Web 2.0?

I admit it. I can't tell a difference between Web 2.0 and the internet as it was invented by Al Gore back in the 90s. Al Gore did invite the internet, didn't he? Oh wait, I think I have Al Gore the internet inventor confused with Al Gore the guy with the mansion who uses a ton of energy to light it. But, wait, that is so off topic.

Where was I? Oh yeah, Web 2.0. Can you define Web 2.0? No, not you, Mr. Computer Geek reading this from his office with his three monitor set up. Can a normal person off the street define it? No. Why not? Because it is not a word.

Well, not to normal people. But the Global Language Monitor announced it is the 1,000,000th word in the English language. Yes, folks, ONE MILLION words. We should have a party or something. Imagine the word dropping from Times Square. Or maybe we throw confetti on people. Dick Clark can have a show with "Seacrest Out." They can call it "Dick Clark's Wonderful Word World with Ryan 'I don't know any word's Seacrest."

Do you want to know word 999,999? It is "jai ho!" Apparently this is from the movie Slumdog Millionaire. Um, one problem, jai ho is actually a Hindi victory phrase. So, apparently, English words are now just words we steal. We are thieves. We don't have words. We just take other people's words. Speaking of Slumdog Millionaire, Slumdog is word 999,997. Yes, movie titles now get to be words.

Other choices:

1. defriend - as in "I defriended Bob on Facebook because he kept hitting on my female friends. No really, he did. Even the underage ones." How is it possible we have existed for thousands of years and apparently no one has ever defriended someone before. But defriend is almost a word now!
2. cloud computing - as in "WTF is cloud computing you technogeeks?!" Seriously, I would write more, but I don't get it. WTF is cloud computing? SHEESH!
3. carbon neutral - as in "Put the levitating car in carbon neutral and take your foot off the hydrogen pedal." Yes? No, that's not right? Dang it.
4. Octomom - as in "Octomom is a cheap piece of **** whose sole support now is by living off of those poor little kids who didn't ask to be brought into the world by Satan." Yes there, I called her Satan. You know you want to but lack the cojones (which may or may not be an English word). She is Satan. We have a word for that - it is Satan. We do not need to create a new word for this woman. She gets enough attention already! STOP IT!
5. Sexting - as in "Billy and Emily were sexting after school." No, they were not texting. That is not a typo. They were sexting. This is, apparently, the process of texting sexual messages to another person. Does that make emailing sexual messages sexmail? If you call someone, does that make it a sexophone call? If you actually have sex, are you sexsexing? I just don't get it. What if I were to text someone about sports? Is that sportexting? What if I text them about the weather? Weatherexting?

So, good people of the blog, I say we start a new word. But it cannot have anything to do with vacation, daycation, staycation or Taco Bell's freaking breakation. ARGH! My ears. Stop making up words you advertisement dweebs. You make the computer geeks look normal.

I propose the new word is "hafffffffffffffaaaaaaaarrrrrr." It means..........well, I don't know what it means. But there is a Starbucks gift card to the person who posts a comment on the blog with the best use of hafffffffffffffaaaaaaaarrrrrr in a sentence. Yes, Starbucks!