Court Attire

I was at court today. Yes, I am an attorney. I was stunned by the way people were dressed. A few guidelines on wearing clothes to court:

1. If you are a party, dress like you are going to church. That means no jeans, no cut offs, no shorts. It also means a nice shirt - with a collar. Yes, a collar. Oh, and take off your dog collar, er, choker. Those earrings? If you are a woman, they are fine. If you are a guy, you can take them out for those few hours you are in court - especially if they are those gauge type that make holes in your ears. Why the heck do you even have those in the first place? They are ridiculous. Lame. You look like a loser. TAKE THEM OUT!

2. If you are an attorney, take off your sunglasses. Yes, dweeb, I am talking to you. The guy who was in court with me today. It was raining. Yes, raining. Cloudy. Rain. No sun. Even if I could believe you needed them on, you didn't need them on when you took the elevator up three floors and walked to the end of the hall. That was plenty of time to take off your $20 blu-block rip offs. You aren't Alex Roidriguez. Yes, Roidriguez. You are some attorney who can't freaking tell time. 10am hearing means 10am, not 11am. You are not so important that everyone should have to sit around and wait for you.

While we are on it, wear a suit. Yes, a suit. Not some $50 blazer you bought at J. Crew thinking it would make you cool. It doesn't. Once you are over 25, you should not shop at J. Crew anymore, unless they have a J. Clueless store near you for guys over 25 who think they are still in college. Get over yourself. Sheesh.