TLC has a little person fetish

I cannot explain it. I don't know that anyone can explain it. What is up with TLC? These folks, or at least the dude in charge of programming, has a fetish with little people, er, dwarfs, er midgets, er really short folks? What exactly do we call them now? Have you watched this channel lately? I would really like to know who is in charge of programming over there. Is anyone?

First, they have Little People, Big World. This is about a family where mom and dad are, not surprisingly, little folks. Apparently, they think it is a big world. I kind of thought it was a little world. I actually thought the world was getting smaller. I guess if you are under 4'6, the world is getting bigger. Are these folks not familiar with the internet? Did they miss Al Gore's invention?

Then, there is Little Couple. Now, one might think that these are the same people. After all, if mom and dad are married and little, they are a little couple. But no, TLC has apparently found a new little couple. Yes, apparently these folks are eager to be on television. I don't know why. Is it in a little person's genes? Its like on Chromosome 22 or something. That is where the height is determined and if the height is under 4'6, you also have a desire to be on TV more than Heidi and Spencer, who by the way needs to be taken out back and whooped. That dude is a train wreck. Sorry, back to the little folks. This woman is a doctor or something and her husband is a "businessman," whatever the heck that means. Does he own a business? Is he a business like LeBron James, LLC? I don't quite understand. What is the deal with him.

Anyway, they then have Dwarf Adoption. Um, hello? Dwarf? Really? Someone is going to name a show Dwarf Adoption? What's next? Dwarf bowling? Dwarf wrestling? I think both of those were outlawed when we turned from the 80s to the 90s. Seriously, when is the last time you saw midget wrestling on WWE or RAW or one of those shows? I remember seeing it in the 80s, but I don't think I have seen it advertised on USA anytime in the last 2 decades. But, apparently if these folks want to adopt, suddenly it is okay to call them dwarfs again. Just because I want to join the circus, does not mean it is okay to start a show called "Cracker Circus."

Seriously, who names these shows? Yes, I want to know. Who comes up with the name of these shows? And how much money do they make? What kind of college degree do you need? Do you even need a college degree or do they take people from Fake Online U in Barbados? I think I could come up with names like this.

Oh, and don't forget that TLC is also home to Toddlers and Tiaras. I recently saw a few minutes of a show where the little girl's name was Kragen. Clearly, that is the name of the store whose parking lot mom and dad were in when she was conceived. I was thinking that they probably meant Pep Boys, but they couldn't figure out who was Manny, Mo or Jack. They were going to go with NAPA as well, but the capital letters confused them.

I really think TLC changed its name from "The Learning Channel" to "Them Little Cuties" and decide that TLC sounded better than "Them Little Cuties." Really, who is programming that station? And did they pass an IQ test?

Just wondering..........

T2: Rage Against the Machine

I hoped I was done with this topic. I mean, how much can you exploit children for profit? Apparently, a lot. Are you listening Disney? Not that Disney would do this. After all, the munchkins weren't child labor violations - they were big people, well, big little people. I mean, adult little people. You know, like Little Couple on TLC. Disney would never exploit the Mouseketeers to make money. At least they were cute, though.

Freaking TLC is back at it - Toddlers and Tiaras - Trainwreck Two. (Dang, that is some fine alliteration. I think I should get an award for that. I hereby give myself the 1st Monthly Awesome Amazing Alliteration Award. I would like to thank the little people who helped me get this. No, not those little people. I am done with those little people. I mean the little people - like the toddlers who are on this show who give me fodder for the blog.) I mean, if season 1 wasn't bad enough, they had to go with season 2. What's worse, Toddlers and Tiaras or Peter Brown on Whale Wars? That is a tough one. Peter Brown almost cost the lives of his entire crew. The kids on Toddlers aren't at fault - their crazy parents are.

So, I watched the first 10 minutes of this show and I saw parenting that makes Kate Gosselin look like Mother Theresa. Heck, it makes Michael Jackson look like Dr. Spock. Do these people know what jerks they are before they go on the show? Are they truly surprised after when they look like creeps of the worst kind?

First was some lady who had 5 daughters. Under 6. Yes, 5. And they all compete against each other in pageants. Now, I get competition. It is healthy. But this lady was a whack job. She had two daughters who were fraternal twins. Although, I am pretty sure she called them paternal twins. But whats a p between Friends? (Go back and watch the jellyfish episode and that is funny!) She said one daughter is the pretty one and one is not. Huh? You just told one daughter she is ugly? What the hell? Where did you go to parenting school, North Korea?

Oh, and the pretty one looks like mom. Really? Mom, do you really want her to think she looks like you? I have seen people with their insides on the outside and no facial features and they look better than you. The rabbit at the local pet store had smaller front teeth sticking out than you. And you think she looks like you? Then she should probably get use to hearing this: "U-G-L-Y, You don't need no alibi, You Ugly, Hey, Hey, You Ugly." (My apologies to that fine film Wildcats.)

This was just pathetic. I mean, the girls were cute little girls. But that is exactly what they were - cute little girls. Don't pretend they are beauty queens, like momma called them. You are a disgrace to moms.

Coming in a close second was the mom who put her boys in a pageant. Boys. Two of them. One was 5 and one was 2. Two weeks. 14 days. 336 hours. He was going to be in the pageant. At 2 weeks old. Why would you put a 2 week old in a pageant? She wanted to see if he has stage presence. Huh? Stage presence? Stop smoking the green stuff and admit it - you wanted prize money you greedy, greedy woman. You wanted to see if you could get a little extra cash money for yourself.

And the 5 year old. Boy. Pageant. NO! I am sorry, maybe I am old fashioned, or maybe I am just old. Boys do not do pageants. Never, ever, ever. Its just not right. What the heck were you thinking? Come here little Tommy and I will put you in a beauty pageant. BEAUTY? He is a boy. Boy's are cute, handsome, whatever, but not beauties. Is anyone really going to find it odd if that kid is 20 and wants a sex change or is on the clock tower? Really? Be honest. His mom put him in a pageant. A lot of pageants. And she thought this was a good thing.

TLC, please, I am begging you. Stop. No, not with this train wreck. Go off the air. Your programming looks like it was designed by a 10 year old who thinks flatulence is funny. Why must you continue with this nonsense? Next you might want to go with "Big Couple, Little World." Or how about "Pedophiles and Prisons." Or maybe you can run a show called "What the hell were we thinking." Or how about "Dang, we are dumb." Please, that bandwidth could be used for a test patter and it would be better tv.