it to my face. Not only are you a loser now, but you are a spineless, coward, loser. You are the lowest of the low. I have no respect for you. You can now go, I think the expression is, suck it, you scumbag.
Thursday, March 29, 2012
One Year
So today is it. Its the day I have dreaded for the last 365 days. Its 1 year since my mom died. Its 1 year since I lost my last parent. I dont have any more. And it sucks.
I sit here and I feel numb, I feel sad, I feel...........something. I am not quite sure what it is. I have had a full range of emotions today. I have had tears in my eyes. I have had rage and wanted to kick the crap out of someone. I still do want to kick the crap out of him. I felt happy, nostalgia. I dont know what it is.
I think I feel scared. Its odd. I bet if you took a poll of people who know me, people wouldnt guess that. Hell, I talked to 30, 40 people today. I bet none of them knew there was an issue. But, my dad died at 62. My mom at 70. What the hell? Its not like these were freak accidents or something that can be explained. Heart attack. Cancer. What does that mean for my future? Am I really down to 30 or so years? Less than that?
I dont know what to think. I have no family, other than my wife and kids. (Yes, they are my family, but you know what I mean.) My sister is dead. My brother doesnt talk to me. My aunts and uncles think I am the devil. Hell, not even my cousins like me. I dont know what it is. Wait, yes, I do. They dont like the decisions I have made. Well, fuck them. I dont always like the decisions I have made either. But they are my fucking decisions.
They all sit and judge me. Jon didnt do this right, Jon didnt do that right. Well, walk a fucking mile in my shoes. Hell, walk half a mile. My dad understood my decisions. I knew when he passed away life would get more difficult with my mom. Its not her. Its us. She and I. We are both stubborn and both know we are always right. Well, sometimes being right is stupid. I know that know. I didnt know that 10 years ago. Live and learn, right?
So I sit here. The Zombies came on the radio. (If you dont know who they are, listen: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hfwFpRnOeGg) I thought back to my high school days, driving my dad to the beach, listening to his oldies. I miss those days. They are gone, gone, gone.
So I dont know. Am I supposed to sit here and cry? Am I supposed to think back to the good times and smile? My mom once bought me a candy bar because I had to have a thorn taken out of my freaking foot. That was funny. My dad once caught me ditching school - I did it one freaking time and I got caught. But he let it go. I sit here now and I dont know what to do.
Its been a year. I miss my mom. Strange, since we were never that close. But I miss her. I miss knowing she was there. I miss knowing that she was around.
What the fuck? Is this how it is supposed to be? I feel bad for my wife and kids. I havent been pleasant the last few days. And Monday is my dad's 72nd birthday. But I wont be with my wife because of some fucking piece of crap attorney who cant fucking read the English language but could pass the bar exam.
So I sit and sit and think. And I cry a bit. And I miss them. And I worry. And I realize life will go on. It may get easier. It may not. But life goes on................Oh, and I am one lucky dumbass sometimes for having an amazing wife, great kids and friends who put up with me nonsense.
I sit here and I feel numb, I feel sad, I feel...........something. I am not quite sure what it is. I have had a full range of emotions today. I have had tears in my eyes. I have had rage and wanted to kick the crap out of someone. I still do want to kick the crap out of him. I felt happy, nostalgia. I dont know what it is.
I think I feel scared. Its odd. I bet if you took a poll of people who know me, people wouldnt guess that. Hell, I talked to 30, 40 people today. I bet none of them knew there was an issue. But, my dad died at 62. My mom at 70. What the hell? Its not like these were freak accidents or something that can be explained. Heart attack. Cancer. What does that mean for my future? Am I really down to 30 or so years? Less than that?
I dont know what to think. I have no family, other than my wife and kids. (Yes, they are my family, but you know what I mean.) My sister is dead. My brother doesnt talk to me. My aunts and uncles think I am the devil. Hell, not even my cousins like me. I dont know what it is. Wait, yes, I do. They dont like the decisions I have made. Well, fuck them. I dont always like the decisions I have made either. But they are my fucking decisions.
They all sit and judge me. Jon didnt do this right, Jon didnt do that right. Well, walk a fucking mile in my shoes. Hell, walk half a mile. My dad understood my decisions. I knew when he passed away life would get more difficult with my mom. Its not her. Its us. She and I. We are both stubborn and both know we are always right. Well, sometimes being right is stupid. I know that know. I didnt know that 10 years ago. Live and learn, right?
So I sit here. The Zombies came on the radio. (If you dont know who they are, listen: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hfwFpRnOeGg) I thought back to my high school days, driving my dad to the beach, listening to his oldies. I miss those days. They are gone, gone, gone.
So I dont know. Am I supposed to sit here and cry? Am I supposed to think back to the good times and smile? My mom once bought me a candy bar because I had to have a thorn taken out of my freaking foot. That was funny. My dad once caught me ditching school - I did it one freaking time and I got caught. But he let it go. I sit here now and I dont know what to do.
Its been a year. I miss my mom. Strange, since we were never that close. But I miss her. I miss knowing she was there. I miss knowing that she was around.
