No, not Mitch Jackson or Micha Jarmel and not Michael Jordan. This is Michael Jackson. Since my last post has generated so much interest on my Facebook page and a few comments that were unpublishable, I thought I would share with you my top 5 Michael Jackson moments. And before you go off on me for taking shots at a dead guy, I would make these comments if dude was alive and his doctor hadn't doped him up - allegedly.
5. The Hair - remember the filming of the Pepsi commercial when his hair caught fire? His hair actually caught fire. Apparently there was so much product, ie junk, in his hair that it burned like a bonfire. Very nice.
4. The ghost - I remember in the 80s videos Michael had a darker complexion than me. Last picture I saw I thought I was looking at Casper. I know, some bizarre skin condition that could never be confirmed by a medical doctor. Or bleaching. Either way, good fodder for the blogger.
3. Macaluey Culkin - Culkin was a cute kid in Home Alone. Then Jacko spent a night in bed with Culkin. Culkin has been Clunkin along ever since. Oh, and he did wonders for Corey Feldman's career as well. Him and the wife who better stay cute since she aint the sharpest tool in the shed!
2. Eat it - Need I say more? Well, for those of you who do not follow the greatest parody singer of all time, I present for you the chorus:
Just eat it, eat it , eat it
Get yourself an egg and beat it
Have some more chicken, have some more pie
It doesn't matter , it's broiled or fried
Just eat it, eat it, eat it, eat it
eat it, eat it, eat it, eat it, ooh
If you don't think this is funny, try the video: www.youtube.com/watch?v=HyfcOriVKBM If you still don't think this is funny, stop reading my blog. Now. Seriously. Give it up. Click the little "x" to close the box. Please.
1. Chiller - This is a little known parody of Thriller. You all remember the Thriller video? I stayed up past my bedtime to watch the world premiere with my family. We all gathered around the tv and put on MTV, which back then stood for music, something they don't have anymore on that station, and were awed by it. Well, here are the lyrics for Chiller:
It's close to midnight and something evil's lurking in the suit
At the Blue Oyster, you see a sight that almost stops your heart
You leave the bar with the skinny dude who bought you drinks,
You strip to your skivvies as horror strikes you right between the guys,
You're paralyzed
'Cause this is chiller, chiller night
And you are going to end up in the freezer,
You know it's chiller, chiller night
Jeffrey Dahmer's going to turn you into frozen yogurt.
If you look, you can find it on the internet.
Look, folks, some of you are taking this way too seriously. It is a blog. It is fun. It is where I can write pretty much anything I want that isn't defamatory. And I will and I do. Do not confuse this with journalism, news, reporting or anything other than the thoughts of some guy usually at the end of a long day.
Pretend I am a poor man's John Stewart. Just not as funny. Nor as rich. Nor as popular. Hell, I don't have anything he has, except we are both named after the toilet. Dang it, Stewart, you are killing me again. Just once can't I be the cool John?
If you are going to take it much more seriously than that, you should go read War & Peace or anything by J. Maarten Troost, a funny travel writer. Really. I promise. Getting Stoned with the Savages is a good read.
PS By the way, I don't care how much tax revenue LA gets when the STATE SPENT THE MONEY. The state isn't collecting that money. And the loons who traveled to LA to go to a funeral of some dude they never met would have traveled even if the King of Nut, er, Pop, would have paid the $4,000,000 bill. So stop arguing about it.
PPS Just because dude wasn't convicted in a court of law does not mean he didn't do something wrong. Exhibit A: Bonds, Barry Bonds. He may never be convicted of anything but dude roided up - big time. Exhibit B: Capone, Al Capone. Dude wasn't convicted of being a mobster, but he was! Exhibit C: Simpson, Orenthal. Sure, dude didn't kill anyone. And I played in the NFL. The Juice should have stuck to the Naked Gun movies.
PPPS I think I just came up with my 6th favorite moment - he married the King's daughter. The King of Pop married the Princess. If they had kids, would they have been the Duke and Duchess? And they both acted like it was real. Sheesh.
Showing posts with label funeral. Show all posts
Showing posts with label funeral. Show all posts
Saturday, July 11, 2009
Our State Leaders at Work Again
I don't know about the rest of you, but I am tired of our state leaders. The "Big 5" as they are called should really be called the "We can't get our heads out of our arses 5." This would be the Governor, the Speaker of the Assembly, the Senate Leader and the two minority party leaders from the Senate and the Assembly. For those of you keeping track, that would be Arnold, Darrell "I think I am a lot smarter than I really am" Steinberg, Karen "I couldn't get out of my own way if you paid me $1,000,000 but I am sure I would say something dumb" Bass, and two Republicans who change regularly.
So, Arnold is proposing another furlough day for state workers. Karen Bass says "More furloughs mean more foreclosures." Really? Are you sure? Did you come up with that pearl of wisdom yourself? Of course, you are also supporting legislation that will mean more foreclosures (see AB 764). (Memo to Dave Jones: I know you read this stuff so if you want to avoid my wrath, you shouldn't do dumb things.)
But now these folks have somehow come up with $4,000,000 to pay for Jacko's funeral. That is $4 million. That would be enough money to pay for a whole lot of stuff! For Michael Jackson. Dude has Neverland and the Beatles collection of songs, but we need to pay for his funeral. Really? We have that money laying around.
