I was asked to give a talk and had about a month to come up with a topic. It took me until the week of the talk to come up with a topic and even then, it wasn't just me.
A friend of mine sent me an article from Atlantic Monthly. The article was about a woman with a special needs child who was grateful for what she had, even though she couldn't do things that a lot of her friends could do. I shared the article with my wife who then shared with me a quote from the Talmud (you can figure out what the Talmud is here: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Talmud): “Who is rich? The one who appreciates what he has.” (Pirkei Avot 4:1)
So, what does this mean. I have two stories about people who may be unappreciative. We have all heard of the Olympic Badminton scandal. This isn’t the badminton you learned in gym class in high school. These folks hit the shuttlecock, yes, that is what it is called, at like 100mph. They are some of the best badminton players in the world. And what did they do? They tried to lose. They wanted to lose. You are an Olympic athlete. You are the best of the best at your sport and you want to lose? I don’t understand that.
Then there are those parents. You know the type. “My kid wont sit still” or “my kid is the biggest brat in the world” or “my kid wont sit in the car.” We all know the type. Those folks are never happy and their kids are always wrong. These folks aren’t happy with their kids unless they are perfect, going to Harvard (or Yale or Princeton), and do all of their hobbies perfectly. They have to be the star and have the best manners.
In
the Old Testament, there are prayers that are to be said every day. Very few
people actually do this, but they are there. The day is supposed to begin with
a series of simple blessings thanking God for things that we take for granted.
These are :
- “Thank you, God, for giving me life.”
- “Thank God I can see.”
- “Thank God I can use my hands and feet.”
- “Thank God I can think.”
A
close reading, shows that none of these prayers are about material things.
There is no prayer thanking God for a house or food or even our children. These
prayers are about being alive, about the gift of sight, use of our hands and
the ability to think, an ability that separates us from some animals.
Judaism
recognizes that true happiness comes from appreciating and consciously enjoying
what is already good in your life. There is no focus on what is missing in life.
It’s the missing that brings the sadness. When we focus on what we have, we
have true happiness.
You
see, God gave us gifts not just so we have these things, like birds, trees,
flowers, and animals. That is only half of it. The other half is making
ourselves aware of these gifts. That means we stop and smell the flowers, we
appreciate the birds chirping (maybe not at 3 am outside of our bedroom
window), we appreciate the fact that we are alive.
I
talked with a client on Friday. I asked him how he was doing and he said “I am
breathing and on this side of earth. Its always a good day that way.” It made
sense. It worked well with my theme and I am glad I talked to him on Friday.
I
think its simple. The parents who constantly complain about their kids, the
Olympic athletes, they are both missing this. They do not appreciate what they
have. They are always thinking about what is missing. What my kid does not do
right, what deficiencies my child has. The badminton players were thinking
about how to create a better matchup in the next round and not thinking about
the fact that many of us would trade anything to be an Olympic athlete. That is
what makes the Paralympics and Special Olympics so great: those athletes
appreciate what they have.
My
oldest son has been in LA for 15 months now. He hasn’t lived at home in 7
years. I could complain about this. But my son was adopted. My other two sons
are his biological brothers. If I never had him, I would never have the other
two. Without those two, we never would have had our daughter. (Trust me, it
runs in my family. You have to adopt before you can have a biological child.) So,
while I could whine and bitch and moan about what is missing, I would rather
appreciate what we have – 4 kids who I love and adore.
I
think the important thing is to notice and appreciate what you have. Once you
do that, then you will always be happy.
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