Okay, so I have to get this off my chest. Let me start with this: Donald Sterling is an idiot. He is also, probably, a racist. I assume we all agree on that. If you don't know what I am talking about, A - take your head out from the sand you buried it in, B - you are a moron. So, go with this assumption.
But before we all tell the world that Donald Sterling is the anti-Christ, let's stop and think about our own behavior. I have written about this before. But let me re-state my position since some idiot like Sterling comes along and people stop thinking about racism properly.
If you are an African-American, and you use the "n" word, then you really can't complain when other people use that word. Why? Because you have implicitly stated it is okay to use it. Don't go with "It is a term of endearment when I talk to my buddies." It isn't. It is a racist term. You may not think you are a racist, but if you are using the N word, you are promoting racist. You see, racism can't go on if good people stand up and say enough is enough.
And I could substitute "African-American" and "n word" for a variety of groups. Jews and the "k word." Mexican and the "w word." (Think about it people.) Puerto Ricans and the "s word." How many more examples do you need? These words have meaning and those meanings are evil.
Then I turn on ESPN Radio. I am listening to the Dan LeBatard show. He has some co-host, some side kick, some idiot, Stugotz on his show. I don't know Stugotz from Stu-pid-asshole. But this guy says he has a different take on the Donald Sterling issue. So he then proceeds to say that all Jewish women are crazy.
How the hell is this different from any of the other racist, anti-semitic, misogynistic comments that people make? You see, the problem here is that when you paint with a broad brush, you are, by definition, being a bigot.
All soccer players are wusses. All football players are dumb jocks. All cheerleaders are easy. All sports talk hosts are failures at sports. All tv people are stuck up. All side kicks on radio shows are idiots. None of these are true. But you can make those statements - and sound like a douchebag.
But, worse than that, you can do it with race, religion, national origin and sexual orientation. "All blacks are dumb." NO! They aren't. But you could say it. "All Jews are cheap." Really? "All mormons are cultists." Sure, if you are an idiot. "All gays are pushing the 'gay agenda.'" (What the fuck is a gay agenda?) Every single one of them? All Africans are unsophisticated. Not true. All Americans are lazy. Except the person saying it, of course.
Look, Dan Le Batard should know better. Stugotz, who claims to be Jewish, really should know better. I don't care if you are a Jewish guy and talking about Jewish people. If you use your national platform to talk negatively about a group, any group, even a group to which you belong, you should be canned. You are only encouraging those morons who believe what you said. So, now the anti-semitic folks are going to say "See, all Jews are crazy. Some Jewish dude said it on ESPN Radio." You have used your platform not for good, but for evil. You are a moron.
When are we going to stop?
Monday, April 28, 2014
Wednesday, April 23, 2014
Idiots
So today on Facebook, my status was:
Dear Lawyers:
1. I don't care where the hell you went to college.
2. I don't care where the hell you went to law school.
3. I don't care how old you were when you graduated college.
4. I don't care how old you were when you gradated law school.
5. You do NOT have a doctorate. You are not a doctor. Never have been. Never will be.
6. If you are so pompous that you think I need to know 1 through 4 or you plaster your website with 5, you and I will have a problem.
Why would this be my status? Because I was in a bad mood. Let me give you my rules for dealing with people:
A. I don't trust you if you go by your middle name. You are starting out our relationship, be it personal or professional, by hiding something. Primarily, you are hiding your first name. I don't know why you are hiding it. I don't care why you are hiding it. I just know that you are hiding it. Remember that dumb saying that you don't get a second chance to make a first impression? Well, that is true when you go by your middle name. Its like giving me the middle finger!
B. If you have to tell me how smart you are, then you are not that smart. I told this story to someone today. I didn't know that my dad had his PhD until I was 12. I didn't have a clue as to how smart he was until I was 15 or 16. I didn't really know how smart he was until I was in my 20s. Why? Because he never had to prove to anyone how smart he was. He was just smart. If you think you have to prove to me that you are smart, then you aren't really that smart. Easy enough?
C. If you have to tell me how old you were when you made some major life accomplishment, you are a douchebag. I don't care if you were 10 when you graduated high school. I don't care if you were Dr. Sheldon Cooper. I don't care if Doogie Howser was based on you. Not only do I not care, no one else cares. If you think you need to tell people, then you are a douchebag. Plain and simple. Hence, "Dear Douchebag: We don't care how old you were when you were potty trained. Sincerely, Civilization."
D. If you tell me how old you were when you graduated from college, you have a small dick. Seriously. Yes, I said it. No one cares. That would be the worst pick up line ever. "Hey baby, I graduated college at 15. Wanna have sex?" Worst. Ever. Seriously. It doesn't matter if you were 15, 25, 35, or 95. No one cares. I have to think about how old I was when I graduated college. And law school. Why? Because I don't care how old I was. Life isn't about what you do at a certain age. It is about what you do to make the world a better place.