Hey Karen Bass: $4,000,000 means less foreclosures. Less. That means fewer. That means more people keep their homes. That means less homeless people. That is a good thing. But you blew that money you freaking useless quote machine. $4,000,000 would also pay for a new speechwriter for you so you can at least sound intelligent. I don't want you to actually spend that money on a speechwriter, since the $130,000 or so you get paid already is wasted money. Of course, you could also use that money to go back to college. Wait, I am sorry, your incompetent leadership is one reason many people can no longer afford college, you crazy lady.
Hey Darrell: I know they don't teach business classes in law school (and that is a whole different rant) but I am sure you learned this in like 5th grade. You cannot have negative money. Yet, somehow, you managed to keep us in the same ridiculous cycle. And you allow our state to spend $4,000,000 we don't have. How exactly does that work? I mean, you must be smart - you went to law school. It was a UC school, so maybe you aren't as smart as we thought since you are slowly limiting the number of people who can afford to go to your alma mater. Do you not understand that your expenses must be equal to or less than your income? Is that concept too difficult for you? If so, maybe you should resign and we should get someone, anyone, who can figure out how to do math.
Darrell and Karen are a disgrace and we let them continue to lead. And where do we get the money to pay for a funeral? Should we pay for a funeral for everyone else who dies this year? What makes Michael more special than kid who drowned in his pool this week? Because he could sing? Sure, but he also spent money disfiguring himself. Should we spend money on the funeral of a cutter who dies? What about the anorexic who dies? That person disfigured herself too. Is Wacko Jacko more special?
I admit it. He could sing. He could dance. He could sleep in bed with little children - allegedly. He could hang his kid, Prince, upside down from a hotel balcony. He could go from black to white. He was like anti-black face, or white face. So what makes him special? I know lots of people who can sing and dance and don't try to change their skin color. Should we pay for their funerals too?
I just don't get it. We have no money. Our state workers now have a 15% pay cut. They are going to be looking at a fourth furlough day or another 5% pay cut. And somehow we have money to spend on this freak's funeral. Really? Where, exactly, is that money coming from? Are Steinberg and Bass paying for it with their complete inability to strike a budget deal? Is the Governor going to pay for it with his personal fortune from his roid days? I sure as heck am not going to pay for this. It is a complete embarrassment for our state and another example of the complete lack of leadership of our alleged leaders.
So, Arnold is proposing another furlough day for state workers. Karen Bass says "More furloughs mean more foreclosures." Really? Are you sure? Did you come up with that pearl of wisdom yourself? Of course, you are also supporting legislation that will mean more foreclosures (see AB 764). (Memo to Dave Jones: I know you read this stuff so if you want to avoid my wrath, you shouldn't do dumb things.)
But now these folks have somehow come up with $4,000,000 to pay for Jacko's funeral. That is $4 million. That would be enough money to pay for a whole lot of stuff! For Michael Jackson. Dude has Neverland and the Beatles collection of songs, but we need to pay for his funeral. Really? We have that money laying around.
Hey Karen Bass: $4,000,000 means less foreclosures. Less. That means fewer. That means more people keep their homes. That means less homeless people. That is a good thing. But you blew that money you freaking useless quote machine. $4,000,000 would also pay for a new speechwriter for you so you can at least sound intelligent. I don't want you to actually spend that money on a speechwriter, since the $130,000 or so you get paid already is wasted money. Of course, you could also use that money to go back to college. Wait, I am sorry, your incompetent leadership is one reason many people can no longer afford college, you crazy lady.
Hey Darrell: I know they don't teach business classes in law school (and that is a whole different rant) but I am sure you learned this in like 5th grade. You cannot have negative money. Yet, somehow, you managed to keep us in the same ridiculous cycle. And you allow our state to spend $4,000,000 we don't have. How exactly does that work? I mean, you must be smart - you went to law school. It was a UC school, so maybe you aren't as smart as we thought since you are slowly limiting the number of people who can afford to go to your alma mater. Do you not understand that your expenses must be equal to or less than your income? Is that concept too difficult for you? If so, maybe you should resign and we should get someone, anyone, who can figure out how to do math.
Darrell and Karen are a disgrace and we let them continue to lead. And where do we get the money to pay for a funeral? Should we pay for a funeral for everyone else who dies this year? What makes Michael more special than kid who drowned in his pool this week? Because he could sing? Sure, but he also spent money disfiguring himself. Should we spend money on the funeral of a cutter who dies? What about the anorexic who dies? That person disfigured herself too. Is Wacko Jacko more special?
I admit it. He could sing. He could dance. He could sleep in bed with little children - allegedly. He could hang his kid, Prince, upside down from a hotel balcony. He could go from black to white. He was like anti-black face, or white face. So what makes him special? I know lots of people who can sing and dance and don't try to change their skin color. Should we pay for their funerals too?
I just don't get it. We have no money. Our state workers now have a 15% pay cut. They are going to be looking at a fourth furlough day or another 5% pay cut. And somehow we have money to spend on this freak's funeral. Really? Where, exactly, is that money coming from? Are Steinberg and Bass paying for it with their complete inability to strike a budget deal? Is the Governor going to pay for it with his personal fortune from his roid days? I sure as heck am not going to pay for this. It is a complete embarrassment for our state and another example of the complete lack of leadership of our alleged leaders.
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