I am officially an asshole

(If you cant tell by the title, there is profanity in this.)

Yep, I have decided that as of now, 9:11pm on June 26, 2012 I am an asshole. You can write it down. I am so fucking tired of being the nice guy. You know the saying that nice guys finish last. That is bullshit. Nice guys get screwed - and not the good kind. They get screwed like in Deliverance - without the KY. (Sorry, if I have to explain that, you shouldn't be reading this.)

You see, being a nice guy means people want to take advantage of you. Yes, I gave you some advice on the phone. I am glad that advice was good for you and you negotiated a settlement with your bank. I am glad you are saving $24,000. You want me to review the settlement agreement? Fine. I don't think asking for $250 to review a document and put my fucking ass on the line is asking too much. You do? Then you can suck my ****.

You signed a lease and want to get out of it? Good. I am glad you think its okay to screw your landlord. You want my help? Fine. $500 to review the lease and provide you with your options. What, that's too much for you? Fuck you. $500 isn't much especially since I know you are the loser who will spend the next 3 days asking me more questions. It would work out to like $20 per hour. I know, that is still good money. But I have a fucking law degree. $20 an hour for a lawyer is dirt cheap. You think someone else is going to talk to you for $500. Sure. $500 to get in the door. Piece of crap.

You want to fight an eviction AND get a restraining order against your landlord? Not possible. The court is not going to give you a restraining order against the person who owns the house you live in and let you stay there. You cannot have your fucking cake and eat the crap too. Sorry. Oh, it is my fault? Yeah, I guess it is my fault for not taking your money and running. I guess it is my fault for not screwing you out of money. I guess I should have taken your money, lost, and then said "Sorry. But I got paid."

I am sorry. People just suck. I take payments. You can't make a payment? Fine. Just let me know. Three months later? Now I have a problem. I am the asshole? Really? Do you think anyone else would have taken your case? Do you think anyone else would have made a $100,000 plus debt go away forever AND taken payments? And not charged you $100,000. I could have billed the crap out of that file. I didn't. I tried to work with you. Could you just pay the fucking money?

Wait, the best. You paid me to show up and try your case. That does not mean I show up at the time of trial having done no work. I spent hours getting ready. I showed up and the debt collector piece of crap dismissed their lawsuit. Completely. You don't have to pay back like $20,000. And you want a refund? Seriously. You are a bigger piece of shit then the debt collector. Take your fucking money.

Oh, and it is not just work. How many times have people said "Can you help me out?" When do I say no? NEVER. NOT ONE FUCKING TIME! I need help and they scurry like cocks, er cockroaches in the light. Fine. Scatter. You are a piece of crap. I dont have to say yes. Next time you say "Can you help me out?" You know what my answer is going to be? NO NO NO NO NO! Is that clear? NO! Oh, you don't understand. Let me try this "NO. FUCK OFF!" Is that clearer? I hope so.

Your sick? Im sorry. Your kid is sick? Im sorry. Im sick and what the fuck do I get from you? Nothing. Seriously. 400 friends on facebook. I dont know how many phone numbers in my phone. If I dont pick up the phone and call you, do you call me? Of course not. So, you know what, dont email me. Dont call me. I wont do it either. How does that work for you?

I am so fucking sick and tired of people. Really. I try to be nice. I try to do the right thing. And it gets me nothing. (Okay, not completely nothing. I can count about 10 folks who I know I could count on if I need them.) For the most part, it gets me nothing. Not one single piece of crap thing from 99% of the world.

So you know what. Dont ask me how I am. I am probably crappy. I am probably pissed off or in a bad mood. I probably got some bad news. You dont fucking care. Dont pretend like you do. Oh, and if you dont want to pay me, dont fucking call me. If you dont want my advice, dont ask. You dont want my opinion, then dont ask for that either. I promise not to share.

Is that fucking clear enough? I am now officially an asshole.