My son Tyler is one amazing kid. He doesn't even know it. But he is. He is 14 and he has many "issues," but the kid is one amazing kid.
Thursday was Thanksgiving. It is one of my favorite holidays. Its a day to give thanks for all of the things we have in life. And, sadly, its one of the few days that people stop and give thanks. I like it.
For us, it was a day we got to spend with Tyler. We haven't spent Thanksgiving with Tyler in 3 years. So it was a special day. Tyler came and was such a good kid on Thursday.
And you know what? I wasn't happy with Thanksgiving. I had a million reasons to complain. I didn't like this or that or the other thing. And I was wrong. Dang it, its hard to admit when I am wrong, but it happens quite a bit!
You see, Tyler reminded me, when I thought about it, that Thanksgiving isn't about the food or the company or anything else. Thanksgiving is about giving thanks and being with family. It doesn't matter what was wrong with Thursday. What matters is what was right with Thursday.
The turkey wasn't perfect? Who cares? Shopping isn't the point. Getting up early (or going to bed late) isnt the point. The point is that I get to hang out with my son, go for a walk with him and generally be a goof ball. The rest of it: not important at all.
So thanks Tyler, for reminding me about Thanksgiving. You always teach me something new!
Saturday, November 30, 2013
Wednesday, November 20, 2013
What do I stand for?
So maybe it was too much weird music in the car. Maybe it was work today. Maybe it has just been a crappy few days. Either way, between fun and Katy Perry, it had me thinking. (Don't judge my music. Its better than 40 cent or Jay Q or NandN.) Anyway, I was thinking, what do I stand for?
Okay, for those of you who don't get it. The lyrics to Some Nights by fun include "What do I stand for? Most nights, I don't know anymore." The lyrics to Roar by Katy Perry include "I stood for nothing, so I fell for everything." Hence, the theme, if you are not up on your current music.
I thought and I thought. What do I stand for?
My family. Sometimes they bug me. Sometimes they annoy me. Sometimes they drive me crazy. But I always love them. My mom used to tell me that she always loved me, but she didn't always like me. I get it now. I always love my family, even if they drive me crazy sometimes. (I also get why I drove my mom to drink, or at least why she said it. She is looking down at me from heaven and laughing at me now. "You fool. You should have more liquor around!")
Beyond that, I wonder. I know when I introduce myself to people, it goes something like this. I am a husband. I am a father. (Hence, I know I stand for family.) I am a friend. I am a soccer player. I am a guy who tries to do the right thing. Somewhere after 8 or 9 things, I may mention I am an attorney. I don't know what that says about me, but I am sure it says something.
So, what do I stand for? Hmmmm.............Here are 10 things I stand for.
1. I believe in truth, justice and the American Way. I just don't believe we get it. Look, I don't know what justice is always, but sometimes I know it and I don't see it. Sometimes it just isn't there. Maybe I am naive. But I think we should always aim for justice.
2. I will only fight if you hurt my wife, hurt my kids, or if its necessary to protect myself. I will not start a fight. I will not fight you because you question my manhood. My manhood has nothing to do with my ability to kick your ass. My ability to throw a punch hasn't been questioned since 1986. I am not going to do it simply to show you I can do it.
3. A real man will step up and do what is right for his family, even if it is not best for him. I fully believe a man will do something to protect his wife and kids, regardless of the personal consequences. Trust me on this.
4. The punishment should fit the crime, but it usually doesnt. I see it all the time. Two people who do the same thing get two different outcomes. I don't like it, but it is the way things work.
5. Those people in power will do what is best for them to keep their power, even if it means that they have to bend or break the rules. Look, if you enforce the rules, you have the ability to bend and/or break the rules with no consequence. So you do it. Its wrong, but it doesn't matter if you never get called on it.
6. People can be really good, but a lot of people are too self absorbed to do good. I think when we come together as a community, as a country, as a world, we can accomplish a lot of good. But see 5. People in power don't always want to do what is good or right, but rather what keeps their power. If people would spend 5 minutes every day doing something nice for someone else just because, the world would be a better place.
7. My heroes will always be my heroes. Yep, my dad will always be the ideal that I will try to live up to. I will fail, miserably. But I will try. Muhammad Ali, Bear Bryant, Werner Roth, Pele, these men can do no wrong in my eyes. Sure, they may do wrong, but they will always be my heroes. Little boys (and girls) need heroes.
8. I will always protect my daughter more than my sons. Yep, its sexist. Yep, its wrong. Yep, its me. She knows, now at the delicate age of 4, that I will always catch her - even metaphorically. My boys will fall more. I don't know why, but this is my way.
9. I believe everyone gets a chance. Everyone gets a 2nd chance. Some people deserve a third chance. Maybe I am dumb for believing that the best in people will shine through, but I do. I think if we give them a chance, a real chance, they will surprise you.
10. I will always try. I don't care if its work or play or what. I will not quit. Its not who I am. I could spar for 19 rounds. I have played soccer sick. I have played hurt. I have worked when I was sick or sad. I will always do it. And I will not give up.
