What I have learned from Facebook today:

This originally started as a quick rant on Facebook, but I decided to go off!

1. I can't eat any food because it may cause cancer or some other horrible disease;
2. The people I am friends with are miserable and always unhappy;
3. Life sucks for most people;
4. We all suck as parents/kids/spouses/partners;
5. We need to all work out 18 hours a day and it has to be the RIGHT way.
6. Everyone is going to disconnect from Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, cell phones, pagers and beepers.

Look, I don't get it. I recognize that I am not the brightest guy reading this. But lets be , a) I eat food because I like it and it may cause cancer, but breathing your smoke can cause cancer too, walking down the street may cause cancer, and quite frankly, not eating WILL lead to dying and since I don't want to die, I think I will keep eating and take my chances. Maybe you don't like beef or chicken or fish or you think we should eat Paleo or only protein or only carbs. But, at the end of the day, you have NO ACTUAL idea what is going to kill you. I am sure of that. So if we are going to cut out all of the stuff we eat because of what it MIGHT do, then we might as well cut out driving, walking, running, exercising, and anything else that could lead to you dying. Sheesh!

B) You aren't that unhappy. Seriously, if you think you are, you have depression and you need to see your doctor. Today. Now. Stop reading and go see your doctor. If you just want empathy or sympathy or some other athy, then pick up the FREAKING TELEPHONE and call someone. Seriously. Make a phone call. Talk to a real, live human being. I am sure he/she/shim/it can help you. But posting it on Facebook is not healthy for you. I am sure of that. You may have a bad day. You may have a bad week. Heck, you can have a bad month. But if every day is crap, crap, crap, crap, you are suffering from a medical condition. Go get help. Please?

C) Life is never fun for anyone. Ever. Nor has it been since about February 3, 2004. (Figure out why I picked that date and get back to me.) Seriously, no one has had any fun since then. It is just a miserable experience for everyone. GET OVER IT!

D) I am the worst father in the world. Thankfully, I appear to be tied with everyone else. I am also the worst son in the world, the worst husband in the world. I clearly have no idea how to parent and I need everyone else to tell me how to raise my kids. I also need you to tell me how to love my wife, how to be a son, and how to be a human being. Seriously, I am surprised I know how to walk down the street safely. Would you like to teach me that too? I know, a white paper on the proper way to walk down the street. I am so writing that as soon as I figure out how to have fun, be happy and eat.

E) I clearly am a fat ass who is out of shape and cannot properly take care of myself. I must do cross fit, check fit, fit fit, fat fit, P90X, P90X2, P90X3, and its long lost cousin Takeadump180. If I do not do all of these exercises, then I am a failure. I am fat. I am out of shape. I am not going to live to be 100. I will not be able to run a marathon, a half marathon, a fun run, a color run, a gray run, a black and white run, and a FREAKING run run. I will also not be able to swim around the world, hike a mountain or do anything else that requires any physical exertion because I am clearly a loser.

F) I am still surprised that I can figure all of this out since everyone is constantly disconnecting from technology. There are no people on Facebook or Twitter. No one checks text messages or cell phones or calls anyone. No one knows how to talk or communicate.

And, I sure as shit know, that no one knows how to say to someone "How are you?" I don't mean How are you as in hey, I mean how are you really, truly, actually doing. Apparently that is not something that is possible to ask anyone anymore!

Now I am going to ride my bike and ignore everything I am doing wrong, although I am sure I ride my bike wrong too!