What the fuck? Is this how it is supposed to be? I feel bad for my wife and kids. I havent been pleasant the last few days. And Monday is my dad's 72nd birthday. But I wont be with my wife because of some fucking piece of crap attorney who cant fucking read the English language but could pass the bar exam.
So I sit and sit and think. And I cry a bit. And I miss them. And I worry. And I realize life will go on. It may get easier. It may not. But life goes on................Oh, and I am one lucky dumbass sometimes for having an amazing wife, great kids and friends who put up with me nonsense.
Thursday, March 22, 2012
Some thoughts
I was driving home this evening and I had some thoughts. I was getting sad and I wasn't quite sure why. Or, as is more likely, I didn't want to admit why.
Its been over a year since I last saw my mom - ever. I won't be able to see her anymore. I guess in pictures. I guess in my memories. Her taking me to soccer games. Her at my wedding. Things like that. But I can't call her up and talk to her. I can't say hi. I can't tell her anything.
Now, we weren't close since my dad died. But she was still my mom. And she still IS my mom, but she isn't here. It sucks.
And do you know what makes it suck more? Attorneys. Lawyers. Cocksuckers at law. Okay, not every attorney. I have a few attorneys who are friends, a few more who are acquaintances, some who I just know and don't hate. But do you know how many assholes go into the legal profession?
Let me see if I can count............1,000, 2,000, 3,000, more. I can't even count. And apparently they have all decided to be on th opposite end of cases I take. I guess its my luck. Or bad luck. Or crappy luck.
Why are these folks assholes? Are they born that way? No. I don't think they are. I think it comes down to two other factors.
1. They have no actual real life experience. They went to high school, worked at making crappy , greasy pizza, then went to college where they smoked more dope than I have seen in my life, then went to law school where they drank like fish - and I don't mean water. These folks think the JD after their names means they are bad-asses. It doesnt. The JD means nothing other than you were dumb enough to keep going to school after you graduated from college. Or you couldn't get a job and had to go back to school to avoid paying back your student loans so you decided law school was the way to go. Why law school? Because business schools wouldn't take you because you didnt have any real world experience. Its jackasses who think that they graduated college so they are automatically qualified to go to law school that act this way.
2. These folks know no pain. To them, their life is one big fucking party. They have never lost someone they loved. They have never experienced the death of a parent, a child, a spouse. They have never dealt with pain. Because those of us who have dealt with loss, we know that there is no point in being a fucking loser to other human beings. I may occasionally be a pain in the ass to a debt collector. I may jerk with them once in a while. But I will never treat them like they are lower than me. Just so we are clear, my law degree makes me no more and no less special than anyone else, be it the CEO of Apple or GE, or the homeless guy walking down the street with all of his life's belongings in a stolen shopping cart. All it does is let me use what I have learned to help people. Actually, it doesnt let me do that. I choose to do that. Why do I choose this? Because I have SHMUCK tattooed across my forward. I like helping people. I actually think I am doing some good in the world. I must be the biggest sucker in the world. UGH! What the hell am I thinking? Sadly, I won't change. I will keep representing real people.
So here I sit. Sad and not happy, feeling the loss more than I have in a while. Do you know what its like to be in your mid 30s and be parentless? Its such a crappy feeling. And writing about it doesnt help this time. FUCK this sucks.
I pity the next attorney who calls me and decides to be an asshole to me. You want to fuck with me and my clients? Fine. I wont fuck back. I promise you that. I will work harder than you. I will work smarter than you. I will kick your scrawny little ass across one side of the courtroom and back across the other side. You aren't fucking special because of your law degree - instead of being a cocksucker, you are an educated cocksucker. Is that clear?
Its been over a year since I last saw my mom - ever. I won't be able to see her anymore. I guess in pictures. I guess in my memories. Her taking me to soccer games. Her at my wedding. Things like that. But I can't call her up and talk to her. I can't say hi. I can't tell her anything.
Now, we weren't close since my dad died. But she was still my mom. And she still IS my mom, but she isn't here. It sucks.
And do you know what makes it suck more? Attorneys. Lawyers. Cocksuckers at law. Okay, not every attorney. I have a few attorneys who are friends, a few more who are acquaintances, some who I just know and don't hate. But do you know how many assholes go into the legal profession?
Let me see if I can count............1,000, 2,000, 3,000, more. I can't even count. And apparently they have all decided to be on th opposite end of cases I take. I guess its my luck. Or bad luck. Or crappy luck.
Why are these folks assholes? Are they born that way? No. I don't think they are. I think it comes down to two other factors.
1. They have no actual real life experience. They went to high school, worked at making crappy , greasy pizza, then went to college where they smoked more dope than I have seen in my life, then went to law school where they drank like fish - and I don't mean water. These folks think the JD after their names means they are bad-asses. It doesnt. The JD means nothing other than you were dumb enough to keep going to school after you graduated from college. Or you couldn't get a job and had to go back to school to avoid paying back your student loans so you decided law school was the way to go. Why law school? Because business schools wouldn't take you because you didnt have any real world experience. Its jackasses who think that they graduated college so they are automatically qualified to go to law school that act this way.