So there it is. 10 things I stand for. I hold these things to be true................
Okay, for those of you who don't get it. The lyrics to Some Nights by fun include "What do I stand for? Most nights, I don't know anymore." The lyrics to Roar by Katy Perry include "I stood for nothing, so I fell for everything." Hence, the theme, if you are not up on your current music.
I thought and I thought. What do I stand for?
My family. Sometimes they bug me. Sometimes they annoy me. Sometimes they drive me crazy. But I always love them. My mom used to tell me that she always loved me, but she didn't always like me. I get it now. I always love my family, even if they drive me crazy sometimes. (I also get why I drove my mom to drink, or at least why she said it. She is looking down at me from heaven and laughing at me now. "You fool. You should have more liquor around!")
Beyond that, I wonder. I know when I introduce myself to people, it goes something like this. I am a husband. I am a father. (Hence, I know I stand for family.) I am a friend. I am a soccer player. I am a guy who tries to do the right thing. Somewhere after 8 or 9 things, I may mention I am an attorney. I don't know what that says about me, but I am sure it says something.
So, what do I stand for? Hmmmm.............Here are 10 things I stand for.
1. I believe in truth, justice and the American Way. I just don't believe we get it. Look, I don't know what justice is always, but sometimes I know it and I don't see it. Sometimes it just isn't there. Maybe I am naive. But I think we should always aim for justice.
2. I will only fight if you hurt my wife, hurt my kids, or if its necessary to protect myself. I will not start a fight. I will not fight you because you question my manhood. My manhood has nothing to do with my ability to kick your ass. My ability to throw a punch hasn't been questioned since 1986. I am not going to do it simply to show you I can do it.
3. A real man will step up and do what is right for his family, even if it is not best for him. I fully believe a man will do something to protect his wife and kids, regardless of the personal consequences. Trust me on this.
4. The punishment should fit the crime, but it usually doesnt. I see it all the time. Two people who do the same thing get two different outcomes. I don't like it, but it is the way things work.
5. Those people in power will do what is best for them to keep their power, even if it means that they have to bend or break the rules. Look, if you enforce the rules, you have the ability to bend and/or break the rules with no consequence. So you do it. Its wrong, but it doesn't matter if you never get called on it.
6. People can be really good, but a lot of people are too self absorbed to do good. I think when we come together as a community, as a country, as a world, we can accomplish a lot of good. But see 5. People in power don't always want to do what is good or right, but rather what keeps their power. If people would spend 5 minutes every day doing something nice for someone else just because, the world would be a better place.
7. My heroes will always be my heroes. Yep, my dad will always be the ideal that I will try to live up to. I will fail, miserably. But I will try. Muhammad Ali, Bear Bryant, Werner Roth, Pele, these men can do no wrong in my eyes. Sure, they may do wrong, but they will always be my heroes. Little boys (and girls) need heroes.
8. I will always protect my daughter more than my sons. Yep, its sexist. Yep, its wrong. Yep, its me. She knows, now at the delicate age of 4, that I will always catch her - even metaphorically. My boys will fall more. I don't know why, but this is my way.
9. I believe everyone gets a chance. Everyone gets a 2nd chance. Some people deserve a third chance. Maybe I am dumb for believing that the best in people will shine through, but I do. I think if we give them a chance, a real chance, they will surprise you.
10. I will always try. I don't care if its work or play or what. I will not quit. Its not who I am. I could spar for 19 rounds. I have played soccer sick. I have played hurt. I have worked when I was sick or sad. I will always do it. And I will not give up.
So there it is. 10 things I stand for. I hold these things to be true................
Monday, November 4, 2013
Morons, I say, morons
I love Elk Grove. Its a great place to raise a family. How do I love thee? Let me count the ways. We have the best schools around. Period. We have a great parks and rec district. We have two swimming centers, parks galore, a father daughter dance that rocks. We come together as a community regularly. We help each other. We look out for each other.
That being said, we are run by morons. Morons, I say, morons. How do I know this? Read this from two years ago: http://randomrants08.blogspot.com/2011/12/mls-in-elk-grove-i-think-not.html or this from last year: http://randomrants08.blogspot.com/2012/06/elk-grove-city-council.html Okay, if that doesn't convince you of this, then let me explain a few more things.
Do you know who is getting the next MLS team? Not Elk Grove. Why not? Because Elk Grove doesn't freaking listen. Not just to me, but to MLS. Orlando is getting the next MLS team. Why? Because Orlando deserves it. How do I know? Because Orlando has supported minor league soccer for years. Orlando has shown it is a great soccer city. So, MLS is going to reward Orlando. The moral of the story: if you want to play with the big boys, follow the fucking rules, you morons.
But, wait, there's more. From the Sacramento Bee: http://www.sacbee.com/2013/08/06/5625720/elk-groves-proposed-water-park.html Okay, fine, you don't want to read that. They want to build a $45 million water park and start it with $14 million in public funds. From the story: "It's time for Elk Grove to be on the map and be a destination for tourism," Mayor Gary Davis said.
