I'm so sorry

A wise person once told me that saying sorry is the difference between being a man and a mouse. I think there is something to that. In fact, I have thought it for a few days, but I haven't had a minute to write about it.

Saying sorry is interesting. I doesn't really fix the problem. Look, Mike Vick can say he is sorry all he wants but there are still dead dogs. Barry Bonds can say he is sorry, oh wait, sorry. He would never say he is sorry. I guess that is why, while I hate what Vick did, I want to see him succeed. (I in no way condone what Vick did.) Dude was given a second chance because he admitted his mistake, as bad as it was, and is trying to be a better person. Bonds can't admit he did anything wrong, even with a small conviction over his head.

So as I was thinking of this, The Script came on. I was listening to the words: "They say bad things happen for a reason/But no wise words gonna stop the bleeding." Sometimes when bad things happen, there are wise words to help.

For example, when you screw up, a bad thing could happen. You miss your traffic ticket court date and a warrant is issued for you. Having a warrant for your arrest is a bad thing. Even if the cops aren't going to come pick you up, its bad. You don't want those floating around out there. But, if you say you are sorry, it will help. At least, the Judge will see you are a man. You are owning up to your mistakes.

So, with that said, let me start with "I'm sorry." I am sorry to the people I made fun of for things they could not control. Yes, I was a jackass when I was younger. (Caveat: I am not sorry for making fun of debt collectors. Those dweebs can get a job that doesn't require you to be an ass 24/7. I am also not sorry for making fun of the radio DJ who used the R word and I may have said he talks like he has marbles in his mouth. He still talks like that and while he may not be able to control it, he could learn to open his diarrhea filled mouth. That would solve the problem.)

I am sorry to the people I hit harder than I meant to or had to. I am sorry I punched you out of the door. You probably deserved it for not being nice to my wife, but I shouldn't have responded that way.

I am sorry to my parents. I wasn't always the best son. I know that. I tried. I did the best I could. I wish I could explain that to you now, but I can't. I am sorry that I can't explain it.

I am sorry to my kids. Look, there is no book on how to be a parent. We learn from our examples - our parents. I parent like my dad did. There is good and bad with it. I know. I yell. I get upset. I totally understand. One day, you will understand that this parenting stuff is harder than it looks.

I am sorry to my wife. The last few weeks, no wait, months, have sucked. We fight more than we should. I am stressed. I know. For some reason, you put up with me. I am sorry I can't fix everything. I wish I could. I wish I could more than you know.

I am sorry to that group of people who know who they are (and aren't reading this because of who they are). Sometimes, I fuck up. I don't mean to. I don't try to. I mean to do good deeds. Sometimes good deeds turn bad. And I know none of you think I need to say it, but I do.

And I am sorry to anyone else who I have hurt - either intentionally or not. I am sorry for not always being a great friend, or even a good friend. I am sorry that I don't pick up the phone and call as often as I should. Yeah, Facebook is great, but its not quite the same thing. I am sorry I don't write you a letter or send an email. I know I should.

And while I am apologizing, let me be perfectly clear: there are some things for which I shouldn't apologize. No, won't apologize for. Ever.

I am not going to apologize for advocating for my kids. Ever. Look, they are kids. They will always be my kids. At 11, 9, 7 and 1. At 21, 19, 17 and 11. At 31, 29, 27 and 21. At 41, 39, 37, and 31. And as smart as they may be, they are never going to have the same life experiences, or the same amount of life experience that I have. I am going to advocate for them. Sure, it may not be as much as they get older, but especially when they are young, I am going to get upset, get annoyed. If you are supposed to help my kids and you don't, I will give you another chance. Maybe even 3. But if you continue to fuck with my kids, I do have a breaking point. I will yell. I may make you cry. I will not apologize.

I will not apologize if you hurt my family and I kick your ass. I got in some dumb fights when I was younger. 7th grade over some comment some kid made to me. 9th grade, 10th grade. Hell, back in like 4th grade. I haven't been in a fight since my freshman year of college. Its like 20 years. But, if you hurt my family, I will kick your ass. I promise. And I won't say I am sorry after.

I will not apologize if I do what I think is right. If you are dying, I may not tell you everything. I may hide some things from you. I don't do it out of hate or spite or because I am a dick, I do it because I care. I do it because I do not want to hurt you. I do it because I know you have bigger issues in life than my issues. I promise I don't mean to hurt you by doing it, but I also promise I will not apologize for it. Nope. Not going to happen.

Yes, a real man stands up and apologizes. A man will admit when he has made a mistake. I admit to my mistakes. But there are sometimes when a man shouldn't, can't and won't apologize. I won't say I am sorry for those things. For everything else, I am sorry.