Some thoughts

I was driving home this evening and I had some thoughts. I was getting sad and I wasn't quite sure why. Or, as is more likely, I didn't want to admit why.

Its been over a year since I last saw my mom - ever. I won't be able to see her anymore. I guess in pictures. I guess in my memories. Her taking me to soccer games. Her at my wedding. Things like that. But I can't call her up and talk to her. I can't say hi. I can't tell her anything.

Now, we weren't close since my dad died. But she was still my mom. And she still IS my mom, but she isn't here. It sucks.

And do you know what makes it suck more? Attorneys. Lawyers. Cocksuckers at law. Okay, not every attorney. I have a few attorneys who are friends, a few more who are acquaintances, some who I just know and don't hate. But do you know how many assholes go into the legal profession?

Let me see if I can count............1,000, 2,000, 3,000, more. I can't even count. And apparently they have all decided to be on th opposite end of cases I take. I guess its my luck. Or bad luck. Or crappy luck.

Why are these folks assholes? Are they born that way? No. I don't think they are. I think it comes down to two other factors.

1. They have no actual real life experience. They went to high school, worked at making crappy , greasy pizza, then went to college where they smoked more dope than I have seen in my life, then went to law school where they drank like fish - and I don't mean water. These folks think the JD after their names means they are bad-asses. It doesnt. The JD means nothing other than you were dumb enough to keep going to school after you graduated from college. Or you couldn't get a job and had to go back to school to avoid paying back your student loans so you decided law school was the way to go. Why law school? Because business schools wouldn't take you because you didnt have any real world experience. Its jackasses who think that they graduated college so they are automatically qualified to go to law school that act this way.

2. These folks know no pain. To them, their life is one big fucking party. They have never lost someone they loved. They have never experienced the death of a parent, a child, a spouse. They have never dealt with pain. Because those of us who have dealt with loss, we know that there is no point in being a fucking loser to other human beings. I may occasionally be a pain in the ass to a debt collector. I may jerk with them once in a while. But I will never treat them like they are lower than me. Just so we are clear, my law degree makes me no more and no less special than anyone else, be it the CEO of Apple or GE, or the homeless guy walking down the street with all of his life's belongings in a stolen shopping cart. All it does is let me use what I have learned to help people. Actually, it doesnt let me do that. I choose to do that. Why do I choose this? Because I have SHMUCK tattooed across my forward. I like helping people. I actually think I am doing some good in the world. I must be the biggest sucker in the world. UGH! What the hell am I thinking? Sadly, I won't change. I will keep representing real people.

So here I sit. Sad and not happy, feeling the loss more than I have in a while. Do you know what its like to be in your mid 30s and be parentless? Its such a crappy feeling. And writing about it doesnt help this time. FUCK this sucks.

I pity the next attorney who calls me and decides to be an asshole to me. You want to fuck with me and my clients? Fine. I wont fuck back. I promise you that. I will work harder than you. I will work smarter than you. I will kick your scrawny little ass across one side of the courtroom and back across the other side. You aren't fucking special because of your law degree - instead of being a cocksucker, you are an educated cocksucker. Is that clear?