Wait, a second. Stop the presses. Elk Grove needs to be on the map? Seriously? I checked. Elk Grove is on the map: http://mapq.st/18UxhxG Really, it is. It is on the map. I know because I read it on the internet so it must be true.
Oh wait. He didn't mean literally. Sorry, its hard to tell with these politicians. How do you know when a politician is lying? His mouth is moving!
So he wants us to be on THE MAP, as in, a place that people know and want to come to. Who the hell wants this beside him? Oh, I forgot, he has vision, I don't. Yes, I have been told that. I don't have vision. Of course, my eye doctor, the best in Sacramento, would disagree with that. They checked. I see just fine - with my glasses on.
You see, Elk Grove is not a destination. Never has been. Never will be. It doesn't need to be. Its not why we moved here. People moved here because they like it as it is, a small town where you can still go to the grocery store and see friends. A place where everybody knows your name. You walk in and feel like Norm.
The only people who want something different are the fucking politicians. Why? Because they are politicians. They make sure their kids have jobs. They make sure they have money to run for another office. They make sure they have a legacy. That isn't what people want. People want what we have. A nice, quiet town that needs a few more white collar jobs where people can still know their neighbors.
So lets stop with this keep up with Orlando or Anaheim or whatever idiotic city Gary Davis thinks we should be so Gary Davis can think he is cool. Lets go back to being Elk Grove, a place where people move because we are friendly. Take your aquatic center and shove it up your fake MLS stadium and stick them both in your mall - that still isn't finished. Great job of getting nothing built, city council, because you don't know what real people want!
That being said, we are run by morons. Morons, I say, morons. How do I know this? Read this from two years ago: http://randomrants08.blogspot.com/2011/12/mls-in-elk-grove-i-think-not.html or this from last year: http://randomrants08.blogspot.com/2012/06/elk-grove-city-council.html Okay, if that doesn't convince you of this, then let me explain a few more things.
Do you know who is getting the next MLS team? Not Elk Grove. Why not? Because Elk Grove doesn't freaking listen. Not just to me, but to MLS. Orlando is getting the next MLS team. Why? Because Orlando deserves it. How do I know? Because Orlando has supported minor league soccer for years. Orlando has shown it is a great soccer city. So, MLS is going to reward Orlando. The moral of the story: if you want to play with the big boys, follow the fucking rules, you morons.
But, wait, there's more. From the Sacramento Bee: http://www.sacbee.com/2013/08/06/5625720/elk-groves-proposed-water-park.html Okay, fine, you don't want to read that. They want to build a $45 million water park and start it with $14 million in public funds. From the story: "It's time for Elk Grove to be on the map and be a destination for tourism," Mayor Gary Davis said.
Wait, a second. Stop the presses. Elk Grove needs to be on the map? Seriously? I checked. Elk Grove is on the map: http://mapq.st/18UxhxG Really, it is. It is on the map. I know because I read it on the internet so it must be true.
Oh wait. He didn't mean literally. Sorry, its hard to tell with these politicians. How do you know when a politician is lying? His mouth is moving!
So he wants us to be on THE MAP, as in, a place that people know and want to come to. Who the hell wants this beside him? Oh, I forgot, he has vision, I don't. Yes, I have been told that. I don't have vision. Of course, my eye doctor, the best in Sacramento, would disagree with that. They checked. I see just fine - with my glasses on.
You see, Elk Grove is not a destination. Never has been. Never will be. It doesn't need to be. Its not why we moved here. People moved here because they like it as it is, a small town where you can still go to the grocery store and see friends. A place where everybody knows your name. You walk in and feel like Norm.
The only people who want something different are the fucking politicians. Why? Because they are politicians. They make sure their kids have jobs. They make sure they have money to run for another office. They make sure they have a legacy. That isn't what people want. People want what we have. A nice, quiet town that needs a few more white collar jobs where people can still know their neighbors.
So lets stop with this keep up with Orlando or Anaheim or whatever idiotic city Gary Davis thinks we should be so Gary Davis can think he is cool. Lets go back to being Elk Grove, a place where people move because we are friendly. Take your aquatic center and shove it up your fake MLS stadium and stick them both in your mall - that still isn't finished. Great job of getting nothing built, city council, because you don't know what real people want!
Tuesday, October 29, 2013
This, that and the other thing - oh, and two more things as well
Okay, so I was going to write something sad tonight. I was going to explain something or other. But I figured this would be a better use of my time. So I had a topic or five that was building up inside of me. I thought this would be a good time to get them off my chest.
1. Hummers and BMWs - no, not every Hummer and BMW. Wait, let me rephrase that. Not every BMW. But every Hummer.
Why do you drive like an asshole, Mr. Hummer driver? I have so many theories. Lets start with this: you bought a Hummer because you think it sounds like a euphemism for a blow job. Dude, its not. Let's just be clear. The only people who talk about hummers as blow jobs are boys in high school who get to school and say to their buddies "Dude, I got a hummer last night." Seriously, no one older than 17 calls it a hummer. So your alleged euphemism is a crock of crap. That's right - it is crock o'crap.
