What the heck is Axe?

So I am at taekwondo class tonight. I am standing in line waiting for class to start and I smell something. I ask the women if they are wearing perfume. After all, it is sparring strategies night and I don't want to mix sweat with horrible smelling perfume. But, they all say it is not them.

Odd. We make it through class. I am taking off my gear and it smells. No, not my gear - the school. We have just had 20 people running, kicking and throwing a few punches in a warm, enclosed place. Out of nowhere, I smell that perfume again. I ask the women and none of them are wearing any. Then, I see the culprit.

To protect the guilty, I will call him Brian. Brian Adams. (His initials are B.A.) Brian is spraying this stuff that smells. I ask him what it is. It is his "Axe spray."

I have one thing to say: WTF? Seriously. Have you smelled this crap? It smells like a girl. Now, I like the smell of a girl - but ON A GIRL! I do not like the smell of a girl on a guy. Especially on a guy who was just sweating. The smell of sweat and girly flowers mixing makes he want to puke. A lot. For a long time.

It appears that teenage boys are using this stuff. Why? Really, why? While women may not like the smell of sweat, they understand it is a guy. Most women like the smell of a man. If they wanted a man who smelled like a woman, they would date a woman. And we have a word for that - lesbians. But, a straight woman wants a man who smells like a man, not a woman.

I thought the whole "metrosexual" craze was over. Sure, guys shave and put on lotion. Sure, we take care of ourselves. But there is no freaking need to smell like a woman. It is not manly. It is not masculine. It is not cool. It is girly. And if you are a girly man, then it is fine. But if you are a man, a man's man, a guy, or a dude, you should not smell like this Axe crap.

If the fine folks at Axe would like to send me a sample, please send it care of Brian Adams. I will make sure he and his high school friends get it so that they can smell like girls. If, on the other hand, the makers of Axe would like men to buy their products, try making it a bit more masculine smelling. Is that asking too much?