What a weird day

It was such a strange day for me today. And that doesn't include my work. That's just life stuff.

Easy garbage: today is my brother's birthday. He is 8 years older than me. We haven't had a conversation in about a decade. Well, he called me and gave me updates when my mom was dying but other than that, we haven't talked in years. Its probably been more than a decade.

When I was with my mom watching her die, I promised her that I would try to talk to him. I have tried. This year and last year I have sent him a text on his birthday. The response? Silence. Not a single freaking word. Okay, fine. I don't actually expect him to stand up and act like a man at this point in his life. My wife told me I have hope. I don't think its hope. I think its a desire to keep my word to my mom. It doesn't seem to be working, but I guess I will just keep trying. What else can I do?

Hard: It was a rough day dealing with my oldest son. The call came last night that he had to be restrained. Fine. That doesn't surprise me anymore. The phone rings after 9pm and I will make a wager that that is the phone call I am going to get. I can deal with that.

But today was insurance issues. And people not doing what they said they would do. And just making it more complicated. Then my middle kid gets home from school where he was on a week long field trip. YAY! I see a boy there who is on the spectrum and he went on the trip and I think "Fuck." Yes, that is actually what I thought.

I just don't get it. I mean, I get it. Life isn't fair. God doesn't give us more than we can handle. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Sometimes bad things happen to good people. None of that changes this. My almost 13 year old can't do most things a 13 year old does because he has so many issues. And this little boy just reminded me of that.

I am glad this kid can do these things. His parents seem like nice people. I just want, for once, to be able to hang out with my son and do father son things. It just isn't in the cards.

It was a day. I know people have it worse. I just want a fun day once in a while. I don't think that is asking too much.