So, the other reason you bought a Hummer, speaking of hummers, is that you have a small member. Yes, I said it. You are Captain Tiny Dick. You had to break out the microscope to find it. So, how do you compensate? You bought the biggest freaking car they made and you drive it like crap. Of course. That is what everyone does when they can't get a hummer. They buy a Hummer. Heck, if Hummer still existed, then that would be a great tag line: "Can't get a hummer at home, come buy a Hummer from Hummer of Smallcockville." There is a reason they no longer make Hummers. Do you know what it is? All of the guys who are under 3" have already bought them. No one else would ever buy one. DUH!
Okay, so BMW drivers will get a pass tonight. Although, I still don't understand the appeal of a 1-series. I know. You want a BMW. So instead of busting your ass, saving up and buying a 3 series or a 5 series, you buy the piece of crap 1 series that costs as much as a Hyundai. Dude, you would be better off buying a Hyundai. Then you wouldn't look like a loser and you could afford the maintenance so your car doesn't fall to pieces. That would give you this: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=K-34Fdtg1dI (I know. I have used that video before. Deal with it.)
2. Thieves - okay. You are a jackass. You stole my kids' pumpkins. Do you know what you can do? You can kiss my white ass, you piece of crap. What kind of lowlife steals a kid's pumpkin? Seriously. How much of a loser do you have to be to do this? Seriously. In all of my life, even as a kid, I never stole anyone's pumpkins. This is just nonsense. If you need a pumpkin, ask me. I would buy one for you so you don't feel left out. If you are over 10 and you did this, you are a delinquent who should probably be sent to some island where you can't steal a little kid's pumpkin. Jackass.
3. Youth sports - look, I get we want to win. But, seriously, like this? First, stop recruiting kids to a rec team. From out of your area? Really? You need to win that badly. That is a freaking embarrassment to youth sports. You had to go and recruit kids from some place else to come play for you? Really? I can't even express how ridiculous that is. How about you learn to coach, you idiot? I mean, I know you can't kick a ball to save your life. But that doesn't mean you should bend the rules to win.
Speaking of winning, 9-0 is an appropriate final score? For who? Look, I have won games by a lot. And I have lost games by a lot. I would NEVER, EVER let my team win by that much. Ever. In fact, I have bent over backwards to keep games close. It doesn't have to be 2-0, but if you get up by 4, you stop scoring. Or you let them score.
Do you know who does this? People who have never won. Seriously. Think about it. If you are reading this and you have won at sports, would you ever let your team run up the score in a rec game of any sport? No. Why? Because you have felt the lows of losing and the highs of winning. You would never want to be "that guy" because you understand its about the kids.
But if you are a dickface who has run up the score in a recreational game, did you ever win at sports? NO! How do I know this? Because if you did, you would never run up the score on a team. You understand better. Seriously, I would like to take every soccer coach who runs up the score out to a field and let them play 1 v 1 with me. It would be less about how badly I beat them and more about how much I showed them about how much it sucks when you are outclassed. I may not be the best player, but I would whup any coach who runs up the score in a rec game. Fucking idiots who make kids feel bad.
4. Do what you know - can we all stick to what we know? I find it funny how many people know about something so that makes them an expert in everything. I know like 3 things. Total. I know soccer. I know how to talk. I know how to.................dang it, I know 2 things. So I stick to those two things. You don't see me out coaching baseball or basketball. You don't see me teaching sign language. Why?
Because people are supposed to stick with what they know. So you are a teacher? Great. That doesn't mean you know how to tell me how to parent my kid. I am glad you think you do, but teachers aren't always parents and parents aren't always teachers. So you teach, I will parent and we will get along fine.
And it isn't just teachers. A lot of people do this. I am glad you are so confident in what you do that you think you can be everything to everyone. You can't. So stop. Please?
5. Speaking of parenting, can we stop telling people how to parent their kids? You don't know my kids. I don't know your kids. I promise you I won't tell you how to parent your kids if you will shut the fuck up about how to parent my kids. I am not perfect. I am not even close to perfect. But I try. And isn't that all we ask? Try to do the best job you can do. But lets all butt out and let parents parent while we stop criticizing!
Okay, there. I said it. At least, for tonight. I am sure there will be more to come at some point - soon!
1. Hummers and BMWs - no, not every Hummer and BMW. Wait, let me rephrase that. Not every BMW. But every Hummer.
Why do you drive like an asshole, Mr. Hummer driver? I have so many theories. Lets start with this: you bought a Hummer because you think it sounds like a euphemism for a blow job. Dude, its not. Let's just be clear. The only people who talk about hummers as blow jobs are boys in high school who get to school and say to their buddies "Dude, I got a hummer last night." Seriously, no one older than 17 calls it a hummer. So your alleged euphemism is a crock of crap. That's right - it is crock o'crap.
