My kid can't play on my team?

Bill Orton was a cautious man. I am not. Why do you care? Because I am about to rip into people. A lot. And it may have some negative consequences. But, as Robbie Nevil said, c'est la vie, c'est la vie, that's just the way it goes.

So, I have a few kids. Maybe a herd of kids. And they are close in age. The boys are 9, 7 and 5. The 7 and 5 year old each played soccer last year. I had two teams - an under 7 team and an under 6 team. It was a lot. And some folks didn't make it any easier for me. A few parents complained. A few folks complained. Deal with it, right? So this year, I had an idea. I will put the 5 year old on the 7 year old's team. Then they can play together and I only have 1 team. This gives me more time for other soccer stuff: refereeing, being on the board, etc.... So, I asked for it.

Now, this should be pretty simple. It was approved by my local club. (Our town has its own league and there are half a dozen clubs within the league.) Apparently, however, that's not good enough. It has to be approved by the other clubs as well. Why? I don't really know. So, last night I get an email that one club has said no.

Let me see if I get this straight. I want my son to play on my team and play with his brother and you say no? Why? Really? You have some problem with this. A few thoughts:

This friggin game is ruining my life. I have over 30 years of playing this freaking game. How much experience? I have been playing since I was 4. I have been referreeing since I was 10. I have been coaching since I was 20. That is an awful lot of soccer. Oh, and that doesn't even count the years and years of soccer camps.

I had my kid dribbling the soccer ball the length of the field at age 2. Not because I pushed him, but because he wanted to be like his brother. I think I know a thing or two about the game. If I think my kid can play up an age group, who are they to argue? Heck, last year he played in a game when we played a team of 8 year olds. He held his own and was the smallest kid on the field. How about giving a guy a little respect?

I also give a ton of time to the league. I coach, I referee and I volunteer on the board. Heck, last year I wasn't even on the board and managed to help out the board. They need someone to referee a team where the coach is out of control? I volunteer. They need someone to ref a game at the last minute? Sure, I will do it. They need someone to ref a game of 18 year old boys and their obnoxious parents? Yep, I will do it. Someone needs to start an email campaign because parks and rec closed the fields on a sunny day for soccer but let flag flippin football play? I am all over that. Now, I need a little help and no? Really? No?

Of course, I was up front with my reasons. Look, two teams is a lot. My wife is knocked up and due in October. I am on the board. Of course, they say he can play on a team with his age and we can just find someone to take him to practice or the games. Great, then I get to miss his games.

I am not sure if anyone else gets this, but it is RECREATIONAL SPORTS! What is the purposes of sports? Besides teaching kids to play together, have fun, etc... its for parents to spend time with their kids. Thinking back about my childhood, some of my best memories with my dad are soccer related. Lets see: him walking me down the aisle at my wedding (don't freaking laugh, it was sweet); our drive cross country in a 72 Buick Skylark convertible; driving to a soccer tournament in Virginia in his Vette and making it through Delaware in 20 minutes; my dad having my back at a soccer game and yelling at the referee for me; my last year of playing in a league when I was pulled out of the game by the coach after making a smart soccer play and my dad telling me it was a great play and the coach was a moron. Look, three of them are soccer related. Why? Because it is what we do.

I don't understand. My dad passed the game on to me. I want to pass it on to my kids, especially the youngest. He never met my dad. He was named after my dad. It is my obligation to pass this on. It is something that can go from generation to generation. And it is very important to me.

How important is it? This important. I have two pieces of ink on me. One is a soccer ball with my kid's initials and opposite that is one for my dad. You think soccer is important to me? Soccer is a metaphor for life. Hell, I have used soccer to explain the practice of law.

So now some fat dudes are going to tell me my kid can't play on my team. Of course, if it were for "competitive reasons" he could. Really? Competitive reasons? Does the name Freddy Adu mean anything? He was the next prodigy. He was the soccer star who was going to save the US national team. He doesn't even play anymore for the natioanl team.

Meanwhile, Prof. Julio Mazzei, may he rest in peace, taught me that sometimes you have to mix things up. I remember being at his soccer camp at about age 10 or 11. I was playing with the white team. The blue team needed someone. He asked me to switch. I said no. Um, for the record, you don't say no to Pele's coach. It would be like telling Phil Jackson no. So, the game came to a screeching halt. The lecture began. And, in his deep accent, he explained that every goalie must play some games with no gloves. Every defender must play forward. Every left wing should play on the right. And, sometimes you have to play with older kids. Why? To get better.

Now, this was not a one time lesson. Werner Roth taught me the same thing. I was 6 and at his soccer camp for kids 8 to 18. Apparently, my dad pulled some strings. I was small. Really small. I mean, I took small to a whole new level. On the last day of camp, we were watching an exhibition. Werner called me out and had two goals set up. Now, for those of you who are not up on your 70s soccer, Werner Roth was the captain of the NY Cosmos. Think of playing one on one with Jordan in the 90s or Derek Jeter. We played. Somehow, I scored and won 1-0. This became a tradition. (Heck, Werner, if you are reading this now, I think I can take you. I will buy the airline ticket and fly to NY. You and me at Giants Stadium. $500 to the charity of the winners choice.) I asked him years later why. Why did you play one on one with some scrawny little kid from the burbs? His answer: because he saw that I had potential.

Now, don't get me wrong. I was never a national level player. I was never going to play college soccer. I admit my knowledge of the game exceeds my playing ability. I can sit and watch something develop and tell someone where to be better than getting there myself. But, that has stuck with me. And that is something my kid needs to learn.

Look, the little one is never going to be Landon Donovan or Brian McBride. I get that. But my kid has potential. He can learn the game. And he can learn it from me. I can pass on what I learned from my dad. I can share those moments with him. And isn't that what this is about?

Now, I have a whole bunch of out of out of shape guys telling me no. Most of these guys have never played the game. I am sure I can still run circles around any of them today. In fact, some of them play with me and someone is getting a shoulder charge next time we play. You guys have forgotten the spirit of the game. It is called the beautiful game not because we want to win or because you have a team that is good. It is called the beautiful game because when the game is played, all is good in the world. Just ask anyone who knows me: I step onto the field and all is good.

I can be very helpful when I want to be. I can also be the biggest jerk in the world. I can make life miserable. Just ask anyone who I have sued and has ticked me off.

So there may not be much I can do. I will get ticked off. I will write a few emails. However, when I get my kid on my team, and it will happen, we might put a few teams away 8 or 9 to nothing. Its not that I want to run up the score, but if you think my kid can't play on my team because of his age, you are in for a big surprise. That little kid is going to score and his brother is going to make sure no one gets near our goal. I apologize in advance for whooping these other teams.