Toddlers and Flippin Tiaras

Okay, I get that there are people with different ideas. I am fine with that. I have friends who see things differently than me. Well, most of my friends. Some friends see things the exact same way as me! And you know who you are, MB! Don't try to hide it.

But, there are some things that are just wrong. I was watching TLC over the weekend and the worst show in the history of television came on - Toddlers and Tiaras. Here is the description from TLC's website:
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On any given weekend, on stages across the country, little girls and boys parade around wearing makeup, false eyelashes, spray tans and fake hair to be judged on their beauty, personality and costumes. Toddlers and Tiaras follows families on their quest for sparkly crowns, big titles, and lots of cash.

The preparation is intense as it gets down to the final week before the pageant. From hair and nail appointments, to finishing touches on gowns and suits, to numerous coaching sessions or rehearsals, each child preps for their performance. But once at the pageant, it's all up to the judges and drama ensues when every parent wants to prove that their child is beautiful.

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Okay, so where to start? First, boys? There are boys in these pageants. By the way, by pageant I mean train wreck. And by train wreck, I mean Danny Bonaduce's life looks normal compared to these people! Boys? Fake eyelashes? Fake hair? Seriously? Thankfully, I saw no boys on the episode I watched.

Second, oh wait, there was a boy. Well, a man who said he was a pageant dad. A pageant dad? Now, I get soccer moms and their appeal. But can any woman who is reading this actually say to me that she has any interest in a pageant dad? Dude shows up on the show and is proud that he can't change a tire, but can make a pretty dress. FOR HIS 2 YEAR OLD! Really? 2? Your 2 year old can barely walk, but you want to put her in a pageant. Why? Why, I say, why?

Third, at least she had a dad. None of the other contestants seemed to have a father in their lives. Now, there isn't necessarily wrong with that, but.........

Fourth, these moms were competing AGAINST their children. Yes, the moms and the daughters were competing against each other. I cannot come up with a time when I would compete against any of my kids in anything. Sure, a game of billiards when I am old and they want to talk. But, something like this? Sorry. My competitive days like that are behind me - way behind me. If you think you need to compete against your kid in something like this, you need serious help. And not Dr. Laura help, but padded room help!

Fifth, these folks are blind - or dumb, or both. I don't know. One woman, who was apparently 47, decided to compete in the swimsuit competition. Okay, her "pageant friend" told her the swimsuit made her look tall and thin. Really? If by thin you mean her thighs look like little pigs and not cows. Seriously. Go watch the episode. She had elastic on the end of her swimsuit that turned her legs into sausages, or maybe even snausages!

Sixth, these folks think they are in a real competition. They have "two a days" like they are playing football. They practice several times a day for their "talent." They had no talent. None. Seriously, my left foot is more talented and I can't do much with that foot. Just ask anyone I have kicked with it!

Okay, this is the worst show - ever. Period. Celebrity Boxing was better. Watching a juiced up A-Roid hit home runs would be better. Watching Seattle sports would be better. Whoever at TLC approved this show should be taken out back and fired. Now!