So, the other reason you bought a Hummer, speaking of hummers, is that you have a small member. Yes, I said it. You are Captain Tiny Dick. You had to break out the microscope to find it. So, how do you compensate? You bought the biggest freaking car they made and you drive it like crap. Of course. That is what everyone does when they can't get a hummer. They buy a Hummer. Heck, if Hummer still existed, then that would be a great tag line: "Can't get a hummer at home, come buy a Hummer from Hummer of Smallcockville." There is a reason they no longer make Hummers. Do you know what it is? All of the guys who are under 3" have already bought them. No one else would ever buy one. DUH!
Okay, so BMW drivers will get a pass tonight. Although, I still don't understand the appeal of a 1-series. I know. You want a BMW. So instead of busting your ass, saving up and buying a 3 series or a 5 series, you buy the piece of crap 1 series that costs as much as a Hyundai. Dude, you would be better off buying a Hyundai. Then you wouldn't look like a loser and you could afford the maintenance so your car doesn't fall to pieces. That would give you this: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=K-34Fdtg1dI (I know. I have used that video before. Deal with it.)
2. Thieves - okay. You are a jackass. You stole my kids' pumpkins. Do you know what you can do? You can kiss my white ass, you piece of crap. What kind of lowlife steals a kid's pumpkin? Seriously. How much of a loser do you have to be to do this? Seriously. In all of my life, even as a kid, I never stole anyone's pumpkins. This is just nonsense. If you need a pumpkin, ask me. I would buy one for you so you don't feel left out. If you are over 10 and you did this, you are a delinquent who should probably be sent to some island where you can't steal a little kid's pumpkin. Jackass.
3. Youth sports - look, I get we want to win. But, seriously, like this? First, stop recruiting kids to a rec team. From out of your area? Really? You need to win that badly. That is a freaking embarrassment to youth sports. You had to go and recruit kids from some place else to come play for you? Really? I can't even express how ridiculous that is. How about you learn to coach, you idiot? I mean, I know you can't kick a ball to save your life. But that doesn't mean you should bend the rules to win.
Speaking of winning, 9-0 is an appropriate final score? For who? Look, I have won games by a lot. And I have lost games by a lot. I would NEVER, EVER let my team win by that much. Ever. In fact, I have bent over backwards to keep games close. It doesn't have to be 2-0, but if you get up by 4, you stop scoring. Or you let them score.
Do you know who does this? People who have never won. Seriously. Think about it. If you are reading this and you have won at sports, would you ever let your team run up the score in a rec game of any sport? No. Why? Because you have felt the lows of losing and the highs of winning. You would never want to be "that guy" because you understand its about the kids.
But if you are a dickface who has run up the score in a recreational game, did you ever win at sports? NO! How do I know this? Because if you did, you would never run up the score on a team. You understand better. Seriously, I would like to take every soccer coach who runs up the score out to a field and let them play 1 v 1 with me. It would be less about how badly I beat them and more about how much I showed them about how much it sucks when you are outclassed. I may not be the best player, but I would whup any coach who runs up the score in a rec game. Fucking idiots who make kids feel bad.
4. Do what you know - can we all stick to what we know? I find it funny how many people know about something so that makes them an expert in everything. I know like 3 things. Total. I know soccer. I know how to talk. I know how to.................dang it, I know 2 things. So I stick to those two things. You don't see me out coaching baseball or basketball. You don't see me teaching sign language. Why?
Because people are supposed to stick with what they know. So you are a teacher? Great. That doesn't mean you know how to tell me how to parent my kid. I am glad you think you do, but teachers aren't always parents and parents aren't always teachers. So you teach, I will parent and we will get along fine.
And it isn't just teachers. A lot of people do this. I am glad you are so confident in what you do that you think you can be everything to everyone. You can't. So stop. Please?
5. Speaking of parenting, can we stop telling people how to parent their kids? You don't know my kids. I don't know your kids. I promise you I won't tell you how to parent your kids if you will shut the fuck up about how to parent my kids. I am not perfect. I am not even close to perfect. But I try. And isn't that all we ask? Try to do the best job you can do. But lets all butt out and let parents parent while we stop criticizing!
Okay, there. I said it. At least, for tonight. I am sure there will be more to come at some point - soon!
Wednesday, October 2, 2013
On making decisions...........
I was really trying to make October a positive month. I thought I could do it. I made it all of one day. It was literally like 24 hours. It started because I was in a bit of a funk. I didn't know what was wrong. I was talking to a guy I know and he helped. And then..................
Then I realized people suck. All people. I think its just inherent in human nature. Maybe that is too harsh. People are neither inherently good nor inherently bad. People are inherently interested in what is best for them. So people make decisions based on what they think is best for them. Secondary considerations do not matter.
It takes a person to make a conscious effort to stop and think "How might this affect someone else?" It takes more of an effort to think "How could this be a positive thing?" and "How could this be a negative thing?"
Think about it. It is almost lunch time. Most people are thinking "What do I want for lunch?" It is an easy question. It is also, by its nature, only about you. It is not about anyone else. Look at it again. It doesn't ask what does your coworker want for lunch. It asks simply what do you want for lunch.
