Hastags, Social Media and Morons - oh my

You see, I could go on a hate rant right now. I could go off on a whole bunch of dumb people and explain why I hate them. But that wouldn't be fun. I mean, anyone can do that. I think I am going to mock them instead. Isn't it more fun that way, anyway? Besides, if I don't do it, who will? If not now, then when? If not because, then why? If not this, then what? If not here, then where? If not on a blog, then how? Sorry, I thought I would start by mocking those who take things too seriously. This blog is for fun. So fun it shall be. Without further ado, here are my thoughts on hashtags and social media experts.

What the hell is up with the use of hashtags? Fine, I did a mini-rant about this on Facebook.  But that is limited to people who are my friends on Facebook - all 2 of them. For the rest of you, what is the deal with #? I don't get it. Fine, if you are on twitter or instagram or Facebook even and you put "#" in front of something, it becomes some weird link and people can search for it. Great. Whatever.

The problem is that people then write sentences like this: "#I #am #a #hashtag #loser." Seriously, every word begins with the freaking hashtag. Or they do this, which is even more annoying: "#iamgoingtosqueezeallofmywordstogetherinonelongwordsonoonecanfigureoutwhatthehellthissaysandthen theyaregoingtogocrazytryingtoreadit."(Seriously, you try to type a sentence like that and see how hard it is. Your hands naturally hit the space bar after every word. And speaking of space bars, who remembers when the computer keyboard used to have "Space Bar" written on the space bar so you knew what it is? ME ME ME!)

You do know that your beloved hashtag was called a pound sign or number sign before twitter, right? Seriously, if you are not old enough to know that, you should be banned from using the stupid symbol. Stop it. Please? The world is a better place without the hashtag. Or, as you would say #yourstipudhashtagssuckandyoushouldbetakenoutbackandbeatenforoveruseofthem."

I am so sick and tired of social media experts. Everyone knows everything about social media. Really? You do? Then why does my blog on debt collectors do better than all of your crap? I seriously wrote 3 paragraphs a week ago about a phone number. A single phone number. First freaking page of Google - every time. I get more calls now about that phone number than I care to get. But you guys are the freaking experts, right?

Look, social media is interesting. It can be dynamic. But too many "experts" don't know jack about it. First, if you need to tell me you are an expert, you aren't. I can tell the people who are good at it and the people who blow chunks, yes, I said blow chunks, at it. The first sign is the dufus who tells everyone how good he is at it.

Second, if you were that good at it, you would have so much freaking money that my $50 per month budget would not be the difference between paying the mortgage and not paying the mortgage. Seriously. Its $50.

Third, I would get so much less spam than I get now. I get that you have "secret resources" that help you get email addresses. But "dude@mydomain.com" is not a valid email address. Its crap. It is you spamming me. You don't know what my email address is. You are just guessing that I have a catchall set up and I will see it. And, yes, I do have a catchall since some people can't spell my first name - which isn't that hard and is in my domain name!

Fourth, not everything has to be exploited for commercial gain. And this goes for you non-social media experts too. Look, there is more to life than making a buck. One day I may share the story of how I learned that but this is supposed to be funny, not sad, so I won't do it now. But it is okay to post things about life, having fun, enjoying things. Not everything has to be about how you can make a buck. So go screw yourselves for ruining this. Yes, screw yourself. Not someone else. Just yourself!

There, now I feel bad. #so #will #all #of #the #social #media "#experts" #go #stand #up #and #jump #in #a #lake #with #concrete #or #maybe #takealongwalkoffashortpier #or #maybe #just #GO #AWAY. (You actual folks who understand this can stay. I still like you!)