E. If you have a law degree, you are not a doctor. End of story. Don't even argue it. I am not Dr. Jones. You are an attorney. You are a lawyer. You are a person. You are not a doctor. Don't refer to yourself that way. If you must refer to yourself that way, then you need to call your local plastic surgeon because someone pulled a Lorena Bobbitt on you. (Look it up, youngsters!) Seriously. We are not doctors. Stop it. Stop it. Stop it.
F. If you have fallen into more than one of these categories, you need a life. Not a "are you breathing?" life, but a real, honest to goodness, fucking life. Get out of the house. Make some friends. Stop driving your Bentley or your Rolls or your whatever. Go out to dinner with some friends. Join Match.com. Get laid. Do something with your life. Because you clearly think the world revolves around you. It does not. Trust me. It never has. It never will.
Look, this is simple. Just be a decent person. Fuck up once in a while. It is okay. But don't brag about yourself. Don't think anyone else cares. Don't try to be a superhero. Just be yourself. And if you look in the mirror and you can't be yourself, then realize you are an idiot. People see through fake. Sure, it may work for a year or 10 years, but at the end of this, you end up as a loser.
Am I clear?
Dear Lawyers:
1. I don't care where the hell you went to college.
2. I don't care where the hell you went to law school.
3. I don't care how old you were when you graduated college.
4. I don't care how old you were when you gradated law school.
5. You do NOT have a doctorate. You are not a doctor. Never have been. Never will be.
6. If you are so pompous that you think I need to know 1 through 4 or you plaster your website with 5, you and I will have a problem.
Why would this be my status? Because I was in a bad mood. Let me give you my rules for dealing with people:
A. I don't trust you if you go by your middle name. You are starting out our relationship, be it personal or professional, by hiding something. Primarily, you are hiding your first name. I don't know why you are hiding it. I don't care why you are hiding it. I just know that you are hiding it. Remember that dumb saying that you don't get a second chance to make a first impression? Well, that is true when you go by your middle name. Its like giving me the middle finger!
B. If you have to tell me how smart you are, then you are not that smart. I told this story to someone today. I didn't know that my dad had his PhD until I was 12. I didn't have a clue as to how smart he was until I was 15 or 16. I didn't really know how smart he was until I was in my 20s. Why? Because he never had to prove to anyone how smart he was. He was just smart. If you think you have to prove to me that you are smart, then you aren't really that smart. Easy enough?
C. If you have to tell me how old you were when you made some major life accomplishment, you are a douchebag. I don't care if you were 10 when you graduated high school. I don't care if you were Dr. Sheldon Cooper. I don't care if Doogie Howser was based on you. Not only do I not care, no one else cares. If you think you need to tell people, then you are a douchebag. Plain and simple. Hence, "Dear Douchebag: We don't care how old you were when you were potty trained. Sincerely, Civilization."
D. If you tell me how old you were when you graduated from college, you have a small dick. Seriously. Yes, I said it. No one cares. That would be the worst pick up line ever. "Hey baby, I graduated college at 15. Wanna have sex?" Worst. Ever. Seriously. It doesn't matter if you were 15, 25, 35, or 95. No one cares. I have to think about how old I was when I graduated college. And law school. Why? Because I don't care how old I was. Life isn't about what you do at a certain age. It is about what you do to make the world a better place.
E. If you have a law degree, you are not a doctor. End of story. Don't even argue it. I am not Dr. Jones. You are an attorney. You are a lawyer. You are a person. You are not a doctor. Don't refer to yourself that way. If you must refer to yourself that way, then you need to call your local plastic surgeon because someone pulled a Lorena Bobbitt on you. (Look it up, youngsters!) Seriously. We are not doctors. Stop it. Stop it. Stop it.
F. If you have fallen into more than one of these categories, you need a life. Not a "are you breathing?" life, but a real, honest to goodness, fucking life. Get out of the house. Make some friends. Stop driving your Bentley or your Rolls or your whatever. Go out to dinner with some friends. Join Match.com. Get laid. Do something with your life. Because you clearly think the world revolves around you. It does not. Trust me. It never has. It never will.
Look, this is simple. Just be a decent person. Fuck up once in a while. It is okay. But don't brag about yourself. Don't think anyone else cares. Don't try to be a superhero. Just be yourself. And if you look in the mirror and you can't be yourself, then realize you are an idiot. People see through fake. Sure, it may work for a year or 10 years, but at the end of this, you end up as a loser.
Am I clear?
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