I am not an asshole

I was called an asshole yesterday. Yeah, there are times I can be an asshole. I am an asshole to debt collectors. I have been an asshole at other times. Sometimes, I deserve to be called an asshole. But, yesterday, I was not an asshole.

Look, I run a business for a living. I charge people money. I don't apologize for that. Nor should I. A little story........... (And don't aww me or tell me how amazing I am. I am not amazing. I don't want to hear that crap. This is just to give you background.)

I graduated from college in 4 years. As it is now, it was a time when not a lot of people got out in 4 years. I took over 20 units my last semester to get out in 4 years. That included tutoring, an internship, and a job. We had a mortgage to pay, after all.

I got a job out of college. I worked hard at it. 3 years and 3 months after starting that job, I earned my CPCU. (Google it.) Back then, the CPCU was 10 essay exams. Essays. For hours. It also required 3 years of work experience. Do the math. It was tough.

Then, a year later, I started law school. 4 years. At night. While working full time. Kids came in years 2 and 4. 4 am feedings. Late nights after school. Very little sleep. It was stressful on me. It was more stressful on my wife. It was stressful on my kids. Do you know how many vacations I took while in law school? 1. 1 actual vacation.

I took the bar exam after graduation. Passed on my 1st try. I had surgery the next day. 2 months after the bar exam, my dad died. He never saw me get sworn in. It has been almost 11 years since I was sworn in. Do you know how many actual vacations I have taken in those 11 years? I mean a "let's not work and take time off for more than a weekend" type vacations. Wanna guess? 2.

3 vacations in 15 years. Sometimes, it sucks. I don't get a steady paycheck. I don't get vacation time. I don't get PTO. Benefits? Yeah, I pay full price for those. And you know what, I wouldn't change it.

Don't pity me. I don't pity me. I wouldn't change this. I haven't missed any of my kid's events. I have been there when they need me. Heck, I picked up my elementary school kid by walking to his school on Friday. Its the life I chose. I get it.

But I don't work for free. I have a wife to support. I have 4 kids to support. I have a mortgage to pay. I have bills to pay.

Yes, I take pro bono cases. But I make that decision, not you. If you ask for free help, my response is generally no. If you expect me to help you for free, my answer is fuck no.

So, imagine my surprise when a "friend" mails papers to my house with a note that she expects me to take care of her lawsuit. Yeah, I don't do that. Not to my business. No phone call. No request. No offer to pay. An envelope with a copy of a lawsuit and a note that told me to deal with it. My response: a letter to her telling her I don't represent her. This is what I would send to anyone who sends me unsolicited papers or assumes I will represent them without signing a fee agreement. It is fairly standard.

Yesterday, this "friend's" partner came up to me, in front of my 4 year old and other adults, and called me an asshole. This is wrong on so many levels. 

First, who calls someone an asshole in front of other adults? You don't know those people. You don't know how I know these people. Maybe they are friends. Maybe they are clients. Maybe it is someone who is interviewing me. But now, suddenly, I have to explain why you called me an asshole. Thankfully, these folks ignored it, as most of us would do. But you don't do that to someone.

Second, who calls someone an asshole in front of that person's kids? My daughter is 4. You want to call me an asshole in front of her? I am pretty sure that makes you the asshole. Of course, I didn't say that back because, well, I don't curse in front of kids, especially 4 year olds. That is simply idiotic and moronic.

Third, this was at a temple. You are going to use profanity at a place of worship? Really? That doesn't seem very god like. I mean, you are in God's holy place and you think dropping a little profanity is the way to go. Who taught you this?

Fourth, why, exactly, am I an asshole? Because I won't represent you for free. Do you expect your doctor to treat you for free? Your dentist? Is your landlord supposed to give you a break too? When do you think you should pay for services?

Yes, I have asked a friend for a favor before. Hey, can you pull a title on this house? Hey, can you give a friend an insurance quote. But, a) I refer these people business and b) it usually is a precursor to paying them. Oh, and it never involves more than a few minutes and I sure as hell wouldn't ask a real estate friend to sell my house for free. Once an attorney gets involved in litigation, its not easy to get out.

Look, folks, attorneys are people too. We have families. We have bills. Just because you know us doesn't mean we are obligated to help you for free. If you want help, offer to pay us. Sure, we may say no. I know I have done that a few times. But at least fucking offer to pay me. Don't assume I will work for free. And sure as heck don't call me names when I won't.

This is how I support my family. It is not a crime. I should not be ashamed. I am not going to be embarrassed or bullied about it. I busted my ass. The reward is that I get to run my own business. If our friendship is built on you thinking you can get something for nothing from me, go fuck yourself. And don't talk to me again.