2. These folks know no pain. To them, their life is one big fucking party. They have never lost someone they loved. They have never experienced the death of a parent, a child, a spouse. They have never dealt with pain. Because those of us who have dealt with loss, we know that there is no point in being a fucking loser to other human beings. I may occasionally be a pain in the ass to a debt collector. I may jerk with them once in a while. But I will never treat them like they are lower than me. Just so we are clear, my law degree makes me no more and no less special than anyone else, be it the CEO of Apple or GE, or the homeless guy walking down the street with all of his life's belongings in a stolen shopping cart. All it does is let me use what I have learned to help people. Actually, it doesnt let me do that. I choose to do that. Why do I choose this? Because I have SHMUCK tattooed across my forward. I like helping people. I actually think I am doing some good in the world. I must be the biggest sucker in the world. UGH! What the hell am I thinking? Sadly, I won't change. I will keep representing real people.
So here I sit. Sad and not happy, feeling the loss more than I have in a while. Do you know what its like to be in your mid 30s and be parentless? Its such a crappy feeling. And writing about it doesnt help this time. FUCK this sucks.
I pity the next attorney who calls me and decides to be an asshole to me. You want to fuck with me and my clients? Fine. I wont fuck back. I promise you that. I will work harder than you. I will work smarter than you. I will kick your scrawny little ass across one side of the courtroom and back across the other side. You aren't fucking special because of your law degree - instead of being a cocksucker, you are an educated cocksucker. Is that clear?
Thursday, March 1, 2012
On Relationships
Its Ides of March - 14 today. (Really? I have to explain that joke. If I have to explain it, then it isn't funny. But this one is funny. Or maybe just to me.)
So here is what I have been thinking about today - a lot. Relationships. All kinds of relationships. And I discovered something. You get out of it what you put into it. Or, at least, you should. You want equal value, right? Like if I am going to buy a hamburger and it costs $4 it better be a good one. If it costs $10, it better be really fucking good. Like, YUM good. But if I buy a $10 burger and it tastes like a Big Mac, I am going to be one unhappy, hungry guy. And you don't want to see me unhappy and hungry. That is a bad combination.
But think about your relationships. How many of them are equal? Are you the person who is getting more than you are giving? Or, maybe worse, are you the person giving and giving and giving and not getting anything back? It is better to give than receive, I think. But does that work in relationships?
Are you the friend who everyone comes to when they need $20? Are you the friend who is always there to change the flat tire (do people even change their own tires anymore?) or drive them to the store?
I guess what I have realized is that I have too many relationships where I give and do not receive. (Yes, clearly this is directed at certain people and those people won't even know who they are.) Look, I don't mind helping out. I don't mind doing something to help a friend. But shouldn't there be more to it than calling me when you need something? If I am a friend, shouldn't it be more than the text message asking me to do something?
I have actually unfriended people from Facebook because they bugged too much. But then I go back and I still have 403 "friends." Now some of these people are people I know professionally. Some of them are people who I knew growing up. I will give them a break. But some of these people claim to be friends but never have anything to say unless it starts with "Can I.......?" As in, can I borrow $20? Or "Can I get you to do this for me?"
Do I really want these people in my life? Do I need them? I don't think so. I think I am going to start thinking about these relationships more. While I dont expect it to be 50/50 all the time, if its more like 70/30 most of the time, its probably time to end the relationship. Some food for thought for me.............
So here is what I have been thinking about today - a lot. Relationships. All kinds of relationships. And I discovered something. You get out of it what you put into it. Or, at least, you should. You want equal value, right? Like if I am going to buy a hamburger and it costs $4 it better be a good one. If it costs $10, it better be really fucking good. Like, YUM good. But if I buy a $10 burger and it tastes like a Big Mac, I am going to be one unhappy, hungry guy. And you don't want to see me unhappy and hungry. That is a bad combination.
But think about your relationships. How many of them are equal? Are you the person who is getting more than you are giving? Or, maybe worse, are you the person giving and giving and giving and not getting anything back? It is better to give than receive, I think. But does that work in relationships?
Are you the friend who everyone comes to when they need $20? Are you the friend who is always there to change the flat tire (do people even change their own tires anymore?) or drive them to the store?
I guess what I have realized is that I have too many relationships where I give and do not receive. (Yes, clearly this is directed at certain people and those people won't even know who they are.) Look, I don't mind helping out. I don't mind doing something to help a friend. But shouldn't there be more to it than calling me when you need something? If I am a friend, shouldn't it be more than the text message asking me to do something?
I have actually unfriended people from Facebook because they bugged too much. But then I go back and I still have 403 "friends." Now some of these people are people I know professionally. Some of them are people who I knew growing up. I will give them a break. But some of these people claim to be friends but never have anything to say unless it starts with "Can I.......?" As in, can I borrow $20? Or "Can I get you to do this for me?"
Do I really want these people in my life? Do I need them? I don't think so. I think I am going to start thinking about these relationships more. While I dont expect it to be 50/50 all the time, if its more like 70/30 most of the time, its probably time to end the relationship. Some food for thought for me.............
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)