Now, what you have for lunch, may be none of my business. It probably is none of my business. I get that. But, your decision could have an impact on other people. For example, what about Suzie, sitting in her cubicle? Has anyone asked what she wants for lunch? It may not be the act of having lunch with Suzie that makes a hill of beans of difference in her life. It may be the act of ASKING that makes a difference. Maybe Suzie is a bitch. Maybe she smells. Maybe she doesn't shower. And, maybe, just maybe, she couldn't afford to buy soap or her washing machine broke and she can't get to the laundromat. Maybe she feels bad and stays to herself because of it. And, maybe she just wants someone to invite her, even though she woudn't go. So the fact that you don't ask, can have a negative impact on someone else. Do you HAVE to ask? Nope. Should you ask? Yep.
Of course, if you ask, maybe you find out that Suzie's husband is sick. Or her car broke down. Or her child is struggling in school. Maybe you find out something simple, like Suzie needs someone to cover her for an hour next Friday. And maybe that is something you can do. But you only find out if you ask because Suzie is too shy/embarrassed/whatever to ask.
Look, it doesn't take a rocket scientist to figure out that the world is a small place. It gets smaller with technology. 10 years ago, no one would read this. Hell, today no one is probably reading this. But, someone may stumble upon it. With Twitter and Facebook and Instagram and Pinterest and whatever else is out there, its easy for people to figure out what is going on in your life and for you to see what is going on in their lives.
So maybe now, more than ever, it would make the world a better place if we all stopped and thought "What about someone else?" Would it be nice if we did it with every decision? Probably, but that is also unrealistic. So, maybe we just start small, with one decision. Maybe we just think about our friends and family when we make decisions.
Or, as is more likely, maybe I am just full of some naive view of the world and no one will listen.
Then I realized people suck. All people. I think its just inherent in human nature. Maybe that is too harsh. People are neither inherently good nor inherently bad. People are inherently interested in what is best for them. So people make decisions based on what they think is best for them. Secondary considerations do not matter.
It takes a person to make a conscious effort to stop and think "How might this affect someone else?" It takes more of an effort to think "How could this be a positive thing?" and "How could this be a negative thing?"
Think about it. It is almost lunch time. Most people are thinking "What do I want for lunch?" It is an easy question. It is also, by its nature, only about you. It is not about anyone else. Look at it again. It doesn't ask what does your coworker want for lunch. It asks simply what do you want for lunch.
Now, what you have for lunch, may be none of my business. It probably is none of my business. I get that. But, your decision could have an impact on other people. For example, what about Suzie, sitting in her cubicle? Has anyone asked what she wants for lunch? It may not be the act of having lunch with Suzie that makes a hill of beans of difference in her life. It may be the act of ASKING that makes a difference. Maybe Suzie is a bitch. Maybe she smells. Maybe she doesn't shower. And, maybe, just maybe, she couldn't afford to buy soap or her washing machine broke and she can't get to the laundromat. Maybe she feels bad and stays to herself because of it. And, maybe she just wants someone to invite her, even though she woudn't go. So the fact that you don't ask, can have a negative impact on someone else. Do you HAVE to ask? Nope. Should you ask? Yep.
Of course, if you ask, maybe you find out that Suzie's husband is sick. Or her car broke down. Or her child is struggling in school. Maybe you find out something simple, like Suzie needs someone to cover her for an hour next Friday. And maybe that is something you can do. But you only find out if you ask because Suzie is too shy/embarrassed/whatever to ask.
Look, it doesn't take a rocket scientist to figure out that the world is a small place. It gets smaller with technology. 10 years ago, no one would read this. Hell, today no one is probably reading this. But, someone may stumble upon it. With Twitter and Facebook and Instagram and Pinterest and whatever else is out there, its easy for people to figure out what is going on in your life and for you to see what is going on in their lives.
So maybe now, more than ever, it would make the world a better place if we all stopped and thought "What about someone else?" Would it be nice if we did it with every decision? Probably, but that is also unrealistic. So, maybe we just start small, with one decision. Maybe we just think about our friends and family when we make decisions.
Or, as is more likely, maybe I am just full of some naive view of the world and no one will listen.
Wednesday, September 18, 2013
An Ode to Soccer
I read this again last night and tonight: http://randomrants08.blogspot.com/2012/11/sunday-soccer.html It makes me happy. Maybe not happy. It comforts me. Maybe that isn't the right word either. It does something.
But how did I get there? What was it that brought me to that place, that group, that time? How did I, all of those years ago, end up at a park that most people can't spell, during the hottest part of the day in the summer, with a group of people I had never met before, some of whom are now young enough to be my kids?
Its been 36 years or so since I first kicked a ball. 36 years falls, winters, springs and summers of chasing a round ball on a big field. For a while, the point was to kick the ball into the other team's goal. Lately, the point has been to run around a big field, run my mouth, teach the kids, and enjoy that 90 minutes when no one can bother me, no one can bug me, no problems can exist.
My dad started my soccer playing. He taught me the basics. How to kick a ball. How to trap a ball. How to play the game.
My teammates taught me more. They taught me how to play together. They taught me how to work as a group to achieve a common goal. They reminded me that it wasn't what happened, as much as that it happened. I look back, fondly, on the time I played with my team.
