Baz Luhrmann was right

Well, for the most part he was right. I was driving today and this song came on from 1999. I probably haven't heard it since 1999 either. But it stopped me and made me think. Here is the video, if you want to see it: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MQlJ3vOp6nI  So let me jump to the things that stuck out at me.

1. Enjoy the power and beauty of your youth; oh nevermind; you will not understand the power and beauty of your youth until they have faded. How truth this is. Isn't it like youth is wasted on the young. I remember making a comment to my dad about old dudes driving convertibles. Of course, at the time, he was 51 and had 2 convertibles. I had impeccable timing. Anyway, he told me that when we are young and want a convertible, at least a good one, none of this Cabriolet crap or whatever nonsense they are making, we can't afford them. By the time we can afford them, we can't really appreciate driving them. I am glad my wife let me buy one when I was still in my 30s.

We don't really appreciate the power and beauty of our youth. We don't have the experience to appreciate it. And when some old fart like me tells some 16 year old to enjoy it, they look at me like I am crazy. Hell, my own kids look at me like I am crazy when I tell them to slow down and enjoy being a kid. I don't have a solution. I do, however, recognize the problem. Kids, really, you only get to be young once. And as much as I can still act like a kid, I can never BE a kid again. I have all of the problems and responsibilities of being an adult. And it isn't that much fun. Trust me.

2. Don’t worry about the future; or worry, but know that worrying is as effective as trying to solve an algebra equation by chewing bubblegum. I don't think I can change my future. I think it just is what it is, to borrow a stupid, overused expression. My future is going to happen. There will be more good than bad. There will be more happy than sad. I don't have the ability to avoid that. Bad happens. Sad happens. You want proof? Go back and read the prior posts here. I don't think worrying makes it any better.

You know what does help? Preparation. Usually, the bad crap doesn't happen out of the blue. We have some preparation for it. When you can prepare, you realize its not quite as bad as you think it is going to be - at least, that usually is true. Take a deep breath and realize that you can overcome the bad. Someone once told me that God never gives you more than you can handle. I am not sure that is totally accurate, but I think humans have a capacity for absorbing more bad than we realize. We find a way to handle it, grow from it, and move on. You have to. The alternative just isn't worth the pain it causes. I know that too.

3. Do one thing everyday that scares you. Okay, so everyday may be overkill. But do one thing everyday that pushes your comfort zone. Take on a challenge that you didn't think you could do. When I play my soccer games, I like the challenge of defending the best guy on the field, the best guy on the other team, the bigger guy. Am I going to succeed? Probably not. I am at least a decade older than those guys, shorter, slower. I get it. But I am going to push it. I may grab a shirt now and then. I may get the shoulder into them. But I am going to do it.

My buddy Mike Fitzpatrick reminded me once of the Untied Way. It was really outside of my comfort zone. Get some money and give it to the homeless folks you run into, whether they are going to buy a cup of coffee with it or snort coke. Its not up to you. I do it every year now. It has made an impression, not just on my kids, who go with me, but on me as well.

4. Don’t be reckless with other people’s hearts, don’t put up with people who are reckless with yours. You know what the greatest gift you can give is? Its not money. Its not a toy. Its your heart. Its your love. You can't give it to everyone. You don't want to give it to everyone. You find someone special and give it to that person. (Or persons, since there are parents, kids, siblings, weird plural marriages that I still don't understand.) No one can make you give it to them. No one can take it from you.

But if you give it and someone is reckless with it, screw them. Because with the great gift, there is great potential for hurt. That hurt is unlike anything else. Be careful with it. Be safe with it. And do not let anyone tell you it is anything less than the most amazing gift people can give.

5. Remember the compliments you receive, forget the insults; if you succeed in doing this, tell me how. So true, so simple, so hard to do. Look, I run my mouth more than anyone else I know. I talk smack like its breathing. But, 95% of it is in good fun. 5% of it is because I am pissed. You know the difference. I know insults hurt. Its why that 5% exists.

I have had a young associate tell me that I wasn't smart enough to work at his law firm. Talk about an insult. I have also had other attorneys hire me to do things they could do for themselves. Talk about a compliment. The compliments mean so much. Most insults, especially the idiotic ones, come from someone else's rage. I admit it - sometimes mine do. I know. The ones where I mean to hurt you come from a different place. But those are infrequent. We need to remember the good that people see in us and take those compliments as a source of pride.

6. Don’t feel guilty if you don’t know what you want to do with your life…the most interesting people I know didn’t know at 22 what they wanted to do with their lives, some of the most interesting 40 year olds I know still don’t.  This is my dad personafied. (I may not have spelled that right, but screw it. Its my blog.) He always wanted to be a pharmacist. So he got a degree in pharmacy. Then he got a master's degree in pharmacy. Then he realized he hated being a pharmacist so he went back to school to get his PhD in pharmaceutical chemistry. And the world is a better place because he didn't know what he wanted to do with his life at 22. The world is a better place because he wasn't sure what he wanted to do even after getting his PhD.

