Tucker Carlson is a Douche

Dude doesn't even qualify to be a douchebag. That would be too good for him because then he would be useful. Wait, even a douche can be useful. After all, we all remember the Summer's Eve commercials from the late 80s and early 90s. Two women walking on a beach and one looks at the other and says "Mom, can I ask you a personal question? Do you douche?" So what is more useless than a douche? Oh, I know, an idiotic television personality who thinks he is smart or funny or something.

For those of you who missed it, and judging by the ratings that would be most of America, Tucker Carlson says Michael Vick should have been executed for his dogfighting. And in case you have been living in a hole for the last 4 years, or you get your news from Fox News, Michael Vick is a football player who ran a dogfighting ring.

Let me preface this with the fact that I am a dog lover. I always had dogs growing up. I still have dogs. My first dog was Marshmallow, a white Great Pyrennes. Dogs are cool. I also think dogfighting is a heinous crime and one that should be punished. Dogs are, for the most part, defenseless from what we want to do to them. So if some jackass wants to put his dog in a ring with another dog that is going to attack it, the dog can't really say no or call CPS. And if said jackass wants to kill his own dog because the dog isn't a good enough fighter, as Vick did, then the dog doesn't have much of a chance. So, yeah, dogfighting sucks and it is for jackasses.

Vick has no excuse. He saw his first dog fight at 7. Sorry. That must have been a crappy childhood. I couldn't imagine what it would be like to grow up and see dogs fighting and killing each other. Then you have to watch humans bet on this and get enjoyment out of it. Kids growing up watching this must have rough childhoods. I get that. But that is no excuse for doing it as a grown man.

Especially a multi-millionaire who can surround himself with lawyers, agents, PR folks (I recommend Phil Reese at www.prprnewyork.com), and any number of professionals who would tell him that dog fighting is dumb and should be avoided. I know your "boys" are into it and want you to finance it. They probably want you to finance their pimping and pandering and their dealing in the drug trade. Heck, they may want you to finance their purchase of blood diamonds. But you gotta say no.

So on to this Tucker Carlson douche. First, any guy who has as first name that is also a last name can't be trusted. Just go with it. Tucker is a garment maker. I guess this Tucker makes garments of crap. Or maybe his garments are crap. This guy said that Michael Vick is some creepy rich football player who should be executed for dogfighting.

Apparently, Tucker Carlson is perfect. He must live in a glass house. I wonder what is is like to be perfect. Apparently, if you go to some swanky boarding school in New Hampshire and are an heir to some fortune, you are perfect. Oh well, except for that rape accusation made against you that you say is false and that time you talked about the allegedly gay man who you beat up after you claim he touched your junk. I guess when you beat people up and are accused of rape you are perfect.

For the rest of us, we make mistakes. Who among us has not screwed up? I know I have plenty of times. Yet, somehow my friends (my actual friends and not those people who say they are friends but never come around unless they need something) and family forgive me. No one has wanted to see me killed over my mistakes, thank goodness. Heck, we all screw up. Not one among us is perfect. If you think you are perfect, you should take a look in the mirror, unless you are like Casper and don't have a reflection.

Look, I hate what Vick did. But he paid his price. The court sentenced him. He completed that sentence and from everything I read, he was a model citizen while incarcerated. He knows what he did is wrong. He has to live with that every day. He goes and talks to kids about what he did. He can't own a dog and has to explain to his kids why they can't have a dog.

When you screw up, you know you screwed up and you have to deal with it every day. The bigger this mistake, the more you have to deal with it. But the great thing about our country and about the people in our country is that we believe in second chances. You have to do your time. You have to admit you were wrong. And it sucks admitting when you made a mistake. It especially sucks when you have to admit it to those closest to you - like your wife. It sucks when you know you can't blame other people. But you man up, admit your mistake and take your punishment. And when it is done, you get a second chance. That is how it works.

Vick screwed up more than most of us ever will. And he paid his price. He went to prison. He had to file for bankruptcy. He has lost the respect of a lot of people. And every day he looks in the mirror and realizes he screwed up. And he realizes he is lucky that he has a second chance to make a living playing a game.

Tucker Carlson has no place telling anyone that Vick should have been executed. Maybe Tucker (anyone else notice that it rhymes with *ucker) should have had the crap kicked out of him when he beat up that guy in the 80s. Maybe Tucker should be taken out back and flogged for being a host on Fox with no actual credentials. Maybe he should be tied to a post for making such an idiotic statement.

I get it. He is paid to have an opinion. And the more outrageous his opinion, the more people talk about him. And the more they talk about him, the more money he can make. But at some point, you just have to realize that you sound like a complete fool. You sound like you don't understand our system of justice and you don't understand our country. Tucker should go back to his rich private schools and his completely out of touch society and stay away from the rest of America. He has no clue about how real people deal with real problems and while Vick isn't like most of us, we can relate much better to a guy who had a rough upbringing, made it big, lost it bigger, and is now making a comeback. I don't know anyone who can relate to a snotty, boarding school educated punk who has never had a real job in his day or done anything that is productive for the rest of society.

Give Vick a 2nd chance. Give Tucker a timeout - a permanent timeout from television and spouting his nonsense filled hatred.