Where am I in life?

So here I sit. 3 days after my dad's 72nd birthday. And I think. Where am I in life? Where did I want to be? What did I think life would be like?

You know, its interesting the impact of our fathers have on our lives. Well, at least it is for a guy. I dont know about you women-folk seeing as how I am not one of you. Thankfully. (For all of us! )

I was the typical underachiever. No wait, I took underachieving to a whole new level. I made underachieving an art form. I did as little as possible to get by. Homework? HA HA. I did it if I HAD to, but even then, only the minimum. Why do homework when you can take a test, get an A, and end up with a C in the class? 2.0 was my goal so I could stay eligible for the speech team.

I was such an underachiever that my high school suggested I see a psychologist. The shrink agreed - I am an underachiever. Of course, the shrink decided it was because I didn't know what I wanted to do with my life at 14. My dad walked out. (Okay, so there is more to that story, but this works for now.)

24 years later and what do I want to do with my life? I was so sure I knew what I didn't want to do with my life. No science for me. My dad had a fucking PhD in pharmaceutical chemistry. I can barely spell it, let alone explain what the hell it is. So science was out. But, my dad was the classic overachiever. Okay, so is it overachieving if you have are a genius and go on to do those things even if you grew up in a poor house and didn't have any of the advantages? I don't know. Sadly, my dad didn't talk much about his upbringing. Anyway, he went on to succeed in business too.

I clearly recall a conversation in my senior year of high school. I said I didn't want to go into business. Why? I didn't want the comparisons with my dad. There was just no way I was going to succeed to the same level. It wasn't possible. Hell, its still not possible.

So I sit and I think. Did I make the right choices? I know I could have done better in school. But if I did, would I be sitting here today, in this place, in this house, being happy? Life isn't perfect. Far from it. But its better than some.

I guess I have made my decisions. I didn't know the outcome in advance. I wouldn't want to. That takes away the fun. That takes away the adventure. Who was it who said "Its the climb?" Oh yeah, Miley Cyrus. (Don't laugh - it was the song my youngest son sang at his preschool graduation.) Its not about what's waiting on the other side.

I think that is right. Its been a hell of a climb. Some of it good. Some of it bad. Some of it fucking sucked. But its been unpredictable. Its been interesting. Its been exciting. I guess maybe this is a bad time to be down in the dumps. Maybe I need to realize this is just a bump in the road. Its like riding a mountain bike and you hit that big rock. You get back on and go up the mountain some more.

So that is where I am. Its been tough lately. Its been sad. But its been. And that, my friends, is something that no one can take away. I may not always like the ride, but I get to take it. And we have to make the best of it. I don't know where I am in life, but I don't need to know. As long as I wake up every morning and have my family with me and I keep growing as a person, that is all that matters.