I dont know if I have ever told this story before. But here goes. I was 14 years old and an underachieving freshman in high school. My guidance counselor told my parents to take me to a psychologist. So I met with a psychologist. At the end of the meeting, she called my parents in. She announced her rocket scientist like findings: I didn't know what I wanted to do with my life. I was 14 years old. Of course I didn't know what I wanted to do with my life. My dad stood up, told her that she was a nut job, and we left. I never went back again. I still underachieved in high school (although I did better after I started dating my wife) and I underachieved in college. I finally started doing well when I was 22 and figured out what I wanted to do with my life. There is absolutely no need to worry about what you want to do with your life. You will figure it out. I am sure of it.

7. Enjoy your body, use it every way you can…don’t be afraid of it, or what other people think of it, it’s the greatest instrument you’ll ever own.  Be happy with your body, whether you are 5'2 and 100lbs or 5'2 and 200lbs or 6'5 and 100lbs. It doesn't matter what other people think if you are happy with your body. They don't have to live in it. You do.

And use it. Try new things. I never thought of doing martial arts until my son started. Then I busted my butt at it until I got good at it. It was new. But don't give up the old things. I still play soccer every week (or almost every week). 34 years now. Sheesh, pushing 35 years. That's a long time. But it is what I do. I am a soccer player, still, after all of these years.

I am going to retire my shoes from last week, however. I wore them on the day my wife's grandmother passed away. 3 goals that week. I wore them a week later, after we had to bury her. 3 goals that week. Done. When a wrestler retires he leaves his shoes in the middle of the ring. I am leaving these shoes in the garage never to be worn again. Its a tribute to grandma, who never saw me play, but who deserves a tribute and its the most fitting tribute I can come up with.

8, 9 and 10: Get to know your parents, you never know when they’ll be gone for good. Be nice to your siblings; they are the best link to your past and the people most likely to stick with you in the future. Understand that friends come and go,but for the precious few you should hold on. Work hard to bridge the gaps in geography and lifestyle because the older you get, the more you need the people you knew when you were young.  This is a 3-fer. I would call it a 3-peat but then I would have to pay Pat Riley a couple of bucks and its simply not worth it. (Honest, Pat Riley has a copyright on the expression 3-peat. Such nonsense.)

Goodness, how I wish I had followed the first part of this more closely. Get to know your parents. You know, I can't complete my family tree because I don't know enough about my family. There are gaps that are missing. I never have the chance to fill those in. I know my dad was writing a book about his life. I also know that book was never finished and is gone. His thoughts, his notes, his ideas. Gone. I don't get that back. Your parents, the people who raised you, may be the most important people in your life, at least for the first 18 or 20 years and possibly longer. My dad was the most important male role model in my life. He was my hero. Its been almost 10 years of not having that person in my life.

Siblings, however, are another story. My sister died. No one told me. Well, after the funeral my mom told me. But no one told me when she was dying or when she died. My brother doesn't talk to me. My mom asked me, as she lay on her bed, dying, to call and make up. I called. I left a message. I tried during the next 3 weeks as she suffered while she was dying. It was never reciprocated. I guess its not my fault. But it doesn't always feel like it. I wish my brother would talk to me. But I can't make him or force him. Kind of sucks.

Friends................they do come and go. I have 439 "friends" on facebook. I have had more at times. I would ballpark it as 600 "friends" who I have had at one point or another. But the precious few? A dozen? Maybe. I have a friend or two from when I was growing up. They know who they are. I have a few friends now. But the number of friends you can count on when the chips are down? Its very few. Do a simple test. Unfriend a dozen people. See how many notice. I had one "friend" who didn't notice for 6 months that she was unfriended. I guess we weren't really friends at all. After all, wouldn't you notice if someone just disappeared? Maybe not. Maybe that is the problem.

Maybe Facebook or Myspace or these other sites have made it too easy to have "friends" but havent changed what a friend is. Maybe we should call them "people we used to know" on Facebook and leave friends for those people who would drive 500 miles to help you or kick the crap out of someone who hurts you. Maybe a friend is someone who you can call and cry to, even if you are a guy. Do we really have friends like that? I am sure but they are precious few. And when you find them, hold on to them.

I don't know Baz Luhrmann from Bath Salts. But dude was not an idiot. He had some ideas that really make sense. Sadly, I think most people, me included, forgot these basic lessons. I think its time for a reminder. I am glad this came on the radio tonight.