We were young. We were small. I don't know if we fully appreciated the sacrifices our parents made so we could play. We traveled a lot.We made memories, memories that we did not fully appreciate until we were older. Now, in our late 30s, early 40s, we have reconnected and rekindled those memories.
Now, soccer is a connection between my son and I. All of them. They all played. And while only my middle son continues to play, I can still talk soccer with any of them. Even my daughter, at age 3, will talk soccer with me. Its great.
But, it is so much more. Sunday, I went to my soccer game. I was grumpy. I was not in a good mood at all. I got there. I started to warm up. A guy drove up. He did something (I can't share what he did since some people may not approve of it.) Immediately, I broke into laughter. He laughed. It lightened the mood. It started putting me in a better mood. I realized that no matter what happens, for that 90 minutes a week, there are no problems. There can't be problems. I simply can't worry about the rest of the world when grown men are kicking a ball at me, running at me, and putting a shoulder into me. Well, I could, but that would probably result in me getting hurt.
Today, I had practice for my U14 team. We had a guest show up. He plays with me. He is getting ready to tryout for a professional team. My boys, wonderfully, stepped up to the challenge. We had a great practice. The music was playing. The boys were running. The old coach (me) got into the goal and started making saves. We scrimmaged. We ran. We did drills that I haven't done since I was 11 years old playing for the Freehold Thunder.
Soccer connects me to my dad. It connects me to my kids. It connects me to guys I haven't seen in over 25 years. It connects me to guys I see every week, guys from the US, and guys from around the world. Soccer gives me a few hours a week where my problems simply disappear.
So thank you. Thank you to the guys who grew up playing with me. Thank you to the kids I have coached. Thank you to the guys who play with me now, putting up with my mouth, my jokes, both appropriate and not so appropriate, and my decreasing skill! Thank you to soccer!
But how did I get there? What was it that brought me to that place, that group, that time? How did I, all of those years ago, end up at a park that most people can't spell, during the hottest part of the day in the summer, with a group of people I had never met before, some of whom are now young enough to be my kids?
Its been 36 years or so since I first kicked a ball. 36 years falls, winters, springs and summers of chasing a round ball on a big field. For a while, the point was to kick the ball into the other team's goal. Lately, the point has been to run around a big field, run my mouth, teach the kids, and enjoy that 90 minutes when no one can bother me, no one can bug me, no problems can exist.
My dad started my soccer playing. He taught me the basics. How to kick a ball. How to trap a ball. How to play the game.
My teammates taught me more. They taught me how to play together. They taught me how to work as a group to achieve a common goal. They reminded me that it wasn't what happened, as much as that it happened. I look back, fondly, on the time I played with my team.
We were young. We were small. I don't know if we fully appreciated the sacrifices our parents made so we could play. We traveled a lot.We made memories, memories that we did not fully appreciate until we were older. Now, in our late 30s, early 40s, we have reconnected and rekindled those memories.
Now, soccer is a connection between my son and I. All of them. They all played. And while only my middle son continues to play, I can still talk soccer with any of them. Even my daughter, at age 3, will talk soccer with me. Its great.
But, it is so much more. Sunday, I went to my soccer game. I was grumpy. I was not in a good mood at all. I got there. I started to warm up. A guy drove up. He did something (I can't share what he did since some people may not approve of it.) Immediately, I broke into laughter. He laughed. It lightened the mood. It started putting me in a better mood. I realized that no matter what happens, for that 90 minutes a week, there are no problems. There can't be problems. I simply can't worry about the rest of the world when grown men are kicking a ball at me, running at me, and putting a shoulder into me. Well, I could, but that would probably result in me getting hurt.
Today, I had practice for my U14 team. We had a guest show up. He plays with me. He is getting ready to tryout for a professional team. My boys, wonderfully, stepped up to the challenge. We had a great practice. The music was playing. The boys were running. The old coach (me) got into the goal and started making saves. We scrimmaged. We ran. We did drills that I haven't done since I was 11 years old playing for the Freehold Thunder.
Soccer connects me to my dad. It connects me to my kids. It connects me to guys I haven't seen in over 25 years. It connects me to guys I see every week, guys from the US, and guys from around the world. Soccer gives me a few hours a week where my problems simply disappear.
So thank you. Thank you to the guys who grew up playing with me. Thank you to the kids I have coached. Thank you to the guys who play with me now, putting up with my mouth, my jokes, both appropriate and not so appropriate, and my decreasing skill! Thank you to soccer!
Friday, September 6, 2013
An Open Letter to My Middle Son
Dear Son:
I love you. Always remember that.
I have tried to talk to you, but you don't always want to listen. This isn't surprising, I didn't always want to listen to my dad either. Why didn't I listen? I knew I was smarter than my dad. I knew he had no idea what I was going through. Oh, and I was stubborn.
Do you know why you don't listen to me? You know you are smarter than me. You know that I have no idea what you are going through. Oh, and you are stubborn.
Guess what? You are also wrong. How do I know this? I was also wrong. I know. It is stunning to hear. It stunned me when I learned I was wrong. But, it happened. I was older than you, but I realized it.
