Someone, please tell me. Okay, save the jokes. Why don't sharks eat lawyers? Professional courtesy. How can you tell when a lawyer is lying? His mouth is moving. yeah, yeah, yeah, I get it. Been there, done that. Most aren't funny. Sorry.
But, seriously, what the hell is wrong with lawyers? Are we dumb? Stupid? Or do we think that the rules of society do not apply to us because we have a JD? Or are we just asses?
I get a deposition notice in the mail today. Its for my wife's due date. I write a nice simple letter back explaining that she is due on that date and that I am not scheduling things for a few weeks before and a few weeks after. I mean, most people who work for big companies take paternity leave. Heck, I have a friend (Can I call you a friend?) who works for a small company and took time off when his son was born. I think its just a common understanding. After all, she didn't get pregnant by herself. At least, that is what I am told. Really, is this so unreasonable?
So, dude calls me up. Actually, dude is too nice. Dweeb calls me up. No, dweeb is too nice. DB (douche bag) calls me up. (I am the only one who remembers the commercial for Summer's Eve. Mom and daughter are walking on the beach and the daughter looks at mom and says "Mom. Can I ask you a personal question? Do you douche?" Seriously, would anyone actually ask that to their mom. I am buying a coffee for anyone who can prove to me that they would say that to their mom. And not a cheap McCafe coffee, but a real Starbucks coffee. Venti size. Extra hot, 2 1/2 pump, caf and a half, with whip.) Anyway, where was I? Oh yeah, DB calls me up and says "We are proceeding with the deposition that day anyway and you need to find a contract attorney."
In the real world, people say "Oh, your wife is expecting. Congratulations. Let me see what we can do to work around your schedule." Or maybe "Congratulations. Lets worry about this after." But, not attorneys. At least not DB. DB thinks that his case is so important that he should ignore the fact that its my wife's due date and take his deposition anyway.
Um, not sure if he gets this, but his case is about money. And money that my client is paying back weekly. Its not like his client needs to get any information since my client is paying his client back. Quickly. And my wife is having a baby. A little person. A human being. She grew a finger last week. She might grow another finger next week.
Lets compare: person versus money? Actually, person versus money that is being repaid? Not really that big of a deal. But apparently it is to this guy. Here is an idea: stop being an a****** and start being a person. I am sure your client would love to know that you are a DB and think his money is more important than a person. I mean, I think my clients would be mortified if I told them that I thought taking a deposition is more important than someone being with his wife when she is having a baby.
Hey DB - here is an idea: Go douche yourself and let me know how that feels. Until then, there is not going to be a deposition anywhere near when my wife delivers.
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3 comments:
Can't wait for the judge's reaction to your (presumed) motion for a protective Order. You should get the depo move and have the opportunity to show the judge just what kind of counsel the opposition has.
Of course, you must know your judge, as I assume you do.
Good Luck.
Let me know when you want a guest post! But seriously, so many lawyers I know check their humanity and good sense at the door. They lose sight of the big picture and even the goals of their clients' cases. As a general rule, I do find that as lawyers acquire more experience they tend to relax a little bit, but of course that is not always true. The hardest thing for me to explain to clients is how the opposing side can drive up the costs of their case, and how I have no control over what OC does. How insane is that?
Hoo boy, do I hear you!! I will never forget the ONE attorney who refused to change a damn thing (or even acknowledge my loss) when my mother died. Every other opposing counsel (even the big jerks) backed off and agreed to extend deadlines, move deposition dates, etc. This woman, I think she's either a Vulcan (but that's too cool) or a robot.
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