T2: Rage Against the Machine

I hoped I was done with this topic. I mean, how much can you exploit children for profit? Apparently, a lot. Are you listening Disney? Not that Disney would do this. After all, the munchkins weren't child labor violations - they were big people, well, big little people. I mean, adult little people. You know, like Little Couple on TLC. Disney would never exploit the Mouseketeers to make money. At least they were cute, though.

Freaking TLC is back at it - Toddlers and Tiaras - Trainwreck Two. (Dang, that is some fine alliteration. I think I should get an award for that. I hereby give myself the 1st Monthly Awesome Amazing Alliteration Award. I would like to thank the little people who helped me get this. No, not those little people. I am done with those little people. I mean the little people - like the toddlers who are on this show who give me fodder for the blog.) I mean, if season 1 wasn't bad enough, they had to go with season 2. What's worse, Toddlers and Tiaras or Peter Brown on Whale Wars? That is a tough one. Peter Brown almost cost the lives of his entire crew. The kids on Toddlers aren't at fault - their crazy parents are.

So, I watched the first 10 minutes of this show and I saw parenting that makes Kate Gosselin look like Mother Theresa. Heck, it makes Michael Jackson look like Dr. Spock. Do these people know what jerks they are before they go on the show? Are they truly surprised after when they look like creeps of the worst kind?

First was some lady who had 5 daughters. Under 6. Yes, 5. And they all compete against each other in pageants. Now, I get competition. It is healthy. But this lady was a whack job. She had two daughters who were fraternal twins. Although, I am pretty sure she called them paternal twins. But whats a p between Friends? (Go back and watch the jellyfish episode and that is funny!) She said one daughter is the pretty one and one is not. Huh? You just told one daughter she is ugly? What the hell? Where did you go to parenting school, North Korea?

Oh, and the pretty one looks like mom. Really? Mom, do you really want her to think she looks like you? I have seen people with their insides on the outside and no facial features and they look better than you. The rabbit at the local pet store had smaller front teeth sticking out than you. And you think she looks like you? Then she should probably get use to hearing this: "U-G-L-Y, You don't need no alibi, You Ugly, Hey, Hey, You Ugly." (My apologies to that fine film Wildcats.)

This was just pathetic. I mean, the girls were cute little girls. But that is exactly what they were - cute little girls. Don't pretend they are beauty queens, like momma called them. You are a disgrace to moms.

Coming in a close second was the mom who put her boys in a pageant. Boys. Two of them. One was 5 and one was 2. Two weeks. 14 days. 336 hours. He was going to be in the pageant. At 2 weeks old. Why would you put a 2 week old in a pageant? She wanted to see if he has stage presence. Huh? Stage presence? Stop smoking the green stuff and admit it - you wanted prize money you greedy, greedy woman. You wanted to see if you could get a little extra cash money for yourself.

And the 5 year old. Boy. Pageant. NO! I am sorry, maybe I am old fashioned, or maybe I am just old. Boys do not do pageants. Never, ever, ever. Its just not right. What the heck were you thinking? Come here little Tommy and I will put you in a beauty pageant. BEAUTY? He is a boy. Boy's are cute, handsome, whatever, but not beauties. Is anyone really going to find it odd if that kid is 20 and wants a sex change or is on the clock tower? Really? Be honest. His mom put him in a pageant. A lot of pageants. And she thought this was a good thing.

TLC, please, I am begging you. Stop. No, not with this train wreck. Go off the air. Your programming looks like it was designed by a 10 year old who thinks flatulence is funny. Why must you continue with this nonsense? Next you might want to go with "Big Couple, Little World." Or how about "Pedophiles and Prisons." Or maybe you can run a show called "What the hell were we thinking." Or how about "Dang, we are dumb." Please, that bandwidth could be used for a test patter and it would be better tv.