One day, I was in college. I asked my dad about a problem I was working on in economics. He closed his eyes, as he did, and a few seconds later, he gave me an answer. There was no way he could be right. You needed a book with a table to get the answer - or a computer. He had neither. He couldn't be right. Except, you know what? He nailed it. His answer was perfect. He couldn't tell me how he did it or how to get the right answer. But he got it. At that moment, my son, I realized that I was wrong.
You and I have talked about how smart my dad was. You know I think he is the smartest man I have ever met. And, quite frankly, its not even close. But, what you don't know, is that I didn't realize that at 11 or 12 or 13. I didn't realize that until I was 20.
My dad and I sat outside one day, talking. We were at Del Mar, where I learned to boogie board, and where you now learned to boogie board. He looked at me and said "I know its harder for you growing up than it was for me." I didn't understand. So I asked him. He said "Each generation it gets harder. My generation had to deal with a war, but that was about it. You have cigarettes, drugs and things like that to deal with. Those weren't problems when I was a kid. I know that its harder for you, but you can always talk to me."
Guess what, my son? I know its harder for you growing up than it was for me. You have drugs to worry about. You have cell phones, Facebook, text messages. Kids talk about things much faster than they did when I was a kid. I know its hard. But, you can always talk to me.
I know school is hard. It was hard for me. I know its tough when you are the smallest in your class. I, too, was small. I know middle school isn't easy. There is more work. There are new kids, more kids, different kids. There is puberty and all of those hormones. And there are girls! Its hard, dude. I get it.
But you know what would make it easier? If you would give in, just a little, and listen to mommy and I. We have been through middle school. We both survived. We do know what we are talking about. We just want to help you and see you succeed. I promise it won't hurt.
Give it a try, my son. You know how I tell you I am a lot like my dad? I am. But this is one way I am different. My dad helped me when I got to high school. I will tell you that story when you are older. But, in middle school, my mom and dad didn't support me like your mom and I support you. My dad was still traveling and my mom was working. Looking back, I wish they had been around more, like your mom and I are around for you. That is the biggest reason I work for myself - so I can be there for you.
Let us help you. Then, one day, you will look back and tell your kids about how they are not smarter than you, even if they think they are!
Love,
Dad
I love you. Always remember that.
I have tried to talk to you, but you don't always want to listen. This isn't surprising, I didn't always want to listen to my dad either. Why didn't I listen? I knew I was smarter than my dad. I knew he had no idea what I was going through. Oh, and I was stubborn.
Do you know why you don't listen to me? You know you are smarter than me. You know that I have no idea what you are going through. Oh, and you are stubborn.
Guess what? You are also wrong. How do I know this? I was also wrong. I know. It is stunning to hear. It stunned me when I learned I was wrong. But, it happened. I was older than you, but I realized it.
One day, I was in college. I asked my dad about a problem I was working on in economics. He closed his eyes, as he did, and a few seconds later, he gave me an answer. There was no way he could be right. You needed a book with a table to get the answer - or a computer. He had neither. He couldn't be right. Except, you know what? He nailed it. His answer was perfect. He couldn't tell me how he did it or how to get the right answer. But he got it. At that moment, my son, I realized that I was wrong.
You and I have talked about how smart my dad was. You know I think he is the smartest man I have ever met. And, quite frankly, its not even close. But, what you don't know, is that I didn't realize that at 11 or 12 or 13. I didn't realize that until I was 20.
My dad and I sat outside one day, talking. We were at Del Mar, where I learned to boogie board, and where you now learned to boogie board. He looked at me and said "I know its harder for you growing up than it was for me." I didn't understand. So I asked him. He said "Each generation it gets harder. My generation had to deal with a war, but that was about it. You have cigarettes, drugs and things like that to deal with. Those weren't problems when I was a kid. I know that its harder for you, but you can always talk to me."
Guess what, my son? I know its harder for you growing up than it was for me. You have drugs to worry about. You have cell phones, Facebook, text messages. Kids talk about things much faster than they did when I was a kid. I know its hard. But, you can always talk to me.
I know school is hard. It was hard for me. I know its tough when you are the smallest in your class. I, too, was small. I know middle school isn't easy. There is more work. There are new kids, more kids, different kids. There is puberty and all of those hormones. And there are girls! Its hard, dude. I get it.
But you know what would make it easier? If you would give in, just a little, and listen to mommy and I. We have been through middle school. We both survived. We do know what we are talking about. We just want to help you and see you succeed. I promise it won't hurt.
Give it a try, my son. You know how I tell you I am a lot like my dad? I am. But this is one way I am different. My dad helped me when I got to high school. I will tell you that story when you are older. But, in middle school, my mom and dad didn't support me like your mom and I support you. My dad was still traveling and my mom was working. Looking back, I wish they had been around more, like your mom and I are around for you. That is the biggest reason I work for myself - so I can be there for you.
Let us help you. Then, one day, you will look back and tell your kids about how they are not smarter than you, even if they think they are!
Love,
Dad
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