On people

I am just done with people. I went for funny last night - and it fell flat. I know. I went back and re-read it. It was no Marijuana Smokers Against Kellogg (http://randomrants08.blogspot.com/2009/02/marijuana-smokers-against-kellogg.html). It was no PETA, Orcas and Courts - Oh My! (http://randomrants08.blogspot.com/2012/04/peta-orcas-and-courts-oh-my.html) It was not even one of my early Pitbull rants. (Dude still sucks!) So, let me go back to doing what I do best.

What the hell is wrong with people? I just give up. Really. I do. People blow. No, people who blow are good. People bite. Biting is bad. Lets see...4 groups of people who suck so much they make me want to give up on people altogether. (Well, except my wife, my kids, and my good friends - all 2 of them.) Why 4 you ask? Not because I couldn't come up with 5. But because 4 was my number in soccer. So there is a reason to it!

Number 4............people who use you for their own PR. Look, any news is good news, right? Maybe. I think it might be true. But dont fucking use me to get your PR. I know you have to run for office again. I know you enjoy being in the spotlight. Good for you. I don't do things because I want to be in the spotlight. In fact, I prefer to come up with an idea and then let other people be the person who is out there. I have to put up with some nonsense because its mine. I get it. But if you are going to come out to my event, be it a soccer game for charity, or anything else, you sure as hell better not use me for your own PR. If you want your picture taken with me, you better know who I am 2 weeks, 2 months, even 2 years later. If you cant remember who I am, then maybe you dont need to use me. If your memory is really that crappy, then move on with life. Go do something else. Because I sure as hell promise you that I won't come out, get some PR out of something you are doing and then forget who you are. I probably wont come out at all. I will just sit there and mind my own business. If I come out, its because its a good cause, not because I want to use you or your event. Is it really asking too much? You want a picture smiling, shaking my hand? You want to put it up on your website? Fine. But then you sure as hell better remember me when I post something on twitter or facebook or rip you online. Because I will........I just wont use your name this time. I am still too nice.

Number 3............people who use you for your skills, but wont reciprocate.  Look, you need someone to yell at someone? I will do it. You want to start some piece of crap non profit? I can do that. You want to start a charter school? I could do that. I won't, but I could. You want someone to fire someone? I can even do that. But when I do it, is it really asking for too much that when I ask you to, say, help me promote a charity event, you spend 2 minutes helping me? Trust me, my time is worth something. My hourly rate is ridiculously high. I admit it. But even my not billable time is worth something. And I have spent more than 5 hours helping you. Is it really that hard to spend 2 minutes and at least pretend like you care about my project? Is it? Are you that bad an actor? Hell, even I act like I like you and you can't figure that out. Man up and help. Or tell me you don't care enough to help. But at least fucking respond.

Number 2.........people who want a donation from you all the time but can't manage to donate to your causes. Look, I do like 3 fundraisers a year. I dont hit my friends or acquaintances up for every cookie fundraiser my kids do. I dont ask you to buy wrapping paper or cheesy cards or some such nonsense. I do like 3 that are important to me. A - Buy $2 freaking blue light bulbs for one night a year. B - Donate to a walk I did. C - Support my stupid soccer game. Volunteer, play or donate. Is that asking too much? Apparently it is. Look, we all have money problems. I get it. I dont expect everyone to donate. But if you are going to ask me to vote for your cause on Facebook or some other website or if you are going to ask me for money, then you sure as hell better return the favor. If you can't look me in the face and say you will help me, why should I spend my time helping you? If you have a good reason, just tell me. If you are against my causes, then let me know. If you think I am a douchebag, then tell me. But dont ask me for money when you wont do the same for me.

Number 1...........people..............okay, so not all people, but people who are all buddy, buddy when they need something, but the minute you need something, they have forgotten you. You know what makes this worse? People who you helped out when they were in a bind so they didnt look like complete incompetent idiots. You know the folks. "Hey, we have a problem. Can you do this for us?" And you say, sure, I can help you out. Then, a year later, you? Who are you? I have no idea who you are. Oh, you? Yeah, sorry, I totally forgot. We got someone else to do that. We dont need you now. Really? Really? What the fuck? So when you need help, I am there. When I ask, you dont even know who I am. Oh, you forgot about me? Great. Watch me forget about you. I can do that fairly easily.

Sadly, I know a lot of these folks. Er, knew a lot of these folks. Well, I guess I still know them. I just wont talk to them. Anymore. Ever. Again. Watch my list of "friends" on Facebook shrink. Quickly. 416 "friends?" Yeah, I dont think so. Maybe more like 400 and 16 people who I dont have time for in my life because you can't be around to help me out when I need help. Fuck you. What? You couldn't hear that? THEN FUCK YOU YOU PIECE OF CRAP. Was that better? Trust me, I am loud enough I can wake the dead. I can get the deaf guy down the street to hear me. You dont believe me? Ask the guys I play soccer with. I am so loud that I broke a decible meter noise kit. I make a frickin jet at take off sound like rustling leaves. (That is funny. Look it up if you dont get it.)


So, Dear People in Categories 4 through 1: Bye. I wish you nothing but the best in life. I hope things work out for you. They just wont work out with me in your life. Sincerely, Me