What the BLEEP is wrong with you BLEEPING BLEEPERS?

(WARNING: THIS RANT IS FILLED WITH PROFANITY. DO NOT READ IF YOU DO NOT APPROVE OF THAT LANGUAGE!)

As much as I wanted to make fun of State Sen. Ted Lieu, and I did, I am going to have to postpone that to make fun of some other douchebags first.

So I was at the park today. I was there with 6 little kids. They ranged from 2 to 14. Fine, 14 isn't little, but they were 2, 3, 4, 9, 11 and 14. So little enough! There is a nice park. There is, unfortunately, also a softball field there. As we get to the playground, there is a group of 15 guys and a few women on the softball field taking batting practice. FOR SLOW PITCH SOFTBALL!

Don't even get me started on why you need batting practice for slow pitch softball. I am pretty sure I can hit a slow pitch softball and I haven't swung a bat in over a decade. Its a freaking big yellow ball. It goes higher than your head at about 2 mph. Then it comes down and you SWING THE FUCKING BAT. Its not rocket science. Seriously, if anyone reading this is offended and thinks I can't do it, I will put up $20 to your favorite charity if I can't hit the ball 8 times out of 10. If I do it, you owe me $20 to my favorite charity. Any takers? OF COURSE NOT! Its slow pitch softball.

Anyway, here is the conversation that I had the joy of listening to:

Pitcher "Come on, bitch, lets see how you do it."
(At this point, I am looking around for a female dog, but all I see are other morons on the field.)
Batter "Fuck you man. I can hit this shit."
Pitcher "I dont think you can hit my shit."
Batter "Let me see what you got bitch."

The batter then hits the ball, a grounder, to the 3rd base side. At which point I hear "FUCK!" This is followed by a few more swings at the BIG YELLOW BALL, followed by "FUCK" a bit louder every time. After the fourth fuck, which is different from the fourth fucking, which, lets face it, would be pretty sweet, unless they are slow pitch softball dudes doing the fucking (those guys have really big guts and really small pricks), I say "Could you watch the language please? There are little kids over here."

One would then realize that I am a moron. Why would softball guy possibly watch his language? After all, he thinks SLOW PITCH SOFTBALL is a sport. So the douchebag batter, dressed in his red t-shirt, shorts that go way past his knees and look like he is wearing kulat pants, and matching red shoes (yes, softball dude has his shoes match his oversized t-shirt which is covering his oversized gut), with his red hat, turned backwards of course, yells "FUCK! FUCK! FUCK!" Then he takes another swing, hits another ball like he is a 10 year old girl, wait, that isn't nice to 10 year old girls, I am sure some of them can hit the ball better, and does it again. And again. And again. He apparently thought this was funny.

Let me be clear. I have some friends who play slow pitch softball. They are nice guys. These idiots are completely different. Here is your average slow pitch softball idiot who drops the f-bomb after every swing of his bat:

He is about 27 years old, not surprisingly single, he wears a 42 inch waist on his capris, er, shorts, he has at least one Home Depot orange bucket of balls to make up for his own lack of balls, 6 bats in a special bag in case he breaks AN ALUMINUM BAT, has a 2" dick, and has a vocabulary so small that he is blown away that I had two different words to describe his stupidly long shorts. These guys generally dive trucks that they raised to make up for their small wieners, drive too fast to try to impress women who have no interest in them, and havent actually fucked since senior prom when they had to invite a sophomore to get a date (and to get laid). He hasn't played a sport since he was 12 and even then he sucked so badly his main job was to get water for the rest of the team.

So, dear softball fuckhead, please shut your fucking shithole of a mouth. The world would be a better place without the shit that comes out of your piece of crap mouth. You couldn't put together a complete fucking sentence if I offered you $5 and a picture of a naked lady. Hell, you haven't seen a naked lady other than on the fuck-net, er, internet, and you couldn't get laid if you paid a whore $2,000 because not even she wants your small, ball-less dick in her. So please go back to practicing your pansy-ass game without bothering the rest of the world. And, please do so quietly since even the birds fly the fuck away when you start dropping your profanity as if you are a real man.  Your slow pitch softball skills suck the big one and its not even a real sport. Shut the fuck up and find something productive to do with your days!

Sincerely,

Me