People can be good

I know my last post was about how people suck. I have been thinking about that. And I was all set to write about more dumb things people do. But I decided too much negativity is a bad thing. So while I will still rant, I am going to try to put a more positive spin on it. This post is in that light. I encourage everyone to read it carefully.

Okay, I admit it. I have been a hypocrite. I know. So today I decided to do something about it. What better day to do it than my youngest son's 7th birthday? It also doubles as the 7 year anniversary of my law firm. So, it seemed fitting. Start the new year, at least the business new year, on a new note.

For years, a friend of mine has posted about "The Untied Way." (No, its not the United Way. It is the untied way - I do know how to spell - usually.) I have read the emails and thought "Huh, that is so nice." But I haven't done anything about it. Heck, I have even forwarded the email to other people. But, I never followed up on it myself.

So, today I am sitting at Starbucks with my son. We are enjoying a muffin and coffee. Well, I am enjoying the coffee. He is enjoying the muffin and an Odwalla. He says he wants to do something for other people. He wants to buy a whole bunch of coffees and pass them out to the homeless people. Great idea, but I can't take 20 coffees in my car. So, what to do? Then it hit me - the Untied Way.

Look, it has been a hard year. I have f-d up more than I care to admit to. I have been a crappy father at time. I have been a crappy husband. I have been a crappy friend. I know it. I have screwed up more in the last 6 months than in the last 6 years. Heck, I have screwed up more in the last 6 months than I did in middle school and high school combined and I was the kid whose parents were told I needed to find a new school for 8th grade since they weren't letting me back to the public school. (You can find the school in one of my Facebook groups. Its funny.)

And so I have done some soul searching. I have tried to figure out what has gone wrong. I still don't know. But I am working on it. (And no, I am not blaming anyone but me. I may be pissed at people and may want to go kick the living crap out of people, but I have to take responsibility for decisions I made.) And I realized today, sitting with my son, there but for the grace of God, go I. I am fortunate that my screw up is something I can deal with. I can take steps to repair what I did, even if it can never be fixed. I can do the right thing even when I haven't always done the right thing. And the right thing starts with setting a good example.

My dad set a good example for me. His dad did before him. My mom's dad set a good example. And we have all gone through tough times. They all had rough patches in life and problems to deal with. My grandfathers had the Great Depression. My dad's dad sold toilet supplies and in WWII worked on building the bomb. I don't mean sitting in a lab, I mean actually building it. My dad had to deal with, among other things, me. I was not an easy child. (The best story being the counselor in 10th grade who told my parents that I was an underachiever because I didn't know what I wanted to do in life. My dad told the psychologist he was full of it because he didn't know what he wanted to do in life until he was in his mid-20s. Want proof? The guy had a Ph.D in pharmaceutical chemistry, yeah that, and ended up in business development.) Yet, somehow, they managed to set good examples, although I now know they weren't perfect. And they always managed to show that they cared about other people. I don't recall seeing any of them making donations and I don't recall any of them talking about it. But after my dad passed away, looking through his things, I knew he had always been giving.

So, I have a chance with Miles to set a good example. He wants to do the coffee, but it just isn't going to happen. So I loaded the kids into the car and drove to my local ATM. I took out enough money that I thought about it. And I drove over near the local homeless shelter. I drove down an alley and saw a guy there. I handed him a bill. He looked at me, first like I was crazy, and then said thank you. I wished him a Merry Christmas and drove a bit farther. Again, I handed the guy a bill and wished him a Merry Christmas. Well, word spreads quickly when you are in that part of town and giving out money. There were even kids who came up to me. In just minutes, it was gone. I had people coming up to me and asking even after I ran out.

When we were done, Miles asked me if he could open a lemonade stand in the summer and give the money he makes to the homeless folks. I told him we could do that. It made him smile.

I don't know what these folks are going to do with the money. Some might buy a cup of coffee. Some might buy crack. Some might buy a raincoat. I don't know. And, I don't care. It isn't a lot. But it means a lot to them.

The point is not to judge what they are doing with the money. The point is to show them that someone cares. The point is to remind myself that, but for some different decisions in life, it could be me with the bags of clothes walking the street. It could be someone I know, someone I care about. It was a reminder that I have been lucky in life. And when you are lucky, you need to not screw that up. We don't have to be perfect, but we have to understand that there isn't a big gap between what we have (and, look, if you are reading this, you have - and while it may not be what you want, you still have more than the folks who I saw today who had everything they owned in a bag with them) and the folks who do not have.

Everyone screws up. Some of us are lucky enough not to screw up too much. Some of us aren't as lucky and screw up big time. When we do, we need to take responsibility for our actions and remember how lucky we are. Today, this served as a reminder to me. And it gave me a chance to show my son how we can give to those who are less fortunate.

I would encourage everyone to read The Untied Way. It has given me some perspective this year. It has reminded me that I am one of the lucky ones. It has also reminded me that I need to ask forgiveness from those I have hurt and be thankful for what I have. While it is here today, it may not be tomorrow.