Wacky Whale Wars

Ever watch the show Whale Wars? Its on Animal Planet. That means that a good airing has like 200 viewers. I am pretty sure that they consider it a success if they have more viewers than watch the test pattern. Although, the test pattern is more interesting that some of their shows. Seriously. Groomer has it? I think would watch the test pattern - in black and white!

But this Whale Wars is interesting. Are they terrorists or activists? The Sea Shepherd Conservation Society is filmed as they try to either save whales or attack Japanese fishermen. It is a wacky crew:

Captain Paul Watson - dude was kicked out of Greenpeace in the 70s after helping found it. He says he is Canadian but doesn't drop an "eh" ever. But this guy was too radical for Greenpeace. That is why PETA kicking you out because you threw too much paint on a fur coat. He seems to be pretty good at navigating a boat, but sucks at management.

1st Mate Peter Brown - I to the N to the C to the O to the M to the P to the E to the T to the E to the N to the T. Yes, I called him incompetent. He doesn't know how to get the boat to change directions. He doesn't know port from starboard. I get sea sick and I think I know more about boats then this dude. He seems to have dropped too much acid in the 60s. He dropped too much something - maybe he was dropped on his head too much. Listen to him talk. It is seriously like listening to a 2 year old try to form a sentene.

2nd Mate Peter Hamerstadt - dude claims his nickname is "The Hammer." The hammer? Okay, if you want a nickname like that, you need to be able to grow a goatee. A full one. None of this mustache and some hair on your chinny, chin, chin. And my left leg weighs more than his entire scrawny body. Dude really should be called "The Nail." I'm sorry but he is about as intimidating as a wet noodle and a guy who calls himself "The Hammer" should be a lot more intimidating.

The Quartermasters - they have like a dozen. I didn't even know what a quartermaster was until I wikipedia'd it. The quartermaster is "in charge of the watch-to-watch navigation and the maintenance, correction, and preparation of nautical charts and navigation publications." Why do you need 12 of these people? How about like 4? Or maybe on the Steve Irwin, that is the name of their ship, they named it after a guy who died too young, is that a bad sign, the quartermaster is just the name of anyone who has no other title. I don't know but these folks have so many quartermasters it is like have a 4dollarmaster!

Okay, so that is the basic of the ship. Then they have their "missions." These folks boarded a Japanese whaling ship last year. This year they want to do it again - with an all woman crew. And the Captain, 1st mate and 2nd mate whine. A lot. Peter Brown complains more often than most people brush their teeth. And they whine and don't do anything about it.

Look, if you don't like the way something is being done, do it your dang self. Yes, Peter Brown, get off your bony rear and you go board the boat. Or you get in the little dingy that they have and try to sail it in the freaking southern ocean. It ain't that easy but it is easy for you to sit there and whine and complain like a kid whose lunch money was just taken.

And don't get me started on Watson. That dude hasn't done anything other than steer the boat in probably 20 years. And that doesn't look so hard. I think I could handle that - and do it with more personality.

If these folks can get a show, what is tv coming to? Maybe we need fewer stations so I don't have to listen to Peter Brown whine, watch some dufus make up a nickname so he sounds cooler than he is, and have fat boy, er, Paul Watson generally make a pain of himself and think that his job means the difference between life and death for the entire planet!