Park Fights

So I am at baseball practice tonight with my son. The kids are 7 or so. There are 11 kids at practice and the parents. So, maybe about 30 people total. This is a nice park. The parents are talking. Over at the basketball court, 4 guys are playing 2 on 2 - and not very well. A group of about 8 to 10 people walk past the basketball court. They get about 30 yards away when we hear them exchanging words with the guys who were playing. One guy playing basketball takes off his shirt and starts running his mouth - and not very well. (Trust me - as a guy who runs a LOT of smack, if you are going to do it, it better be good. Go funny or go home!)

And it goes downhill from there. The group walks over to the basketball players. Words are exchanged. I call 911. And it gets worse! While I am on the phone, a car pulls up. A guy pulls out a gun and sticks it down his pants. He speeds off. The big group goes away. The 4 guys playing basketball jump in their car and leave.

Okay, now you have the facts. Ready for the rant?

First, who the hell gets in a fight at a playground anymore? Didn't that stop in the 80s? I mean, sure kids at elementary school are playing and start pushing and shoving. But, these guys were in high school and were going to fight in a park. Can you name anything more lame than that? Well, okay, besides Cheney shooting someone while hunting.

Second, a guy comes up with a gun? I mean, if you are dumb enough to get into a fight, why are you bringing a gun? I know - so you can show everyone how tough you are. Having a gun doesn't make you tough. It makes you a coward. A big fat piece of crap coward. A big fat piece of crap low life coward.

Third, who calls your boy and tells him to bring a gun to a fight? If you are tough enough to get in a fight, take your whooping like a man. Don't have your boy bring a gun. You are the tough guy who took off your shirt to show your muscles. So, stand there and let the 8 people in the other group kick your backside up one side of the park and down the other. I mean, really, if you think you are that great of a fighter, then stand there and fight.

Fourth, when you take off your shirt to show everyone your muscles, you are really screaming "Look at me. I am a girly man. I must show off my body." The baddest guys I know don't walk around showing anyone their muscles. And they can kick most people's rumps no matter how much junk they have in their trunk. The guy who has to show everyone is doing it to put on an act. And it is a bad act. If I wanted to see a shaved chest that you oiled up to look cool, I would watch bodybuilding contests on ESPN 16. But, I don't want to see that so I stick to ESPN 1 through 10.

Seriously, this is ridiculous. A fight at a park with kids playing baseball. And a guy bringing a gun. You are all dumbasses. My left testicle is smarter than all 15 of you - combined. No wait, that is not fair. I think it is my right one that is smarter than all 15 of you combined. Of course, it is academic since I don't think most of you know your right from your left.

Here is an idea: if you want to fight, do it in your house. And if you want your boy to bring his gun, he should shoot you first.

PS to the Police: I still don't know what kind of gun it was. My peeps don't carry guns.